Detachment is for YOU-not her. When you detach, you won't worry about what she "thinks", or if "it" is working. Lovingly detach AS. Let her go.
When you get off the plane, the first thing you do is grab those kids of yours and squeeze them, and tell THEM you love and miss them. Shower them with your love. Spend as much time with them as you possibly can.
Your focus for those 2 weeks, is on those kids and yourself.
Once you get home - DO NOT fall into any traps. This is crucial to all of your efforts.
You act AS IF, that's how you act. You GAL. You Detach.
You LIVE.
Have a safe flight, and a great R & R with those kiddos!!
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
You should treat your wife as well as you would treat any family friend or acquaintance who is doing you a favor. I don't think that a polite hug and "hello" is out of question.
But SD is right, focus on your kids. Save the R talk for later.
And an early "welcome home" to you.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Another quick question, I have always been pretty good around Valentine's day, I planned on getting the kids a small gift but in a way i feel i would be wrong not to get the W anything. Of course we have not seperated or even decided on D or S yet.
Thanks
Me:33 Wife:32 M: 6/26/99 D:8 S:6 Bomb: 8/08 PA MC/IC: 8/08-7/09 Bomb: 12/26/09 Contact OM(I need to work on me) In Limbo
Another quick question, I have always been pretty good around Valentine's day, I planned on getting the kids a small gift but in a way i feel i would be wrong not to get the W anything. Of course we have not seperated or even decided on D or S yet.
You'll have to judge for yourself when you get home; but getting something for Valentine's Day could be seen as pursuing, especially if she doesn't get you anything in return.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Ditto. If you do a family gift, then something non-romantic MIGHT be okay. But Valentine's day is probably the most dangerous holiday for us LBSs lol. Stepping into that mine field could leave you short a limb or two.
Plus, you just set the boundary of not sharing her, not wanting to be M to someone who doesn't want to be M to you. Make sure you show through your actions that you MEAN IT. Live it.
As you said, until she pulls her head out of her 4th point of contact, you are living only for yourself and the kids.
You can tell her that she doesn't need to move if she abides by your boundary. You can invited her along to family things with the kids, cuz no matter what she'll always be their mother and you will have contact even if you do D.
BUT, no expectations. Focus on YOU and the KIDS. What she does or doesn't do DOESN'T matter. You will have a great time with them regardless of her actions.
Enjoy your leave!!!!!!!!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
