Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I can't (nor do I want to) do anything till 4:30 AM except snooze....
It does npot surprie me that Dan was not able to utter those phrases to you. I am not sure what it would change because I have always stipulated that actions speak louder than words (that goes both ways). As far as bringing things (his signature) up to him or not, I really don't think it changes much. I guess if you wanted to get ALL this over and done with, you would have been after him to sign prior to his departure. I know a part of you still is hoping for a last minute turnaround...we have all been there....some just have more patience than others.
I agree with you, actions speak louder than words. I just want him to man up and say it to my face, rather than taking the coward's way out as he has been...but that clearly won't happen so I won't bring it up to him again.
Right Lola, out with the old! I am reorganizing the home office as part of my 2010 resolution to be more organized with my records and my finances. I want to get on track with the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. The goal is to get yourself debt-free except for the house (ideally even the house but hey there is only so much we can do!)...and to get on a budget so you know where your money is going.
With Dan's salary I always had the luxury of knowing we had enough money for what we needed. Mind you I never went on crazy shopping sprees or bought $100+ shoes...but I knew if I wanted a $3 Starbucks or a $30 sweater from JC Penney's I could get it...I also knew if I lost my job we made enough that we could handle it. Now I need to plan ahead and honestly I will probably be more comfortable with less money because I don't have to worry about where/what/who he is spending money on...
Oh and I just got back from signing up for "Mom Boot Camp". It is a 6-week program, M-W-F from 5:30-6:30 am. We had to get weighed and measured today (UGH!!!)and it starts either tomorrow or next Monday...JEFF--by week two we have to be off the bubbly stuff so I guess I will be back on the wagon...
I just want him to man up and say it to my face, rather than taking the coward's way out as he has been...but that clearly won't happen so I won't bring it up to him again.
he's gonna continue to do what he does cause he can...
Dan reminds me of these criminals who want to commit "suicide by cop"..in other words they want to die but are too chicken chitt to pull the trigger themselves...they yell their gonna kill themselves adnt he cops are encouraging them to put the gun down and all of the sudden they point the gun at a cop and boom..they are dead..basically cause they don't have the balls to put the gun to their head and put themselves out of their misery...
Dan is not gonna sign those papers until he's forced..
If you want the divorce then go get it....tell your attorney to push it through...
To ask the question is to answer it. I think BBJ was looking for a little closure or you might even say that she wanted that stray bullet to hit her. I firmly believe that healing comes from INSIDE YOU and not from someone else's words... someone else’s explanation will not help you to closure.
I meant pop, as we call it here...I will budget my drinks for special occasions...
John & Mike,
I am pondering the analogy. It led me to some questions I need to ask myself. I wonder though, in that depiction, if the police never shot the guy, would he have killed himself?
In my case, if I had never filed, never moved the ball forward, what do you think would have happened? Do you think Dan would have just never filed? We would live indefinitely in two separate households but not divorced? Just curious...I couldn't live like that and so I filed...
I tried to answer that question myself and thought he may have just avoided it until another woman in his life (ow or someone else down the line) pushed him to get a D so she could marry him.
Anyway John I need to delve deeper into that "getting past your past/breakup" book. I got a couple chapters in and then Dan left town and I got going on other projects along with having the kids 90% of the time. Tonight I will have to pick it up again...
Maybe Mike/John has it right, and maybe I am the one wanting to get shot, so to speak. If he had filed, if he had cut off all contact, pushed the Divorce through, told me he wanted nothing to do with me, I guess I tell myself that would hurt but also make me face it directly.
This passive, "I love you, I want to be with you but something is missing and I don't know how to get it back" BS is such a sh!tty way to handle things. Actions do speak louder than words and he is showing me that he is not 'in'...
I just think it is cruel or maybe just self-indulgent for him to be in/out, in/out so often the past couple years. Hell in September, 4 months ago, he was talking marriage retreats and making it work...even though his heart was not in it. I just don't understand why he would even start down that road time and again if he didn't honestly want that on some level...
OK this is not the road I need to be going down right now!!! Need to go play with my kids and change my focus...
