Another crazy, busy week -- I am so thankful for the three-day weekend to recuperate, although I may be faced with working from home on Monday just to catch up on projects at work.
I'm without my S's this week, starting yesterday. This week I had the boys. xW has made it a habit to show up at my place on her way to work -- right before I am loading our S's up in my car to take them to school/camp -- so as to give them a hug and say good morning. She's acting so darn anal and paranoid thinking they can't stand to be more than 24 hours without her physical presence. She calls first, to ask permission, so there is that positive sign of courtesy-- but she's already pulled into the parking lot outside when she does so, so it's kind of silly as well. It has begun to annoy me, but I say nothing and let it go.
Thursday night I found that S9 has come down with psoriasis or some other dermatological condition in his scalp. I got him some shampoo with tea tree gel to help treat it. It looks like I and his mother will each be shampooing and treating his hair and scalp for him ourselves for some time to come.
xW, when I let her know about S9's new development, disparaged my getting the medicated shampoo & conditioner, saying it might be too drying for a child's scalp, but I told her it is what our barber recommended. xW scheduled S9 to see the doctor next week, so the pediatrician will make a proper diagnosis. XW made this back-handed comment that S9's condition is probably "environmental" -- meaning my apartment and me in particular. She's standing in my very living room as she's saying this (having given the boys their morning hug, you see), so I know exactly what she is implying, that this is my fault because it was discovered on my watch.
Whatever. I've learned by now that she will always assume the absolute worst she can about me. She will turn the most positive things about me and make them into the most negative in her sick mind, so total is her self-propaganda.
NC, Big plans for the weekend? If not, I could use a prayer or two. Come visit if you have time. I'm in Separated. Also on fb, but perhaps I'm clueless on RL names. Note: Hus is watching my fb, so very limited DB references, please. Peace. Goldey, the rockstar-super-warrior-princess p.s. Don't forget to take some time just for you today.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
Well, one thing I think you should do is NOT let her in your house! If she wants to hug your boys outside, then fine, but allowing her to come in and abuse you verbally or criticize is not ok (and has she ever gone very long without that kind of comment?).
No, you can't change her. I read recently one theory is people like her do that constant criticism due to avoid the finger being pointed at themselves. Or maybe it's projecting, or whatever. My X was just emailing this week about me not being able to accept responsibility for my mistakes (just a little projection there, huh?). You can't do anything about it, but I think you should have firmer boundaries. No letting her in your house, end a phone call as soon as she insults or abuses you, Just email her the facts about your kids, no debating or defending or addressing her personal attacks.
You can't do anything about her and her less than positive parenting behaviors, I think other than pray for her, and trust in God to work everything out for the best. I know it will!
Yes, xW will step into my foyer, just as I might step into hers when at her place, for whatever reason. I normally don't want to cross the threshold, but sometimes I am forced to take a few steps inward, mostly because of something regarding our S's. The same thing happens to her, but she doesn't seem to have any reservations about doing so when the opportunity arises.
There was one time last week she came in through the front door and S9 at one point was enthusiastic about having her see a calendar hangin uo in my bedroom. All of a sudden he was leading her straight for my BR door, and she was following right behind him! I stopped them dead in their tracks with a loud "Hurrumph!" and clearing of my throat. That got their attention and I told S9 to just go fetch the calendar and bring it out into the living room instead. Privacy invasion averted. But Sheesh! I know xW has zero respect for me and all, but to casually ignore my privacy like that!
S9 is so naive. It sort of reminds me of the common myth about vampires -- all it takes is for one foolish or unknowing member of a household to make the mistake of inviting the blood-sucker in your door for the monster to be able to act against anyone therein.
In retrospect, it felt just like S9 was letting the wolf into the fold. Until then, I didn't care that much about xW entering into my home, as necessity requires both of us to be a little flexible in that regard from time to time, for the sake of practicality. But I've got to now watch them all like a hawk whenever she visits.
I had a fairly quiet weekend. Went to another bible group study meeting Saturday, combined with a pizza baking party. That was fun. Sunday and Monday were more quiet -- mostly doing housework and working on our Pinewood Derby (PWD) cars. Had a scout meeting last evening.
Once we get through the PWD (coming up fast, at the end of this month), I'll begin planning new GAL activities.
This might not quite count as a GAL activity, but one thing I have been working towards is to be able to one day self-publish my fictional works that I've been writing. I'm getting very interested in eBooks and electronic publishing. I am convinced that this, in some form, is the future of literature.
S9 and I got his car finished last night. The races are this Sunday.
I am guessing that you got the vampire analogy from "The Lost Boys".
I had a similar experience quite a while back. XW and and OM came by to get a train table I had out in the play house. D7 and (GF's D5) were outside talking with XW while OM and I were moving the table. They invited her in the house. My GF was on the computer and XW came right up to her to make introductions. My GF told me later that it was a very awkward moment and I apologized for my lapse of keeping the vampire out of the house without my invitation.
I think the problem with you being flexible with your X is that your X will frequently overstep your boundaries (almost always?). New rule should be not going in her house, or letting her in yours. Your S are old enough to come outside by themselves, don't you think?
Sorry, I am here, just darn busy. Too much work, too many things I need to get done. I need this weekend off but it's the last one before the Pinewood Derby -- S9 and I are going to be pretty busy with that. Just wish the darn weather hadn't taken such a cold, wet turn. As LWB used to say, blecky.
I am having to agree with you on xW staying out of my home, or at least keeping her from getting beyond the foyer. I have been very conscientious of her space whenever I'm at her door, but going forward I will endeavor to be even more careful. xW seems to have adopted this attitude that anything that belongs to me is either irrelevant or is hers to do with as she pleases. Control freak that she is.
One more day of work this week. Can't wait till the day is over (terrible thing it is to wish even a moment of one's life to pass.)
