Wanted to start a new thread as my sitch is approaching a new phase:
Prior thread is PLEASE HELP- in WAW
Just found out my Uncle's cancer was not removed entirely; he has 2% remaining in his aorta. W and I were supposed to go on a cruise- she changed her mind, I flipped...now Im not going either; I'll be going to my parents place to visit w/ my Uncle. Not gonna be relaxing, as my sitch is nothing compared to the fight my Uncle has.
Will be nice to get outta FL though so W and I can have some space. Maybe I'll be able to show some self discipline and NC.
I have a hard time in her presence- tonight I told her she seems alot nicer (she and OM have not called eachother since I busted the A to OM GF). Funny I ask him to respect my M and not communicate w/ W, and he spits in my face, but I get his GF involved and there are results.
W said- well you're not in my face hounding me...proof that no R thalk is working. It's still always on the tip of my tongue though. The anxiety lessens when I realize I'm not gonna say what I have to say.
The more I let go, the more detached I felt as well.
Forgive me as I don't know how to make a link to prior thread, if anyone can tell me, I'd appreciate it.
Funny I ask him to respect my M and not communicate w/ W, and he spits in my face
I think this is pretty much 'script' as far as OM behavior goes. I had the same experience.
Quote:
, but I get his GF involved and there are results.
Great - I am glad this worked. I just recently tried the same thing but since the connection between OM and GF was questionable I am not sure of the impact. I do know OM is P.O.d and I am seeing it through how he is manipulating my W.
Keep biting your tongue on R talk. I have fell through recently when W brings up R talk or berates me about contacting OM's GF, but otherwise I stopped R talk months ago and it definitely reduced the tension.
Something like cancer or some other type of tragedy with someone we are close with certainly brings things into perspective.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
W and I watched Fireproof last night- something she had said she wanted to do for a while now. She commented on the poor acting on a few occasions, and the cheesey montage near the end, but other than that she was pretty quiet. She normally falls asleep vey early in movies, she did make it a point to watch the whole thing, even though 40 min in she said she was ready for bed. I actually spoke w/ my ex last night as well. She's M and having problems- W and I were in S rooms, and I kinda made it a point to be upbeat and funny on the phone- jus loud enough so she could hear me. Sometimes I feel like a kid doing this- anyway, I keep encouraging my ex to work on her M, she's hopeless, and had read DB years ago- whats fkd is that she's even abused in her M, but won't leave b/c she doesn't believe in D. I'm in a decent M that just needs communication and it seems like W is all about D. Too funny- I reitterated that I love my W and am fighting for the M, I don't know if that hurts me in the long run, assuming W heard me. I just didn't want to go too far w/ the mystery of talking to anOP. Spoke to W about goals and whatnot- shot down the conversation. Just says no idea of what's in store for her. Sometimes I feel like there is no progress, then remember that as long as there is no fighting or arguing, she might just have a reason to stay. I'm supposed to meet w/ L 1/25. Really need advice here. I don't want a D, so why even bother seeing him??
Too funny- I reitterated that I love my W and am fighting for the M, I don't know if that hurts me in the long run, assuming W heard me.
There is no harm in expressing you want your M to work. We only get one life so we might as well say what's on our mind at the time and make the most of it. She knows you want it to work. The rest is up to her. It's a joint effort.
I will see the L just to see what's in store and what the process will entail.
W def heard coversation- said she hopes the OP wasnt bored since all I did was talk about my problems...well that's what people do, right, talk about things and bounce off of others.
NO R talk this AM, trying to figure out bills and such, she's contributing, so that's a plus.
Curve ball- MY dog has a lipoid ,mass on her neck, it's benign but getting bigger. W is concerned and stated, why don't we set aside some money each month to see about getting it removed...?? Didn't press anything just said, that sounds good.
Seems like it could be something, or nothing, I don't know yet.
