So I just got the decree via email and printed it out.
What took 18 years to build, will take 14 pages to undo.
Like it never even happened at all...
"The marriage previously existing between the Petitioner and Respondent be and the same is hereby dissolbed, the marriage is terminated, adn the parties are returned to all rights of single persons."
I know, I know, my Superfox training has taught me that I don't want to waste the pretty on somebody who evaluated his life with me and decided, "Nah, I'll pass on honoring that commitment". I want to be fully and unashamedly LOVED and to feel free to fully and deeply love in return.
Just hurts like a sonofabitch to know that person won't be my husband. Or should I say, ex-husband.
Will come back later with my goals for the New Year. Have already been working on them....
Thanks for the love and support. I have gotten more from you guys than I ever imagined logging on here 2 years ago...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Thanks. Trying to get all the tears out today so they don't come back later. Will that work? Yeah, didn't think so...
But I will be ok, in time. I know it...
Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
Since there's no more you and me It's time I let you go So I can be free And live my life how it should be No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you Yes I will
Last edited by BobbiJo; 12/30/0906:38 PM. Reason: Thought of some fitting lyrics
Bobbi Jo - Getting the legal part done is disgusting, but I can assure you that you will find (or maybe found already) a great guy that will treat you as you so rightfully deserve.
The NEW YEAR is lamost here BBJ....new decade actually....
Let's ALL turn the page together. the last chapter of the decade was NOT what we wanted it to be....but luckily, there is another book in the works.
Chapter 1 begins with a lovely young woman full of life ... a great mom, daughter, sister......friend! All the folks who will and have come in contact with her are better for it ....some don't realize it and some will be lucky enough to have her around them for a long long time....make it a wonderful NEW book BBJ.....
I forwarded the decree on to Dan. The only reply he sent was that he didn't know how he could get me the lump sum within 30 days, he needed a payment plan or to cash out the 401 K....
Seems to me he had no trouble cashing out a piece of the 401K to put down on his house when he wanted to...
18 years and his only concern is the cash.....sad.
Actually, I am not that surprised. Cash is tangible, it is safe.
Emotions are a whole different story. He can't talk to you about it, for fear of kicking himself in the a$$ for letting it get this far.
It's all about pride. Some people would rather hold on to their pride, thinking they are saving face, rather than just admit they are flawed and they screwed up.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Reading LolaL's response - that really hit home in a couple of ways. With the way our economy is so messed up and the likelihood that it will get worse before it gets better, it's very understandable why someone would value the cash. Then again - those dollars are backed up by the government.
YIKES!
It takes biting into a large piece of humble pie to admit that you are wonderfully flawed and always will be. A lot of us here get that. Maybe someday your XH will...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
I am going to Borders shortly to get that book, "Getting Past Your Breakup" or whatever it is called, the one that was written by the lady John210 posted from earlier on my thread.
Personal goals 2010:
1)Follow the Dave Ramsey "Total Money Makeover"--I will spend my money intentionally in 2010 and have a goal to be debt free except for my house and possibly a car payment (my car has 220K miles) by mid-year.
2)Strenghten my faith and trust in God--To that end I will continue to be active in my church and re-read "What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do"; written by the Christian authors of the "boundaries' books. A few months ago it was sitting out at my house and Dan borrowed it to read. It never came back so I will just get a new one...
3)Solidify my career path-- I need to evaluate the situation re. finishing up my ELL endorsement, attempting to get re-assigned at my school, and worse-case, work as a sub next year. I already decided I will not spend the lump sum from Dan unless/until I find out for sure I am gainfully employed next year. If I am NOT, the lump sum is coincidentally equal to one year's salary for me. So I will just sub in my local district for a year and figure it out from there if I have to, living off the child support, alimony, and sub money means I wouldn't even have to dip into the lump sum that much I don't think. But at least that way I don't have to try and find a job out of town, which I have no interest in doing...
4)Be more intentional in taking care of myself-- I will start writing up a weekly schedule for myself (having a set visitiation plan in place should help with that), making sure I schedule in 2 mornings and 2 evenings a week to get some form of exercise, be it working out at the Y, running at home, trying a fun class at the Y, etc etc.
OK I am sure none of you needed to read that but I wrote it out for myself. I didn't put anything about finding love in 2010 because I don't know that I will be ready for that. Lots of other ducks to get in a row first, taking care of BBJ.
Kerry I am still talking with CA every couple days via email. I am sure we will go out again sometime soon. It is nice but I don't know if it means anything yet. For one thing I know that anyone I wind up involved with will have to make me LAUGH and SMILE on a regular basis. If he can't do that, he will not be "Superfox Eligible"....
Your lovescope for December 31, 2009 The planetary alignment is making you very aware of just how complex relationships can get. On the one hand you want to go ahead with a brand new affair because it offers new hope and new possibilities for the future, as well as arousing your curiosity. On the other hand, an old partnership is beckoning, and you are not sure whether to go back. Trust your heart!
How almost-but-not-quite appropriate... Too bad that CA and I have not really gotten that close at this point, and Dan is not remotely 'beckoning'...
Oh well! Ringing in the New Year with the kidlets tomorrow. Making lots of appetizers for dinner, and I got them little hats/crowns that say "Happy New Year"...
Just got back from Borders. I got the book about "Getting Past Your Breakup" by Elliot. I also got "9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life" by the Boundaries guys.
That one is for refocusing and getting myself on track in 2010.
To that end, I also got a new calendar for the kitchen. Some sort of MomTime scheduler/calendar. So I can put appointments, lessons, meetings, etc all on the main calendar and help organize my life. Also got a small personal planner so I can plot out my own health/fitness/personal development time...
Too bad that CA and I have not really gotten that close at this point, and Dan is not remotely 'beckoning'...