Be fair to her (and the potential dog). If you have reservations, something is missing - then it's missing. I watched "He's just not into you" last night.
My opinion is that you let her go. And it isn't fair to have a dog, especially a puppy, if no one is home for most of the day. They really are like perpetual 2 year-olds - they suffer when left alone. And your parents are not enthused...
Is it fair to start off relationships where one of the parties are not loved fully?
Of course, I could be talking out of my..... (((hugs)))
Do you usually just see each other on the weekends?
Did your anticipation of seeing her change much along the way?
Of course, in the beginning it was exciting, but we all know that euphoria wears off. It does sound optimistic that you feel that her positives far outweigh any negatives.
It sounds like she is the pursuer and you are the distancer in the relationship. That is pretty typical that women pursue and men get some cold fee. Is the pushing a bit too much or fast for your comfort zone right now?
Do you find that after spending time researching relationships that it has helped you get a better handle on the dynamics and communication involved in this current relationship versus when you were married?
All opinions are welcome. I saw the movie as well. Maybe we can say that she is more into me than I am into her. I think you hit the nail on the head with the dog, however, not sure about NGF. After reading a post yesterday, I began to ask myself if I would ever "give" myself to someone else the way I did to the XW. I honestly think the answer is no. It may be sad to some but I am ok with it. Now as far as your opinion to let her go....that kind of intrigues me. What have I written that would make you come to the conclusion that I should let her go. What does it mean when you know someone for nine months to love them fully? I am very interested in the answers.
Kerry (bro), let me try to answer your questions in order;
We see each other when we can...no set times. My anticipation is lower now then it used to be but not much lower. Yes her positives outweigh the negatives by alot....I honestly can't even tell you what is missing. As I stated above it is not her it is me (was that a line from that movie???). I don't think she is pursuing too much or going too fast. It is moving along at a nice pace. Would she want it to move faster...i think all women want that at some point.
To answer your last question bluntly, I have learned to shut up and listen and not try to solve things. That is the most difficult thing for guys to do I think. I must be doing a good job without even knowing it because I am loved (not romantically) by a boatload of ladies in my life and quite honestly I am not sure why. Maybe they are right, I AM a nice guy. I just never believed it.
Ok enough woman talk, time for a stogie with the boys....
Would you TELL NGF that there was something missing, you can't tell what, but you are willing to stay with her, anyway? That you will never open up as fully as you did with your xw? How do you think that would make her feel? Has she always been more into you than you are into her, or is this a fluctuating (normal up & down) thing? It just seems like you are settling so you are not alone, maybe even until something better comes along...? If you can't have that kind of intimate sharing, what are you doing?
Again, I could be totally off-base - if that's the case, please ignore me!
<<Would you TELL NGF that there was something missing>> No I would not because I am not sure what it is and am hopefull that as we get to know each other more, this feeling I have will dissipate. What possible good could come out of me being so brutally honest? It is a feeling I have...I am questioning myself...she is a notary not a psychologist ....LOL
<<If you can't have that kind of intimate sharing, what are you doing?>> Maybe I am the one in left field here but that is some serious intimacy. What am I doing? Certainly not settling in order to not be alone. I only see her sporadically although we are in contact every day.
I guess I am just being empathetic towards her - I feel bad that she is with someone who has these reservations, and she has no idea. Nine months isn't a lifetime, but it is almost a year - not sure what else you might learn about her (especially since most woman are pretty comfortable communicating about their emotional inner-life).
What good could possibly come of this? Her being free to be with someone who IS "into her."
I am probably being over-sensitive, given that my X's feelings changed and he chose not to share that with me - however, it seems... ok, these are not nice terms, but... not forthcoming? deceptive?
again, I'll leave it alone now, since you are the one living it. But maybe it is something to think about...
I think you should just keep doing what you are doing and not try to over analyze what you are going through. Maybe you are having a mini-MLC . It sounds like things are not that bad and you are content with the status quo. As time goes by, you may gain more appreciation and acceptance of her or you may lose interest. Dont rush your feelings on this one.
I am speaking from experience as I tried to get deep feelings for my last GF, but there was little things that all added up and of course there was the big things that I should have noticed as red flags earlier. I had communicated to her several months prior about something that bothered me (too much criticism) and she promised to stop, but her criticism only returned. My time with her was 9 months and as you know, when I decided to end it, that was a most difficult thing for me to do as I wanted no part in breaking her heart. But that is what dating and learning about each other is about - it is hit and miss.
All's fair in love and war. There are no set rules like there are in golf and stogies.
Good morning John...as always..I have questions and comments..
John...is NGF ok with the way things are at the present?? I have been getting the impression that she is...
is she pressuring that things move forward from what they are??
are you two exclusive??
I can understand how you feel John..I think that men who are left behind tend to reach a point where they might make themselves believe that they can't commit to another woman..I think in order to get past that then you have to get a "just let go" mentality...in other words..the crap that happened to you before will not repeat itself if you have truly changed...I believe that..
If I were in your shoes..I would chill...I would work on just letting all that has happened in the past, go...sometimes we are our own worst enemies...
I would add, we almost always are our own worst enemies! Funny thing happened similar to your sitch John, I let go of who I was with but not what I lost! Took a little time and realized I let go of the wrong thing! Did not know it at the time, but I was holding myself prisoner! Once I reflected on things again I realized, oops! Good thing for you, you have a chance to avoid the opps! Not saying new GF is the one, but I am not saying she isn't either!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Donna, I think deceptive and not forthcoming may be a tad strong. I am probably over analyzing as Kerry put it. There have been no real red flags, a couple of yellows. Mike, I am not looking elsewhere or "waiting for something better to come around" and yes we are exclusive. I would not have it any other way. She is happy as am I with the status quo although at times I get the feeling that she wants more. I am content with the present arrangements. My place, her place, some sleepovers but nothing more "permanent". Anyways, it looks like the boys (k, M and the goodfight) vote for sticking around and the ladies (Donna and maybe Gyps) are saying end it. Could it be another venus and mars thing?
. It sounds like things are not that bad and you are content with the status quo. As time goes by, you may gain more appreciation and acceptance of her or you may lose interest. Dont rush your feelings on this one. 