New Year, New Thread, NEW ME!

[flowmom]

I do not like 8am classes. Very bad. My brain does not work that early.

People have different ways of learning. For some reason I couldn't learn in university classes. I had to record lectures then take notes while listening to the recordings later, stopping and going back if necessary. If things are going in one ear and out the other, try different ways of getting the information even though at first it might seem that the information is only presented in one way.

And, why do grown people wear pajama pants to school? Is this a new trend or what?

I remember that from decades ago . I think it goes something like this: "University is fun because I don't have to be a grown-up yet and I don't have to dress like grown-up. I don't have a mommy around to make me wear anything, so I'm going to be an antidisestablishmentarian and wear pajamas. Aren't I cute? And don't my pyjamas make you think of how cute I'd be in bed?".

City Girl <--- sort of over it.

It's pathetic that, after dismantling your M, your H isn't over it <rolling eyes>.

[CityGirl]

Things are sort of hectic around here.

I got a very long e-mail from my H on Sunday morning. He told me he was sorry I felt disrespected and that he held me to a different standard than he holds himself.

He told me that many of the problems we had are now happening with his current relationship and for the first time he is realizing it was not all me. He said he now sees it was much easier to blame me for it all but seeing how I have been removed from his life for 2 years and the same problems are resurfacing he knows he has issues. He stated he know sees how arrogant he can be. How poor his communication skills are. How he assumes and jumps to conclusions when he doesn't like how things are and how easily he shuts people out and dismisses them when he doesn't get his way.

He stated he knows it is up to him to work on these issues. He says he did go to counseling last Jan. three times but he was so consumed with guilt that is all they worked on and he still blamed everything on me.

He said it was hard for him to admit this to me but he was jealous of all the work I had done on myself and how far ahead I was of him in that area. He said he knows he treated me terribly and he has been trying to do small things to earn my trust and respect back. Lastly, he said while he realizes all of this he will stay in his current relationship and try and work on his issues and he hopes I understand.

He also told me his attny got the letter my attny sent him (re: completing the rest of the Agreement) and my H told me his attny is "not going to do anything about it". Not sure what that means exactly.

I did write my H back and told him this must stop. I told him while I understand being jealous it is very hard to grasp how he could be jealous of me working on me when he was more than welcome to join me in "the work" and he declined for 2 years. I told him I will no longer listen to one word about his relationship. I told him this back and forth is equal to emotional terrorism and I will not longer participate and if he cannot respect that boundary any further communication between us (RE: the Agreement) will have to be done via the US Mail.

I also told him realizing and working on your own issues is a long and slow process however I would not serve as his emotional sounding board or support system given the circumstances.

So, DB'ing friends this is the moment most of us wait for. The moment where the WAS who has been deeply vested in another R for a very long time realizes it was not *all* the LBS. I never believed it but I guess it is true, patterns do repeat themselves unless internal work is done.

As I have said all along I am not at all surprised he is staying with OW.

So, my DB journey ends here with my H. I will continue to work on me and build my new life. I am struggling a bit as I remember how terribly, terribly cruel my H was for the past two years only to realize now, it wasn't all me. I will survive, I always do but I can't say it doesn't sting.

[iwantittowork]

CG,

That is quite a post. I am sad and happy for you at the same time. How is that even possible?

You have become a stronger woman, and while I have not followed your whole situation, I have seen your postings and feel better having met you, if only virtually..

So, my DB journey ends here with my H. I will continue to work on me and build my new life. I am struggling a bit as I remember how terribly, terribly cruel my H was for the past two years only to realize now, it wasn't all me. I will survive, I always do but I can't say it doesn't sting.

Wow.

I know it is bittersweet, but you are right, you will not only survive, but thrive!

Blessings to you CG. Hope you have a great day today!

[CityGirl]

Thanks for the support.

If I really think about it what stings is how mean he was to me for so long. And yes, I tolerated it for a long time and that was my grave error. All it did was spin my lupus out of control and create an anxiety disorder.

It's not so much that he is staying with OW as I totally expected that. My H cannot be alone and there is no way he could put aside and even show his face at work if they broke up (the work together). His family thinks they only recently started dating and he told all our friends that our split was a joint decision. I guess what upsets me is so much of his cruelty stemmed from his inability to examine himself.

I know all I can do is learn from this and I have. I guess I do feel bad in a way that I had to suffer financial ruin, a horrid court battle and illness all for my H to realize NOW that it wasn't all me. All the while my H was having the time of his life, partying it up and using our money to do so. Its sort of upsetting in a new way.

My H told me he can't even process the amount of damage he has done and how much he hurt me and how awful he was to me yet I still am compassionate and "good".

I guess life lessons never come easy.

[Drew]

I guess life lessons never come easy.

Not the ones we really learn from .....

CityGirl, I commend you.

[rockedworld]

I commend you too CG. Your strength and inner conviction to not only survive but thrive after all you have been through is an inspiration!

[CityGirl]

Thanks again for the support.

I guess the old saying of divorce not solving problems is true. People solve problems and issues, not a decree from the court.

A divorce might remove you from what you think is the problem but all we can do is fix from within. I'll keep fixing. This is not unexpected but still a small hurdle to overcome.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I guess life lessons never come easy.

Not the ones we really learn from .....

CityGirl, I commend you.

Yeah Life Lessons suck...so that hoepfully we learn from the them the first time.

Most of them you get to smile about later, but few if any do we really laugh about later.

CG,

You have your head on straight, nice to see.

[ppenton]

Thanks again for the support.

I guess the old saying of divorce not solving problems is true. People solve problems and issues, not a decree from the court.

A divorce might remove you from what you think is the problem but all we can do is fix from within. I'll keep fixing. This is not unexpected but still a small hurdle to overcome.

so true...{{{CG}}}

[CityGirl]

I feel better today.

My sister came over and had dinner with me last night. I LOVE to cook and we have so much fun together. We laughed so hard during dinner it was ridiculous!

My sister works at a hospital a few blocks from my apartment so she comes here during her dinner breaks 2 or 3 nights a week. It's great!

My dog is making me laugh too. It is so snowy and windy out so no long walks for her. Instead I have been taking her out for really short walks. She is old, has hip problems and does not tolerate the cold well. I take her out, she walks a few feet, a gust of wind comes and she crouches down and makes this crazy "old man" face and wants me to pick her up. So, I bring her inside, get settled with work and 10 min. later she wants to go out AGAIN!

Saturday is my friends b-day and he is having a party at his house. It should be fun!

School is fine. The way I figure it, if you can listen, read, write and retain info it is actually not that hard. I do get a feeling of "ick" at least 3 times a day when I realize I am going to school to pursue some sort of legal career. I struggle, I remember how terrorized I felt during our legal battle and wonder if this is right for me. It's weird.