Another Sad Deployed Soldier/Dad

[TrentC]

I caught myself thinking about what it would be like if i were caught in one of these IED attacks or jsut not even caring about life any more.

I'm coming back to this because this should be a HUGE RED FLAG for you. This sounds like suicidal thinking, and that definitely makes you a danger to yourself and your comrades-in-arms.

You need to talk to someone.

[Another_Soldier]

I think i had an awakening last night, I realize now how messed up my thinking was, thank you all for being here in times of crisis and need. It really does help and i do know and understand that i can get thru this. I woke about 0300 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I caught myself thinking "why do i want to be with someone so bad that does not want to be with me" I know we've been together for a long time but i think i am starting to wake up. NO MORE CRAZY TALK I PROMISE. My kids and me are the most important thing right now.

Thanks again guys...and gals

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Attaboy, AS. Attaboy.

Puppy

[TrentC]

And I'm serious; if you start feeling that hopeless again, get to someone who can help you.

You don't do anyone any good if you get yourself killed.

[MichelleLT]

Saw your post on SDs thread and decided to drop in. Thank you so much for your service. It is so sad to see so many of us soldiers on here - I went through the opposite - my XH got very depressed on his deployment (1 yr in Baghdad with an INF BN), started drinking heavily, came home (if he waited that long lol) and had a few As (couple online, one physical that I know of). I thought that being M to someone else who was also in the military would actually mean we understood each other better, but he couldn't understand much of anything through his depression (nor would he admit anything was wrong and seek help since his unit had a very strong stigma as well - gotta love the infantry ).

Sounds like you are having a rough time of it. Like deployments aren't hard enough you get to have a bunch of other stuff dropped on you. And knowing a few guys from the 82nd, I definitely understand what you are saying about the attitude there. There is a reason those guys are in my unit now and not still with the 82nd lol.

Despite the stigma, the regs have changed. Things are confidential for the most part. It can't affect your security clearance if you have one. If you really need to talk, you can call military one source for free over the phone counseling, totally confidential. There are lots of resources out there and the other guys won't be able to find out about some of them.

You have a good first-line sup at least?

Hang in there. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.

[TrentC]

It's been a couple of days.

How is that PMA coming? Let us know.

[Another_Soldier]

WOW thanks for commenting all, PMA is going well went to the Combat Stress Counselor yesterday and just unloaded, felt like such a pu$$ and he told me that what i was feeling was normal given the situation i have been put in. Haven't had much contact with the W over the last few days and have been feeling a lot better. The Dr put me on some meds that should help the worry and anxiety but take about 2 weeks to reach full worth.

I still have my nervous and worry spells but i just do what i have been told, i also see when i don't contact her she persues me more. I'm not being an a$$ to her just politelly telling her that i am busy and would get back to her when i had more time.
I have been going to the gym still and it helps to take some of the edge off.

I have been reading robx's thread and can't believe how similar our stories are asside from the seperation. I have to be seperated right now and can't help it. Wife on depression meds and the wrong ones for a while and all even down to the post partum depression. I am taking a lot of good out of his story. I think it will help me tremendously.

I will make sure i keep you updated as i go and i am just letting go and letting GOD. Working on myself and getting any kind of life i can being where i am.

Still i am very on edge and nervous about going home here in about 17 days now and just gonna try to make the 2 weeks i am home the best 2 weeks i can. Gonna live them like i aint never gonna get them back.

[MichelleLT]

Sounds like that was some much needed venting! Hope the meds help. Good for you for having the strength to challenge that stigma and do something to help yourself!

It's scary how similar a lot of our stories are. We as the LBS spend so much time wondering how our WAS could do this to us and thinking we must be horrible people to be treated this way, and then we look around and see that the WAS syndrome is really very predictible, and the WAS do things that are so similar it's like they all got a copy of a script.

Try and keep this kick-a$$ attitude!

[TrentC]

Haven't heard from you in a while.

Just checking to see how things are going.

[Another_Soldier]

Hey yall, Trent, Michelle, SD, and especially robx because his situation other than me being 10000 miles away is so similar to mine and i look at his story for his strength and willpower to do what i need to do to get thru this.

All is going as best as could be. I have been making little contact with the W and when i do call the house i usually only talk to the kids. Sometimes the W gets on the phone but i quickly let her know that i have a lot going on and have to go. The meds are starting to kick in and i have been GALing and feeling a lot better than i have been. Every day is a new day and i know it is my decision to make it a Good or Bad day and i just try to focus my thoughts on happy things. I am glad you guys keep popping in to check on me i was really down and think that i had hit rock bottom last week, but i am picking up the peices of what is left of me and takikng it day by day.

As for any R talk there hasn't been any and the little convo i have had with the W i have been acting like "as if" there was nothing wrong and worrying about myself. I will continue to try to be strong and rock steady.

I have about 8 days till i head home for R&R and that does worry me a little and i am a little anxious about it.

Well i'll keep you updated.