Can any good come out of giving W some "space"

[Virtually_Handsome]

Bad idea.

You have to figure that your W's friend will talk to your W, and you get to look like a 7th grader.

There's a journey you are on. You might succeed in restoring your marriage, or you may not. But if you are going to succeed, you can't try to take shortcuts.

You shouldn't be trying to do things to move closer. You should be doing things to work on yourself. If you are doing nothing, you are not doing it right. But doing something does not mean pursuing, and being needy.

[LolaL]

Okay I am just going to be blunt.

You are at the beginning of this. If you want to chalk it up to a loss after only three months, there is no way you are going to make it through. Throw in the towel.

This process ... regardless of the outcome ... will take years. You have two choices, buckle down and do the work, or forget about it.

You have only not talked to her for a week. I went six months. There is a woman who is a success story who talked to her H a handful of times over a two year period.

I realize this is very hard. And the thought of years is daunting. This is why you take one day at a time. Treat it like a recovering addict, ask yourself do you really NEED to call your W right now? What will happen if you don't? I know exactly how you feel, you are afraid that if you stop calling she will forget you.

She won't.

Right Jeffy Poo? I think you used to tell me the same thing...

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Lola)))))
You mean you were listening?

[brknheart]

@Virtually_Handsome,

Yes, she will talk to my W. I haven't said anything to her friend that I haven't told my W. My W knows I talk to that friend anyway. Its just comments like that make me feel hopeless.

[LolaL]

Who me? Naw....

Not only did he not forget me, Brk...he calls me now. We have not managed to work through the issues, but he does still call...

[Virtually_Handsome]

brkn...
If you are trying to DB, R talk by proxy isn't going to cut it.

I'm going to pull out the big word that no one likes.

Patience.

[Lost Rabbit]

I was separated from my H for six months.. He needed his space and quite frankly if I hadnt given it to him we wouldnt be together now! It was and still is the hardest thing I have ever had to do..

Our upheaval for want of a better word started early May 09, he left in Aug 09, I saw him a couple of weekends after that but then a whole month of going NC or as little as I could possibly manage.

Well he started coming back to visit, and after a rather big tantrum session on his part where I stayed as cool as the preverbial cucumber stuff started to change, he started to stay longer each time he came and now we are back together although separated on and off over January whilst he finishes off commitments/hobby classes where he went to live!

Space can be good, if it gives them time to think, but echo Jeff 100% dont talk to anyone else about it, I even gave up talking to my mum who being in her seventies got the whole wrong end of the stick, phone my sister and relayed stick, then sis (we wont go there) phoned my H and relayed stick to him, laughingly H knew that the stick was just a tall story and thankfully knew me well enough to realise what had happened and we had a good laugh about it.. Just remember if you sort this whole sorry mess out both of you will have to face all these people again..

[HHIF]

I know the feeling,when we were first seperated I would ask her friends things and when she found out it made her madder and more distant.

It sounds like she is very confused which is very common.I know you want to fix things,so do I but you can't,you have to detach and let her figure it out.

I've been back home almost two years and she is still going through who she is and what she wants and yes it seems very selfish and unfair but I can't make her do anything,the only person we have control over is ourselves.

You have got to work on you and let her see you getting on with your life and not begging her or chasing her.

I am not giving up on my wife but that is something that is different for everyone.

[LolaL]

Patience is a virtue. Ask us how many of us are truly virtuous

[brknheart]

Patience sucks a%*.

Patience is a very weak point of mine. LoLaL, I cant take much more of this, maybe a month or two. We have no kids, so we are not tied down. Regarding her friend, we talk occasionally, then out of the blue she calls me last week to see how I am doing. She told me things (past and present) about my W that if my W found out, she would disown that friend. I think she called because she doesnt like what my W is doing, feels sorry for me. She even said she doesnt want to see me get screwed in the end. We went out for some coffee and a movie, talked some more.

Not sure if I mentioned this earlier, but my W even said she wouldnt do what I am doing if she was in my shoes. I asked what is that suppose to mean, should I just give up? She said no, she wants space to see what happens. Very mixed signals. I know many people would have run from the beginning of this.

I havent called her in over a week. Txted a couple of times to ask about non R stuff.

I dont want to explain what happen in this thread before this "space" thing, but to sum it up short and sweet. My W moved out, lived with a friend for 3.5 mths, I didnt talk or see her for 1.5 mths, she comes over one day to talk, we start hanging out, slept over at her place a couple of times, she said I was going to fast and smothering her, i should have backed off, she came up with the "space" plan, i moved out of the house, she moved back in. Most people said not to move out of the house, but I would have anyway if we get a D.