Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

I am having a hard time.

My W really did something to me when we were together for those 2 days.

I dropped my guard, and my defenses because I thought SHE was sincere, and wanted to work on our M.

I feel like a 2 time failure, as she just kicked me to the curb, like I was NOTHING.

How does a man handle that?

How does a W do that with no remorse?

I just can't process it. I really can't.

I feel like I've done something wrong, and I'm sitting here, waiting, for her to throw me a scrap of something-anyhting, to make me feel better about any of this.

She doesn't give 2 $hits about me, if she did, she wouldn't be playing my emotions like this.

[givingitmyall]

Come on buddy.

She isn't playing with your emotions. YOU are. So stop it. NOW.

You are still falling into the trap of deriving your happiness from her. That's co-dependence. Your happiness comes from within you. And nowhere else.

Stop working yourself up. You've done this a lot, and you know where its taking you.

[SoldierDad]

Thanks GIMA.

[Gnosis]

I dropped my guard, and my defenses because I thought SHE was sincere, and wanted to work on our M

you wanted to believe in her.

She isn't playing with your emotions. YOU are. So stop it. NOW.

^ ^ ^ ^ THIS and

You are still falling into the trap of deriving your happiness from her.

^ ^ ^ ^ THIS

i.e. You allowed her to define your existence and your happiness. Remember that when I told you that this was a psychological war?

[SoldierDad]

Yes, I remember.

See the thing is, I'm not sure what I am doing.

I am db'ng as told and I want to do it.

I would just like to see SOMETHING from my W that she isn't sure of this, or whatever-I don't know what I want.

I know what I can't have-and that's my W. Somebody else has her now, and that HURTS.

I really got to get a grip today. As I said weekends are the worst, as that is when "things" happen.

I JUST HAVE TO LET GO AND LET GOD TAKE CARE OF IT.

Somehow, someway.

[Another_Soldier]

SD you and the others made me feel better when i was down. REMEMBER this is an emotional roller coaster. Today your down like yesterday I was down. Today I am up and that is with help from you.

Following what i am getting at. We are ALL here for EACHOTHER!!! Don't let yourself feel that way. You have got to let it go. I know i will probably be told the same thing a day or two from now.

REMEMBER---It's an up and down ride bro, think of the up side, take your mind off of it, Let's go to the Greenbean and have a coffee or something...

Be Positive and Let GOD

[SoldierDad]

Well, the thing is, my M is over. I know this, but I am having a hard time accepting that fact.

I keep hanging on, hoping, praying that she will come around.

It ain't gonna happen, and besides, WHY would I want to spend the rest of my life with someone that has inflicted more pain and damage on my heart than anything else I have ever been through?

I have to get it through my thick skull that my M is over.

There's no going back, it's over.

She will never change, never admit to what she has done-NEVER.

She isn't capable of telling the truth-I know that now.

I just have to accept it. That's all-NOTHING ELSE - ACCEPT IT.

[bluerain]

Hey SD. There is a volcano here, Mt. St. Augustine, it is pretty regularly having minor eruptions. Tiny earthquakes accompanied by emissions of steam and ash. The thing is, these tiny non-consequential eruptions let off pressure and avoid a catastrophic eruption. These huge eruptions still happen sometimes, air traffic is disrupted, ash falls, the whole place looks like a moonscape, and you have to rinse your car off before you go anywhere, but everything is fine. After an Act of God, everything is fine.

So, the moral of my story is, let yourself vent, or have tiny eruptions. Let yourself experience your emotions, write about them here, but make no mistake, they are your emotions. You are in control of them, not her, not the OM, not anyone but you. And if you happen to have a catastrophic eruption, forgive yourself for it and know that everything will still be fine.

What are you going to do to stop the volcano? Nothing, you cant control that! You are instead going to accept it and prepare for it, and do what you can to protect yourself and your emotions from the fallout. So you know that your weekends are tough- plan for it. Make sure that you dont have time to feel suffocated by your situation. Keep busy and focus on improving yourself rather than wallowing!

SD, You are an excellent man, and you are going to be just fine through this, but I really hope that you feel better than your messages are conveying. What have you done to make yourself feel good today?

[TulsaTime]

SD,

Don't beat yourself up. You loved her. You are giving it your all. It hurts. I know. We're here with you. We are hurting with you.

[SoldierDad]

Tulsa, I am really struggling tonight.

I am feeling so sorry for myself. Crying, trembling. I just cant let go...

and it is SO stupid-feeling sorry for myself. Why should I be feeling this way? I didn't cheat on her. I didn't stomp on her heart. I just hurt so bad, and I dont want to feel this way anymore.

Why am I so wrapped up in her? She is NOT a good person. She doesnt give a damn about me. How does that make a guy feel thousands of miles away?? Like $hit.