kitti, I love that feeling... I'm going to be okay... this doesn't have to kill me. I think it is true detachment, or at least a realization that we matter as people, we matter as individuals. Of course, I spend the rest of my time anxious about what is going on...
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Remember that upsets and backslides will happen... ...but there's SOOO much working in your favour...keep up with the changes, with the positive PMA.
I LOVE that the boys warm reception for you gave your H a little pause for thought...I LOVE the look you two exchanged while he was helping your D.... I LOVE that he didn't scoot away from you when you sat near him....
pam - i am so glad others can see my positives as well. that is always a pma boost
bill - so tell me bill, why is it so hard for men to admit they are depressed (not you, but men in general) - my husband suffers so much from bipolar yet he won't take his medicine cause he says he feels apathetic on it. oi vea, it's a vicious cycle with him. i sure hate to see him suffer tho.
deb - no jan yet, but spoke to her briefly yesterday on the phone. says she is having a good time!!! we are going to try to hook up tomorrow i think, let's HOPE!!!!
holding on - never ending cycle eh? but the one thing we need to consistantly concentrate on is maintaining patience. cause it's only thru that we will win
shiny - thanks to you too for noticing the positives. yes, i do believe we have a hope for a good marriage in the end, but it takes TIME and patience. something i am working on. but i really feel like i am dropping the rope for the first time since i started db'n! and it feels GOOD!!!
chl - thanks again for stopping by, and thanks for the words on encouragement
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POSITIVES
1) we got our grocery flyer in the mail yesterday and i started glancing thru it in the kitchen ... he stands next to me, puts his arm around me and says "we gonna go shopping together tomorrow" i said SURE and he stood there a few minutes and we looked at the flyer together
2) he went to get the mail and bring the garbage can back from the curb (he never does that) so i told him THANKS for getting the mail and bring the can back and he said "MY PLEASURE" - hmmmm
3) this morning i gave him breakfast and i turned and walked out of his "sanctuary" and he said, hole up a second, i am just curious to know what is going on with your niece (he and my family DO NOT get along) so this was a huge 180 for him (my niece is not doing well, on her way to a hysterictomy sp?)
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another day to make better than the day before
i am thinking about joining a bowling league. what do you all think???
Quote: bill - so tell me bill, why is it so hard for men to admit they are depressed (not you, but men in general) - my husband suffers so much from bipolar yet he won't take his medicine cause he says he feels apathetic on it. oi vea, it's a vicious cycle with him. i sure hate to see him suffer tho.
No, you can include me in that statement.
W had her mini-breakdown in Feb / March and started councling. Her C (now our C) kept insisting that I was depressed too, and I kind of chuckled. This really hurt W's feelings - like SHE needed help, but I was above it.
As for me, I had this attitude that I could cope with it, it was a sign of strength or something. I made the statment to W at some point that I'd reached some level of comfort with it through my life, and could handle it - and she heard that loud and clear that I wasn't going to take any action.
It took the bomb for me to take responsiblity for doing something about it. It's so simple really... going to the doctor and saying "I need help" --
There's a fear of losing yourself, I guess. If your behavior is based on effects of medication, then who are you, really?
For me, having internalized a philosophy of self-reliance and that life is about personal growth, a dependence on medication seemed to me to be cheating. Well, it's not - it's a tool that available. Like anti-bioitics.
My perspecitve is a lot different now. I had a responsiblity to myself, my W, and my family that medication helped me address. But it was a BIG mental block against it. And, already, I'm starting to think about when I get off of them, so it's not completely gone away.
I don't know, somehow your H has to see the magnitude of what he's responsible for, in himself and family, and see the medication not as a weakness but as a tool.
thanks for sharing some of that info with me. i am hoping that when hubby does come out of his fog (mlc or whatever he is going thru) he will see the advantages of going to counciling and getting back on his meds
he really needs to do this, and i am not talking for the marriage sake, i am talking for his health sake
poor guy. i actually feel sorry for him sometimes. more now than ever. but he has to work on this himself, i cannot be responsible for him any longer
i have my own self to worry about, getting me into a safe place
Bowling IS great fun. I just didn't like that I always ended up on the late shift. Maybe join as a sub, just to see if you like it and that way you won't be committed to every week, bowling is a long season.
If you do join a league and need a team name...well I'm sure you could get lots of advice here!
...but there's SOOO much working in your favour...keep up with the changes, with the positive PMA.
I LOVE that he didn't scoot away from you when you sat near him.... 
