For most people divorce is nothing short of an utter tragedy. It hands down was the worst time of my life. Watching my father die was terrible but it is the progression of life when somebody is so ill. Learning of my disease was frightening but it was the card I was dealt and sometimes that just happens with a disease. For some reason it is easier to reach acceptance for certain "tragic events" or at least it was for me. Logically I knew my father could not live on life support forever. It didn't make it LESS tragic but it was tragic in a different way.
But divorce is something different. I am not sure I can articulate why in a sensible or eloquent fashion. I would like to try and see if I can be of assistance to somebody that way I was assisted on something I simply did not want. Maybe I will be able to handle it, maybe not but I do know I would like to try.
CG,
My father passed away at a pretty early age in 2003 suddenly. And I know EXACTLY what you mean. My father's death was unpleasant, but it pales in comparison to what I (and everyone else here) am going through now. I would rather live his death every day for the rest of my life with my old W by my side than go through this D.
Maybe it's that we all know death is inevitable. But a D does not HAVE to happen. That, and with death, there are no feelings of trust/love that are betrayed. My father (and yours) didn't choose to leave us. Our spouses, right or wrong, CHOOSE to leave us and break up a family.
I think, for me, that's what makes death easier to take than a D.
You don't agree with me going back to school? Why is that?
I am not asking you to agree with how I handled my cheating husband. This thread is not about my husband and I. This thread is about me and my future.
If you are going to make an extremely smart ass remark like that be prepared to back it up. So what do you NOT agree with as far as how I am handling MY future as a single woman? Care to share your wisdom with me?
I am just catching up here, but I can tell you that is hot!
CG - It's H's loss.
Strong minded, strong willed and the right kind of attitude to get it done- I think it's great ( and kinda attractive!).
And if you want to move to Texas, CG. I can't get a pizza delivered out here but I can cook!
No really - I love your attitude.
I feel same about my cheating W- her loss, I'm venturing on!
She hates it, just like your H does, so keep it up!
M43 W43 D11 S7 M18 T20 WAW is back & trying (no she was lying) Close to callin' it busted but.... watching Whatever the outcome - It was a choice.
Just stopping by to say hi, and thank you for all your input on my sitch. The legal threats seem to have toned way down, so maybe we can get our agreement hashed out in mediation. My W agreed to drop the requirement that the kids get passports.
Sounds like you are doing great! Good luck at school!
Hey OB - LOL, I know I can bit a much at times. That was one of my H's biggest complaints that he didn't feel necessary to voice until after the fact. That I was too independent and would not let him help me enough. Apparently when I was diagnosed with SLE he didn't like my reaction (note: my father had died just 6 days before I was diagnosed) and he wanted me to handle it in a different way so he could be "the lead supporter". Of course that is what led to him convincing himself that is not what he signed up for so CLEARLY that was all MY fault. I still to this day don't understand why that is such a bad thing and his answer is always "if you don't get it you never will". Okay, guess I won't get it then!
Actually though I had a slight argument with my mom today and it really upset me. Her and I have not had any cross words for years and communicate very well even on things we differ on. But she said the same thing - I don't need ;people. This all stemmed from last night (yes, I am rambling but I guess I just need to get it out). I got very lost y'day. I was coming home from school and I took a few wrong turns in a maze of one streets downtown I was just so turned around. I don't see very well at night and headlights make it worse. I hate being lost when I am driving. It frightens me to my core when I can't see well. I was alone, lost, couldn't see and I just started sobbing and I could not stop. It was so stupid and certainly crying about it wasn't going to make me see better or magically know where to go. I really have not cried like that in a long time. My mom happened to call and I was trying to pretend I wasn't hysterical and just chatted away and kept getting more lost. I finally told her I was lost, scared and very upset and she got so upset that I just didn't call her right off the bat.
Today she went on and on (and I did not contribute much positive to this conversation and I take full accountability for that) and told me how difficult I am to help and how I always am on my own and I have been like that my whole life and how could I not know that made my H sad? UM, because my H never said a thing about it for a decade. That is why. I don't even know how we got where we got in the conversation but it wasn't all that nice and I hate feeling so confused with my own mom!
We will work it out but I really don't see how me being strong willed and independent is now such a problem for everybody. Since I am the common denominator I guess I am the problem but I am not sure why. She was so upset that I would "rather" be lost and scared and blinded by headlights while driving then just call for help. I kept driving because I was NOT in a good neighborhood and it didn't feel all that safe to pull over so my "plan" (not well thought out, I know that) was to keep driving until the neighborhood improved then pull over and ask for directions. This seems so dumb to be upset about but for some reason it made me upset, my mom upset and my step dad upset. I guess I better try and think about it in an unbiased fashion.
FUTURE - I am glad for you if things will work out in mediation. The BS becomes endless and I know you will do everything you can to ease the BS and be an awesome dad! I take NO joy in knowing somebody else might be on the verge of the battle I went through and I am thrilled you will not have to deal with it!
I am so shaken right now. Sometimes we stress about things that we don't like or feel so hurt about and forget how fragile life is.
This morning I heard the cleaning lady (she cleans all the common areas of our brownstones) in the basement and I heard her scream. I didn't think much of it as she works with a crew of men (painters, electricians, the super and so on) and they pick on her and "play fight" all the time. A while later I heard a ton of commotion in the basement. Our super, his name is Tom, who has worked in my building for almost 20 years was found passed away in his office. The cleaning lady discovered him hence her scream. She knocked on his office door to put in a supply order and when he didn't answer she opened it up and found him slumped over his desk.
Every Tuesday he stays late in his office to fill out time cards, put supply orders, review the work orders for the following week and so on. He has been doing this for the decade I live here. He ALWAYS eats pretzels while he is doing this. In fact, all the tenants always got him pretzels for holiday gifts. He must have passed away sometime after 5pm y'day as his paperwork was on his desk along with his pretzels. His little radio was on and one of the other workers thought he had on the same clothes as yesterday.
I feel just horrible. My apartment is positioned right over his office and I was home ALL last night and I never heard any sort of noise that would indicate he was in distress. I am sitting here stunned that he was passed away all night and we all just went about our business. I am racking my brain wondering if I heard anything unusual that I just blew off as common noise.
A few years ago Tom had cancer and went through several rounds of chemo but told everybody he was doing better. He never complained and treated all the tenants in this building like we were family. Tom's daughter went through a horrid divorce a while ago and he moved out of his house so his daughter would have a place to live and he got a teeny apartment. Tom had two little grandchildren and sometimes he would bring them to work and give them pretend jobs to do. They would wear their little play tool belts and have a ball. When my H moved out Tom came over and told me he didn't need to know what happened but he knew my H was not living here and if I needed ANY help to find him. He was only 51 and just so sweet.
The cleaning lady is STILL in the basement, just sitting there staring and not saying a word. I think she is in shock. I think her H is coming to pick her up.
There is awful energy in this building right now. It's all so sad and sudden. And to think y'day I was STILL bitching about something so stupid as being lost. Gosh, what I complain about that simply does not matter is sickening. I need to do better.
Thank you PPenton. His children must be so shocked right now.
I am running through every move I made last night. The only time I left the house was to walk the dog three times and I really don't even remember the exact times I did that. I didn't turn on the tv until after 10pm. Did I hear something, anything???
My neighbor who is a super close friend of mine just called me. He was also home all last night and is also racking his brain if he heard anything out of the ordinary. Did we? Are we so used to "common noise" we ignored noise that somebody was dying? Maybe there was no sound... I just can't remember anything strange but how I could not hear anything? Maybe R (R = my neighbor) and I could have ran down there and called 911??
