Looking for my new normal

[Gardener]

Bunny,

I'm glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel Gardener. It sounds like you have a good plan for the new year, and I hope the mediation and house sale go according to your wishes.
Hugs, Bunny

I'd feel better if the Year of Gardener was also the Year of SpyBunny.

[Greek]

I'd feel better if the Year of Gardener was also the Year of SpyBunny.

'Bout time you both had a year to call your own
Greek

[soleil]

Spy, its absolutely wonderful you've moved into your own apt. Your h has serious issues. its not normal for a man to give his wife a camera for the purpose he stated. the IC is going to be great for you. maybe you could even call in the meantime to see if any slots open up or there are cancellations. am sending you a great big hug.

[Bridgestone]

I have over two weeks until my next IC appt. (Jan 14) Not soon enough, but that was the first open evening slot. I obviously really need it, and I think my post-separation issues are pretty clear now.

A word of advice.. as this is all too common in the IC world. Call now & take their next evening appointment... you don't have to wait until you see them to book the next one.

I would book as many as I could ahead during my most traumatic time. I was almost always booking 3-4 weeks out.. as soon as I would finish one appointment, I would book one 3-4 weeks out, knowing I had one coming up the following week. It does take a while to get on that schedule but once you do... it's worth it.

New normal.. you are learning what new normal is & feels like. How skewed your view of "normal' has been for years. Be gentle with yourself as you first recognizing abuse, ignoring his gaslighting about the abuse, eventually accept that's what it is/was & find the strenght & self-esteem to establish the first few boundaries.

It is very, very difficult to go through these each of these steps fully & you will backslide... you will grow.... there will be good days & bad days.

Time to pick myself up again and move on...

This is what you need to do..and you are.

You can handle it.
Peace
Bridge

[iwantittowork]

Bunny,

Sending hugs your way, but I would hope that you take the advice given here, and really look to get to your IC soon as possible! Talking to your IC going to help, and I would recommend you go early and go often!

Coming to the boards, and and posting is nice, but I have found it immeasurably better to work directly with my IC, and why I think so many of us are urging you to get to the IC quickly!

Do you believe that your bugging or pushing your IC if you call and ask for help early? I ask, because I am trying to understand your reluctance to really pursue that urgently.

Were worried about you here, and seeing that you have been in an abusive relationship and still getting hit by your H with crap is tough to hear! I am so angry with your H right now, I can't explain it in a forum posting....

You have already come a long ways forward, and really am proud of you!

[SpyBunny]

When I first scheduled it earlier this month, it didn't seem like a big deal, and it really wasn't until this weekend that I realized how messed up I feel. I was out of vacation time to take a half day in order to get an earlier afternoon appt., but I am on the cancellation list. And yeah, I guess I don't want to bug her, or anyone else for that matter- I'm not an in urgent situation, I can handle it for a while longer.

[iwantittowork]

(((((((Bunny))))))))

I hear you bunny, and I understand. I really wished I could give you a hug. You are so worth it, and you have handled things that show how strong you are!

I guess I don't want to bug her, or anyone else for that matter-

I was afraid that would be you answer, and it's indicative of you being in an emotionally abusive relationship. Your not bugging your IC, nor anyone else, especially here! Your IC is there for you, and you need to understand you are as important as everyone else your IC works with, and also just as important as your IC themselves!

It's time to put Bunny first! You deserve it!

[Gardener]

Bunny,

I guess I don't want to bug her, or anyone else for that matter-

I was afraid that would be you answer, and it's indicative of you being in an emotionally abusive relationship. Your not bugging your IC, nor anyone else, especially here! Your IC is there for you, and you need to understand you are as important as everyone else your IC works with, and also just as important as your IC themselves! It's time to put Bunny first! You deserve it!

I agree with iwitw. Call your IC. Remind him/her of being on cancellation list. Tell him/her new developments make three/four weeks out "uacceptable". Say that at this point in your sitch you need weekly visits. Some ICs will provide telephone sessions when necessary.
I know it would be hard to start from scratch, but maybe a new IC is in order if this one can only give you only less than monthly visits. If you don't get any cooperation re: moving up this app't. and/or increasing the frequency of sessions, ask IC for recommendations for a new IC. Maybe that will get him/her to be more accommodating.

Besides, do I recall you being less than satisfied with IC; saying, in effect, that IC "doesn't get it", or was that MC?

[soleil]

If you don't get any cooperation re: moving up this app't. and/or increasing the frequency of sessions, ask IC for recommendations for a new IC. Maybe that will get him/her to be more accommodating.

Besides, do I recall you being less than satisfied with IC; saying, in effect, that IC "doesn't get it", or was that MC?

Yep. Very good idea. I think you will find the IC is going to be MAJORLY helpful, Spy. I hope this day finds you well.

[Gardener]

Bunny,

Gardener- you are so sweet, my friend! You made me smile, thank you!

You're most welcome. And by the way:I hope I also made you think. And re-evaluate. And realize!