I can take it no more soldiers wife need help

[bluerain]

Stop talking to him. Leave things be for a little while. When he sends you an email- DO NOT ANSWER IT RIGHT AWAY! Wait a few hours or a few days even to answer it. Dont make him think that you are pathetic, just sitting there like a puppy waiting for some attention from him.

Have you called your doctor yet?

What do you think of the things that I said in my last post to you?

[armywifevampi]

yes im still waiting for a doc. to call me back i guess cuz of the hollidays its kinda ruff... to get someone to call me or see me.......

and i called my doc. and hes on vc so im just here....

[bluerain]

What about the other things, having self respect? Not letting him be mean to you? Are there other doctors at the clinic who could see you? I think that the sooner that you get some help the better.

Take care of yourself here, you will make better choices and be in better control if you are eating and sleeping enough.

[armywifevampi]

yes i know that trust me i do but when i get depress there is nothing else that would funshion correctly any more not even my brain ........... u see no hes all friendly and he just text me say hey u i told u i promiss i text u when i get up .... i did i dont even want to look at my phone .....


why would he do that

[bluerain]

Dont try to figure him out. The point is that hes trying to be in contact with you AFTER YOU WENT DARK, right? See girly, this has worked! When he texts you, wait a while to answer and keep the reply calm, cool and confident, and short. Dont be needy- I will say that again- Do not be needy. I think that one of the reasons that he has started to get back in touch with you is because you havent been needy, you have been dark and he has started to wonder whats up with you.

Now, if you want to stay married you have got to get a hold of yourself. Im sorry for the tough love, but you have to do this and get focused.

-Dont try to read his mind.
-Dont be needy.
-Dont be pathetic.
-Dont try to interperet his actions/inactions
-Focus on yourself and what you can do to make yourself happy.
-Take care of yourself.

Do you do to church? Pray, remember that saying "Be still and know that I am"? You need to be still. Settle down, quiet your mind and calm down. The world will keep turning, your heart will keep beating, your daughter will still love you and I promise you that the sun will come up tomorrow, and because of all of that- you WILL be ok.

I know that your hurting- lots of people on here have been through really similar situations, and we all know how bad that this hurts, but every single person on here will tell you that you have got to get a hold of your emotions.

[armywifevampi]

so its ok for him to talk to me as a friend and him just talk to me that way ....

cuz he told me that is beter this way hes tierd of huting me and he dosent want to do it any more its beter that we go our sepret ways is that ok for him to say

all i said was if he wanted to save our marraige he said that why dont i just give up like he gave up on me ...

i dont know what to do do i still act like his friend and not bring up anything

do i say anything about or relation ship or just treat it like its realy done betwen me and him

[armywifevampi]

do i only answer when he text me much later .... or do i still

answer and keep chating when he want to .... i felt so bad cuz he just keept on talking but as a friend

he said we still had to talk cuz we have stuff together and we have a doughter but yet he has not talk to her again

what do i do go dark again

[bluerain]

cuz he told me that is beter this way hes tierd of huting me and he dosent want to do it any more its beter that we go our sepret ways is that ok for him to say

This is a line that they all use. Mine said it to me and if you were to look around at some of the other threads, you would see that almost all walk away spouses say the same things.

I have already answered your question about how to answer him, more than once in fact. Look father up on this page and you will see it.

Is he treating you well? Is he treating you with the decency that he would treat a friend, or an acquaintance? I dont think that he is, and I think that by sitting there and being availible to him whenever he wants to talk to you, you are ruining all of the hard work that you did going dark.

When you went dark and didnt make contact with him, did he start to come around and want to talk more?

It was because you gave him a chance to miss you. Now that you are there at his beck and call, he is going to take advantage of it until he is bored, and then he will break your heart again. I dont beleive that the only reason that he wanted to talk was because of D18, shes old enough that you dont need to be as close coparenting.

[armywifevampi]

i thank u for always saying and giving me hope... for more to come ... im felling a bit better i got up today after sleeping for more the i can say...

but if i can do everything again i would if this time is not so real to say i am feeling better i realy do not wish to talk to him and if i dont see him its ok...

its been very very pain full and i ask can i change my # and just say im done with all the talk and pain right now i am going dark with no words to speak im moving on with my life ...

like i say i do love him more then ever but my life and my baby girl is what i see right know ... is it wrong of me to want what i cant not have ....

and see for my self that maybe just maybe it was ment to be like he saids ... if my mine plays in hes roll i might just give up on our life together i know its been 21years and it might be time to just give it a rest ....

dont know what will become of me but i know ill be ok with or with out just thinking of the words upset me and i dont wish to her them no more...

i am in the dark ... but i think with my self as well wanting to please him and not pleasing my self first ... so from now on its me first and my girl if he trys to call or text i will not answer weather i wish to or not....

i think its something ive been wanting to do for a while and i cant get it threw my head that it might just meant to be this way like alot of people say things happen for a reason...

it always dose so i do very much thank u for being the one to give me hope for me and my future not only have u been my gidence in everything ive been doing right now...

but uve acted like a friend i havent had in a long time puching and giving me the streanth i need to get by day by day i wish u the greatest x-mass and i will have u in my thought at all times and the word u drilled all the time has help me in my journy for more to come....

i just wish that things would have gone in a better rout cuz off all the good times in our life ... i do see all he sees right know is our pass and how much pain he has made me go throw in our life ...

i wont give up but im going to put my foot down and do me know and think of me know and my girl ....

hes tring not to give me acksess to my schooling ive tried to reason with him to acsept me in the email so i can get all my info on hes ako ....

but he gives me the runaround so i told him thank u and i will figurer it out my self wish i have so i dont think i need to speak to him no more for a while ....

im starting school i hope in jan. and things will turn out good for me ill meat new people and keep my mine in my classes and my girl .... i just hope i can keep my head up and keep going fowerd and my life will get better ...

i thank u again with all my heart that u guys have been the one to open my eyes to a better life for my self and i hope u keep puching me and not give up on me like i have done ....

ill be back later on today and see how my day went at work ...

? can i go out and have a good time with friends ... if i am asked out should i go even thow im married ... would that be wrong for someone to ask me out on a date ...

this would be my first time ever going out on a date if asked i have never been with no one but him and its hard when uve always have low self esteam about ur self ...

i think i would have to work on that my self and this might be the right time to do so and then maybe my life would get easyer as im breaking throw this all at once ....

the reason why i ask is ... my H never said to me im beautifull or how i was looking good or nothing like that for years now did he get me flowers or gifts on no ocations .... its been maybe 10years of our marriage thats been that way ...

could it be my falt for haveing low selfesteam of my self ..

well ill be back and keep them coming im getting beter and want to do this more and more i think about it i know i can ...

thanks see u guys bye

[armywifevampi]

i have one ? befor i go ... should i or should i not go with out saying nothing to him .... to korea should i go for it and take that chance even thow like i told u he said ...

u can come if u want but nothing is going to change


thats what he said the last time he text me ... or should i lose the flight and not worry about it at all...

i feel like i should but then again i dont want to be rejected wish i think i wont be when it come to that ...

i just have a gut felling that it might be ok but when i leave and come back home everything would be the same...

i need some advice on this i would be leaving if i do go on the 7th of jan.

i do feel like he wishes to see me but i think hes not reay for that shock not ure and i dont want to read in to it no more but from the tone on that text it just sounded like he dose but hes in denil for whats to happen....

should i resk it or should i not bother at all till 2days befor it comes around and see if he saids anything about it befor the day comes... and if he dont just give that up and keep going ...

or just do it and see ... thanks let me know what u think or advice me on that ...