Sorry you're having a rough time with the weekends SD. I know how weird it is to suddenly look forward to Monday. Definately let yourself vent that pain, but give yourself plenty of reasons to feel proud of yourself and make sure you enjoy as many simple pleasures you can squeeze into every day. Even if it's just a really good cup of coffee. It's a balancing act.
Age: 28 Wife's Age: 28 Relationship: 10 Years (dated on and off) Married: Less than one year Seperated: 1.75 years, finally served with D 4/30/2011
How do they NOT feel any sort of guilt? They DO, that's why they try to spin it back at you
How do they look in the mirror each day, and feel good about themselves? They DON'T, that's why their so angry, they know they did something wrong and it makes them feel better to pass the buck.
How do they continue to LIE, and deny, and deceive, and keep a straight face?? Eventually in the end Karma is a Bieotch!!!
I just can't believe people are like this-especially my WIFE!!!! You can't believe it because you look at her with a loving heart and never believed it could happen to you.
We are all here for you, we are here for eachother. Like you told me brother, Just Let God.
Me:33 Wife:32 M: 6/26/99 D:8 S:6 Bomb: 8/08 PA MC/IC: 8/08-7/09 Bomb: 12/26/09 Contact OM(I need to work on me) In Limbo
The good news SD is that you don't have to have it all figured out right now. Do it at your own pace. Just be. Enjoy what enjoyment life has to offer you. Don't be in a rush to figure it all out, because there's no way you can. Nobody's putting a gun to your head to completely move on. Just be careful with how you deal with W and know that you don't have to have any firm decisions about her one way or the other just yet. This is the woman you married who you love who bore your sons. You don't have to have it all figured out. Vent, live, and sort through it at your own pace. But it is important to find those simple pleasures and appreciate your loved ones who are treating you right.
Age: 28 Wife's Age: 28 Relationship: 10 Years (dated on and off) Married: Less than one year Seperated: 1.75 years, finally served with D 4/30/2011
I wanted to write an update or synopsis of where my sitch is right now.
W told me she didnt love me anymore in October. We were having problems since August.
Begged, pleaded, cried to W to stay with me.
Found DB, started to post.
Hired PI to confirm A. A confirmed first week of Dec. Gave W "I won't share you with another man" boundary - got laughed at, told that she wasn't seeing anyone.
I involve OM chain of command, OM tells W about PI. Not sure if A has stopped.
Went home on R & R 2nd week of Dec. Spent great time with boys, then W sends me pic of OM #2 that lives in Dallas, same guy buys my W a black onyx ring for X-mas. I again establish boundary that I will not share her with another man. She says they are "just friends", and that they "only" kissed. Ya right.
2 days before I am scheduled to return overseas, W aske me to meet her for drinks so we can talk.
I agree, we cry, we agree to counseling etc. We ML, all seems good. W denies any A, and deflects any blame from herself back onto me. I allow her to do that-not sure why.
I leave country. Immediately I sense a change in my W. She is indifferent towards me, and finally tells me on Monday last week that she is done, as she can't get over the fact that I don't trust her, and I hired a PI.
Since last Tuesday, I am dark. Have spoken to my boys off and on due to work.
Not sure where my sitch goes from here. I have busted the A's that I KNOW of.
It just seems to me, that right now, my W doesn't CARE if I know she is doing this stuff.
So, what do I do now?
I am deployed, I am not at home, she is doing the same things she was doing before I went home, but is even more set on getting D.
I am sure there is nothing I can do to stop her from having any more A's.
What can I do to save my M now? I'm not sure there IS anything I can do...
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
I just want all of these thoughts, emotions and pain to stop. That's all.
I just want to be happy again.
It hurts so bad, KNOWING the woman I love more than any other, is making love other men, and doesn't even think of the consequences. It's just so desrespectful.
I wish I could just press a button and all the thoughts, images, and words would go away.
I just want to heal, I just want to get angry, I just want to know what the future holds for me, because right now, it ain't looking so good for old SoldierDad.
Ya, I'm really swinging today. Back and forth, up and down.
WHY CANT I JUST BE DONE WITH HER?
NO ONE DESERVES THIS-NO ONE.
I need someone, anyone, to tell me the truth-am I just spinning my wheels with this woman? Am I wasting my time and energy on someone who doesnt deserve it? Am I completely crazy for even caring one iota about this woman-the woman that has repeatedly crushed me and my feelings?
What the hell am I doing trying to save this shambles that is my Marriage?
Honestly, why should I continue to care?
Jeez, I am really wound up...
Last edited by SoldierDad; 01/10/1011:10 AM.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
My W really did something to me when we were together for those 2 days.
I dropped my guard, and my defenses because I thought SHE was sincere, and wanted to work on our M.
I feel like a 2 time failure, as she just kicked me to the curb, like I was NOTHING.
How does a man handle that?
How does a W do that with no remorse?
I just can't process it. I really can't.
I feel like I've done something wrong, and I'm sitting here, waiting, for her to throw me a scrap of something-anyhting, to make me feel better about any of this.
She doesn't give 2 $hits about me, if she did, she wouldn't be playing my emotions like this.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
I'm sorry SD, but this is probably your TWENTIETH post that says the same thing. "How could she do this? Why do I still care? Wasn't she sincere? How could I fall for this??"
Etc.
Etc.
Etc. STOP WALLOWING. It's not attractive, it's not EFFECTIVE, and you're harming yourself and delaying your healing.
You get some of the most (quantity) and best (quality) advice of any of the Newcomers, and yet 3/4ths of your posts are just these kinds of complaints. People are going to stop posting to you if you don't stop wallowing.
