Quote: poor guy. i actually feel sorry for him sometimes. more now than ever. but he has to work on this himself, i cannot be responsible for him any longer
i have my own self to worry about, getting me into a safe place
You are absolutely right.
And, saying this in a general way, not knowing if it applies to you or not... there's always a chance that your worrying about him, trying to be responsbile for him might ENABLE him to avoid seeking help himself. You're doing the right thing stepping away and focusing on your self, I think.
how totally true bill, and another reason i need to just drop that rope and let him handle it! LOL thanks for the insight
just wanted to journal this here...
hubby just called and was asking me if we could get together sometime this week and discuss our finances to see where we could cut back on some bills. he said winter is coming and i don't want to struggle like we did last year so we need to see if there are things we can cut back on during the winter
positives i got out of that statement...
1) working on things together
2) he is planning on me being here THRU the winter
3) wants to make life a little easier for the both of us
you know, i am finally seeing him really try in this "r"
Quote: Don't you think that your h might wonder how on earth you could forgive him, still love him, etc?
sage wrote this on someone else's thread, i had to quote it here cause it hit me like a 2x4 smack across the head
last week when i told him i was leaving him, and in one of our phone conversations i said to him "we will always be friends" he said to me why on earth would you want to be my friend
he hurts, he knows he has done wrong in this r and he has no way in he!! believing that someone would ever forgive him for the atrocities that he has committed. well, surprise surprise, i am here for you darling
i remember saying to him "hubby, no matter what, you still make me laugh, and that is ONE thing i will always treasure about us"
thank you sage, for giving me another light bulb moment
Don't you think that your h might wonder how on earth you could forgive him, still love him, etc?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've read this before, I think T2 said this to me a while back! I know that is how my H must feel. I'm trying to let him know I care without making it look like pursuing. I feel like a jumping bean. Jumping around DRing. LOL!
Things do seem to be looking better for you and H Yes, I would say that you will be there for the winter ! I think bowling is a great idea too...H and I have discussed it but it seems to be another one of those things that we just don't get around too
I too know how you feel about the whole men/depression issue. I tried my best to get H to understand that seeking medical help for his depressed state was not a "BAD" thing, that it didn't make him less of a man etc. H acknowledged his depression but said there was "no way in HE!! he was going to take meds or see a C about it. I even pointed out to him that when I took that tact with him regarding MY depression he insisted I was only hurting myself if I DIDN'T do something about it
I don't think we will ever be able to get past the whole "machismo" thing in my lifetime....
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Yup yup yup...CJ blustered his way through chronic depression (he figures since adolescence at least)...Until it helped contribute to our world blowing apart last year.
He's now on meds, but like Bill...thinking already of..."when can I get off of these?"...At least he IS in a depression support group too.
Honestly for me...I'll stay on my meds forever if it means NOT going back THERE>
kk...I didn't know your H has Bipolar...He really DOES need to have his meds on board...It is, unfortunately one of the harder mood disorders to treat as the meds can make them feel "zombied" and the manic phases are sooooo seductive.
There's bipolar in both our families and in some friends too. Must say when they're just a bit "up" these folks are so imaginative, funny, creative...I actually prefer to see them a bit up vs down...although TRY to get a word in edgewise!!!
(Kitti) You are doing great! I am bipolar and so understand you H's moods and reluctance to be on meds..the ups are very seductive...Shiny is correct. The downs suck!
Often, I found myself attacking others for no good reason...it's a part of the bipolar thing...mixed mania, where I become very easily aggravated, agitated, and angry for no real good reasons..so be aware that sometimes your H may just be acting out his illness...and not really meaning to hurt you. I know that's hard to swallow, but it's so true. If you can separate h from his illness....it will be so much easier on you!
It sounds like he is really struggling to show you how much he appreciates you being back at home! So, absence does make the heart grow fonder....
keep up the great db'ing, Kitti! You are so worth it!
bill - unconditional love. egads, something i am finally coming to grips with that is for sure. no conditions in loving a person. oh yeah...i have put alot of conditions on hubby's love for me - thanks bill for the reminder
deb - good morning my sweet. yes, a jumping bean is the perfect analogy. jumping all over creation in trying to do the right thing - i hope t2 calls today!!!!
zoo - machismo - hehe, that gave me a chuckle. i never thought of my husband with that sort of attitude but with this i guess he is demonstrating that! thanks for the words of encouragement
shiny - yup, hubby has been diagnosed bipolar 1 and 2 with paranoid/schizo tendencies. oh yeah, he!! to live with - but i love him anyway
when on his meds he feels very passive, developes an "i don't care" attitude about things. he says that during the affair while he was on his medication he really didn't care about anything. he tells me the reason he is off his meds now is because he wants to deal with this KNOWING that he is using all his faculties. egads, how do you impress on a person they are NOT thinking with all of their faculties???
oh well, this is something he has to journey thru
alaskangal - i try so hard at times to remember that he is bipolar, and that when he does have his manic moments he can be very hurtful (verbally) - but sometimes you are so focused on the words that the logic just dispels. but thank you for that insight.
bipolar and alcohalism is so closely related. i understand the need to calm those manic moments by drinking (i have seen this so often when hubby tries to self medicate by drinking) - i just wish he would take his medicine!!!
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POSITIVES
1) we went grocery shopping together!
2) we watched a silly 80's movie last night, and hubby started acting up about something at the movie, and i told him to stop (playfully) and i took my cold beer bottle and stuck it on his chest to make him stop, and then he grabbed it and tried to do the same thing to me, which means he had to lift my shirt - very playful last night!!!
3) we cooked dinner together!!!
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just journaling ... reading sages post this morning even tho she is not doing good, it actually gave me a bit of comfort to know that the feelings and insecurities i still have are very normal. even after all this time, there are things that still get to her, and i have to realize that they will still get to me
hubby didn't look to well this morning going off to work. i think he is under tremendous pressure to get some bills paid, and so i am taking this at face value and not going to worry about what he feels about us today.
in fact, plan on having a really nice day with daughter today, the sun is shining and we might just go out and do something together!!!
!
Yes, I would say that you will be there for the winter 
- very playful last night!!!