1)Today was day 2 of Boot Camp. Still amazing to me that I can run 5 miles but 5 minutes of interval/circuit stuff has me drained and weak!
2)This afternoon I have my first IC session. I went to IC in Kansas City after the bomb and it was so helpful. I am hoping to be able to work on detachment, getting past my past/breakup, etc with her.
3)Dan is back...the first 2 nights I fell asleep on the couch b/c he fell asleep in the kids room and I was waiting for him to come out and give me the docs. I know he is tired but I imagine he was also avoiding a little.
So last night was a repeat, him asleep in the kids' room. I was out all evening working at a wrestling meet so I only saw him in passing as I got home and he was getting the kids ready for bed.
Forgot to mention that when he left Monday he said ‘we can talk tomorrow night’—this was already 12:30 am so I let it go at that. Anyway I went in and thumped him a couple times after kids were asleep bc I wanted to get to bed, had to get up at 5 again this morning for boot camp.
He came out around 11:15 finally and sat in the rocker/glider instead of just getting his coat like he usually does. I asked him if he had the papers with him. He said no. I asked if he had signed them, again he said no.
Then he went in to a lot of his feelings, about how he doesn’t want to get d’d for a multitude of reasons, financial, family/kids, all the repercussions of a D. And he said he realized that I was different and that now I supported his goals, etc etc but he didn’t know how to let go of the past. I acknowledged and said I understood, that I was working on letting go of my past too (dealing with his affairs). I just told him that for his own sake he would have to find a way to let it go even if we were divorced. He agreed.
Then he went back to his standby that he doesn’t trust women in general anymore, that at this point the women in his office annoy him, his mom/sisters annoy him, he hears the ‘crap’ the guys he works with are dealing with w/their wives and he just doesn’t know if it is worth it to have a relationship with a woman. I said that concerned me b/c Sydney will obv. be a woman someday. He said he knew that and it frustrated him b/c he knew as long as he felt this way, he would never be able to have a relationship with anyone, me or someone else down the road…
Again I just said it sucked that he felt that way, and he said that he would have to find a way to work on that feeling b/c it was not a good place to be. He just didn’t know how to change it. I just said that he would probably need outside help with that and he agreed.
Anyway at that point it was 1 am and I told him I had to go to bed. So I got up and went to bed at 1:15 and woke up at 5 for boot camp. I imagine he will bring the papers with him tonight since he admits he doesn’t know how to have a relationship and doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to change that.
I know it sounds dumb, but this week it has almost bothered me that Tiger Woods went to rehab. I mean, some are saying it is just a marketing/PR move. But I would like to think that there are some men out there who genuinely see the error of their ways and take actual ACTIONS to change their lives for the better…
Wow, I've been so busy I totally missed the Tiger/Rehab thing. Seeing as how S16 is currently in Rehab, that's almost funny. Would ya stop by when you have time? I could use a little encouragement today. Goldey
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
Bobbi, it's a replay. Break the cycle. Dont enable him to put his problems in your lap. He is a big boy. He should be able to handle it. Dont backslide now. Focus on your goal:a HAPPY Bobbi. xxx K
Bobbi, it's a replay. Break the cycle. Dont enable him to put his problems in your lap. He is a big boy. He should be able to handle it. Dont backslide now. Focus on your goal:a HAPPY Bobbi. xxx K
Yeah, I was thinking, "Lather, rinse, repeat"...he is smart enough to KNOW he has this problem, don't know why it doesn't matter enough to him to choose to get help. As the father of my children, esp my daughter, it concerns me.
He said something about how getting a D will make it logistically and financially impossible for him to pursue his dreams. I told him at that point that I thought he should get help dealing with that b/c I didn't want his negativity to impact his relationship with his kids. I know that will be his decision though so I will drop it now.
<<He said something about how getting a D will make it logistically and financially impossible for him to pursue his dreams>>
this line speaks volumes to me...it has to be one of the most selfish lines I HAVE EVER READ ON THIS SITE. God knows I HAVE READ QUITE A FEW.
<<Then he went back to his standby that he doesn’t trust women in general anymore............he would never be able to have a relationship with anyone, me or someone else down the road…>>
So Dan does not trust you??? He dislikes ALL women??? What kind of crap is that?? That is like saying I don't trust all Italinas because they are all in the MAFIA!
On the Tiger issue and cheaters in general, it amazes me what some people will do or realize AFTER they get caught. Do you think Tiger would be in rehab now if his wife did not read those text messages on Thanksgiving?
I imagine he will bring the papers with him tonight since he admits he doesn’t know how to have a relationship and doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to change that.
Imagine all you want BBJ - you KNOW he won't bring the papers tonight either. Yes, lather, rinse, repeat....keep BBJ on tenterhooks so she can't really do any further movement either. Keep her confused....then keep her down.
He's such a tool. Sorry, I know that's not nice and he's the father of your children, but that's all he is. Being a father and being R material are not connected in any way. Separate the two and you'll do fine.
4.5 hours of sleep and doing boot camp? You know you're going to get sick like that right? Please get some rest. Go to bed even if Dan is still hanging around. Don't talk to him, he doesn't hear you, frankly could care less about you at this moment. He doesn't want his precious wallet hit, that was a disgusting statement he made. Get him away as soon as possible!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Imagine all you want BBJ - you KNOW he won't bring the papers tonight either. Yes, lather, rinse, repeat....keep BBJ on tenterhooks so she can't really do any further movement either. Keep her confused....then keep her down.
I tend to agree with this. Those papers are going to sit unsigned for as long as he can draw this out - no matter what the emotional cost to BBJ - he doesn't really care about that, just the impact on him.
(((((BobbiJo))))) I didn't see anything that had to do with BBJ in the list of why he doesn't want to D. It's all about him, what it will look like, and what impact it will have on him. Yep, selfish.
Sorry, I know that's not nice and he's the father of your children, but that's all he is. Being a father and being R material are not connected in any way. Separate the two and you'll do fine.