Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[Puppy Dog Tails]

The weekends were the worst for me as well. That's pretty common around here. It was all backwards: looking forward to MONDAY, and dreading FRIDAY!!

Puppy

[TrentC]

I feel that the weekends are the hardest for me, as my mind wanders about what my W is out doing. I am pretty good during the week, but these weekends, I struggle to get through.

There's got to be something you can do.

Someone suggested volunteering for extra duty. See if any of your comrades-in-arms have some ways to pass the time you haven't tried, like boardgames or card games; I'm a gaming nerd at heart, and there are more fun games out there than you can play in a single weekend.

[SoldierDad]

I will/am.

It's my down time, that is the worst. I am sitting here getting ready for the day-drinking my morning coffee, and this is when I think of her.

Just gotta get going, and get off my "pity pot".

I feel guilty for having these moments, as I miss her.

[SoldierDad]

I've read robx's sitch, and see many similarities between his and mine.

I need to do the same as him, as far as not putting up with the same things he did, and re-claiming my manhood, and self-esteem.

I think if I could date, or be around other women, I might be able to work on the self-esteem issue, but considering where I am, it ain't happening.

I have to do this. I HAVE to quit accepting this behavior, the lies, the half-truths, the deceit, the CONSTANT denial.

I have been thinking of my own sitch, in that, those 2 days I spent with my W really damaged any chance at future reconciliation. The reason I say that is, she views me as weak again. She sees me like I will ALWAYS be there for her. I'm unattractive to her because I cried right along with her. I ACCEPTED her, even though I KNEW she cheated on me.

I SHOULD have stood up to her, and refused to sleep with her. I SHOULD not have allowed her to deny the things she did. I SHOULD have held her accountable for her actions.

I'm not sure what I want right now, but even if I did want my W back, I really hurt any shot at we had at reconciliation with my actions.

I gotta get to GAL'ng.

[TrentC]

The reason I say that is, she views me as weak again. She sees me like I will ALWAYS be there for her. I'm unattractive to her because I cried right along with her.

Did she react as if she was turned off by your tears at the time? Or was a genuine shared moment of pain?

I'm not discounting what she's said and done since then, but you really don't know WHY she flip-flopped. Maybe OM talked her into it.

I ACCEPTED her, even though I KNEW she cheated on me.

Look, you can't turn back the clock. If things were different -- if she hadn't flipped back into psycho mode, and was still talking about working things out -- you would still have to accept her back knowing that she likely slept with other men.

I SHOULD have stood up to her, and refused to sleep with her.

I might not have agreed at the time, With what we now know about sexual relations affecting the opinion of the court, I would now.

I SHOULD not have allowed her to deny the things she did. I SHOULD have held her accountable for her actions.

I've lost track -- did you tell her about the PI?

I'm not sure what I want right now, but even if I did want my W back, I really hurt any shot at we had at reconciliation with my actions.

Not necessarily. She has to own her actions and reactions, too.

Maybe she came to you crying crocodile tears and slept with you to mess with your head.

Maybe she was genuinely hurting and honest with you, but once you got back on that plane, her resentment of you leaving her -- even though that's your job, and she knows it! -- flared up again. OM probably helped with that; dirtbags like that will always act to try to keep that gravy train coming their way, at least until they're done with them.

One thing is true: you can't go for 6 months, or however long before you're stateside again, in an emotional tailspin. If for no other reason then you're endangering your life and the lives of men and women who count on you to have your head screwed on straight.

There is nothing you can do about your relationship right now. If she emails to vent to you, ignore them. You should be able to set up a mail rule or script in whatever program you're using to forward all of her emails into a folder and mark them as read.

[SoldierDad]

No she was crying along with me, it was like we were opening up to each other, and discussing our M.

No, I didn't tell her about the PI. The Soldier she was seeing did. I re-affirmed it when we were together-she denied any wrongdoing. As a matter of fact, she told me the date the PI said he followed her was wrong!!

I could FEEL that she was hurting, but somehow, someway, she buried that pain after I left, and became bitter again.

Not sure if any of this makes a difference though.

[TrentC]

Like I said: she could resent you for leaving her to be deployed, as irrational as it sounds.

All of the bile she's spewed at you since she left could be a case of pulling back -- she might have been scared to find out that she has feelings for you still, and is trying to push you away.

That doesn't make it hurt any less -- believe me, I've been there.

It doesn't make a difference in that there's nothing you can do while deployed.

Treat interactions with her as you would with any complete stranger; be polite. If she tries R talk, tell her "we have a lot to discuss when I get home." Commit to nothing.

IGNORE the spew. Once you see her going off, close or delete the email.

[SoldierDad]

Ya,

no matter what it is, it hurts.

Also, there have been multiple partners for her. Would probably be easier if there were just one, but she is searching for something.

I tried to speculate and all it got me was deeper into my funk.

She hasn't contacted me besides short, curt texts and e-mails.

I haven't contacted her since Tuesday, I will continue that unless I need to respond to something about the boys.

Also, she NEVER initiates R talk, just when she is angry that she can't wait to be divorced from me etc.

[SoldierDad]

I really hate the weekends.

My mind is racing.

No contact from W either.

Just having a tough morning. Got to let go.

When am I going to finally say - ENOUGH! and be done with her?

I'm venting, but really, when am I going to finally realize what is happening? When am I going to man-up and tell myself that I deserve better than this?

I DO deserve better. She doesn't deserve me.

I am so disappointed in my wife, and her actions. I can't believe she has done this to our family, her family, and my family.

It is such a selfish thing to do.

[givingitmyall]

Understand about hating the weekend. I did for a while.

You KNOW you deserve better. You are just processing the emotions that are resulting from the rejection of your W. It's normal. Get busy. You know what to do.