Another Sad Deployed Soldier/Dad

[SoldierDad]

Hey man, my wife did the EXACT same thing tonight, and it isn't the first time.

You have got to let go of it.

She is going to do whatever she wants regardless if you call her 100 times or not. As a matter of fact, calling her will just drive her further away.

Let Go and Let GOD Soldier.

[Another_Soldier]

I know SD it's just too hard for me right now. I didn't spend almost 11yrs with this W just to let it all go down the drain. I am doing everything in my power to keep from calling. These last few weeks have been so emotionally draining and i don't know how much longer i can hold on. I caught myself thinking about what it would be like if i were caught in one of these IED attacks or jsut not even caring about life any more. I just don't know how much longer i can hold myself together and i know as soon as i go see the Chap they are gonna send me to the crazy ward. The 1st phone call from my command is going to be to her and that will just show my weekness to her and i just don't know any more man....I leave country in almost 3 weeks and it's killing me cause i just have to come right back in 2 weeks. No time at all to really even scratch the surface...

[SoldierDad]

Dude, go see the Chaplain. It's anonymous. There isn't anything your Chain can do. Believe me, I went and saw mine. It will help you.

You gotta try to get your mind off of her.

You are an honorable man, defending his country.

You have children that are depending on you to be there for them. They NEED you to be there for them.

Believe me, THEY deserve to see their Father come home as a returning WARRIOR.

Let Go and Let GOD my fellow Soldier-you have to.

From one Senior NCO to another, you CAN do this.

[patpat]

Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? That's when you believe something will happen. You act as if that thing will happen, and lo and behold, it happens! Divorce can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. if you are depressed because you think your relationship is faltering, then that makes the relationship worse, and from there things can continue to get worse until they lead to the inevitable conclusion.

That's why Michele W. Davis says you should "act as if". Act as if everything is good. You are happy. Life is good. Because positive things happen to people who think positively. Want her to be more loving? Act as if you are in a very loving relationship, your positive energy can bring forth good things.

AS - I have never posted on your thread before, just wanted to say "Thank you for your service" much appreciated. Sorry to see you here, but this is a great place to vent and recieve advice.

Lotus is right. Do not lead you R into the direction your mind is thinking. Negative thinking - mind reading is IMO, is you leading yourself on a path of self destruction mentally.

You need to find a way to remain strong. Strong so that you do not mess up "over there" and cost your kids their father.

All I can add about your sitch is this... your W misses you. She too is confused and lost. You are away right now and that makes things harder.

I believe you need to act like you are in a more loving R. This IMO will have an affect of W. Positive energy can have a good effect on W. You will become the person she will think about most because you will confuse her thought process. She will try to figure you out and that puts you in control of your sitch. You CAN lead the outcome.

As for going home... do not worry about the time you do not have... concentrate of the time you do have. Make the most of it. Leave W and family talking about how great it was to have you there, how much fun Dad is, and when you leave, they will have that to think about. This could be a great thing for you.

AS, I am a former soldier (11B 2/27th Inf Bat. Ft Ord; late 80's early 90's; Med Discharge after Dessert Sheild '91) as well. I know how you feel. Especially the feelings of hopelessness... when you are so far away and can not just go home to take care of the things, we as men, feel we must.

Do not worry about what W is doing. She is who she is and she is going to do what she is going to do. You can not control her actions. You can, however, influence her in ways that may lead her back to you... that is why you MUST take care of yourself. Be upbeat, polite, positive and loving.

Act as if.... and wait for the results... it is tough, to be sure... but do-able. As a soldier, you know that a tough fight sometimes last a long time. You have to gain knowledge about the sitch, and attack it where you will have the most effect. Look at the end result you wish to attain, plan you steps to head in that direction. Use the advice that you have recieved here on the board... put it to work for you.

Your are fighting 2 battles right now. 1 for me and I thank you, and 1 for your family and I pray for you.

Do not let your mind wonder aimlessly. Take control of the negative thoughts. Design your battle plan and attack. You can do it, and you will be sucessful regardless of the outcome.

I will continue to pray for you... I will check in from time to time.

God Bless you SD, and once again, Thank you for what you do to continually provide for my freedoms and others...

[SoldierDad]

Also,

make the absolute best out of your R & R. DO NOT obsess over her, or try to find anything out while you are there-you will just drive yourself crazy.

Your kids need you right now, and they will need you even more when you go home for those 2 weeks. Spend EVERY second you can with them. They are precious cargo, and they need their Father to show them the importance of Values, Honor, Integrity.

Don't waste a golden opportity to show your kids what a true American is all about.

Do you know that only 1% of the American population has EVER served their country?

Think about it - 1%. What an honorable profession we are in.

YOU must be there for your kids, they depend on it.

[Another_Soldier]

I know you all understand how hard it is not to let your mind run a million miles an hour. I am doing the best i can right now with this and that is why i am on here so i don't do anything stupid like call and get crazy on the phone or send any stupid emails or messages that would just make me backslide. Working real hard on bettering myself but today is one of those days. I have been keeping busy and ya know as well as i do that it is just too hard sometimes and we just have to crack or breakdown. I have calmed down within the past few min, just trying not to go over all this in my head. I can only spend so much time a day in the gym and there isn't a whole lot of anything else to do where i am. I can go back to my room and hang out and watch tv. SD you know just like i do that as a SR NCO it's kind of lonely at the top, not a whole lot of people we can hang out with and blow off steam and a lot of the SR's i have here are not very understanding and it's frustrating. that's how the 82nd is. Mental problems are looked at like a STIGMA and the 1st thing the 82nd does is try to put you aout of the army for that kind of stuff, especially if they have to re-deploy you for mental health reasons. Your only as good as your last accomplishment around here and i have to fight with that too. My PTSD and Depression that i had already been diagnosed with hasn't helped me much and i feel like i am already fighting to keep my head above water.

Just thinking about my kids and know i need to be their superhero is what i need ot focus on and it helps sometimes but today was just one of those bad ones.

Thanks ALL

[givingitmyall]

AS,

I suspect we all understand what you are going through b/c we all went through this. And we still deal with it on smaller levels.

Google "thought stopping" and "livestrong.com".

You will make it through this. WE here are proof of that. And when I was where you are, I couldn't see anything getting better. But it DOES. You have to have faith. And persistence to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Stay busy. Keep working out. Read. Volunteer for extra duty.

And keep venting here. Not to your W.

You can handle it. God will not give us more than we can handle.

[patpat]

AS

82nd ... small world...

I lived on Bragg for 2 years... SF's (tasked)

1990 I was tasked out to the 82nd (scout) Panama...

Also, '88 Show of Force Honduras; 82nd jumping in... went south for awhile after they arrived.. don't know if I should talk about this one...

[TrentC]

OK, you definitely need to get a grip.

There is literally nothing you can do to change her behavior from where you are. All this worrying will just get you worked up to no avail.

You can't "fix" her. Not from Iraq, and not when you get home. Anyway, people don't want to be "fixed"; all trying will do is make her resent you even more.

[TrentC]

I caught myself thinking about what it would be like if i were caught in one of these IED attacks or jsut not even caring about life any more.

And that is the other reason you need to get a grip. The more you obsess over this, the more danger you expose yourself and the men and women around you to. You say going to the chaplain might get you sent to a hospital? Better that than put in a body bag.