LIMBO NO MO!

[givingitmyall]

Long day. Nothing significant happened, and maybe that's why it seemed long.

Been dealing with a lot of resentment towards W. And with her parents coming in on Wednesday, that concerns me.

I truly don't want to feel this way. But I keep struggling with the fact she simply refuses to even try to work on the M. I know this is out of my control. It just seems she has nothing to lose (neither of us do) and so much to lose by not trying. Out of my hands, but troubling.

Quite simply, I have not felt this distant from W since I met her.

[Greek]

I truly don't want to feel this way. But I keep struggling with the fact she simply refuses to even try to work on the M.

Of course you don't want to feel this way. This is but one of the consequences she has visited upon you. Unfortunately, this is not a consequence that will capture HER attention. It will be the consequences that impact HER which will make the difference if there is to be one.

Don't let her civility fool you. Almost anyone can be civil. Think of standing in line at the post office. You don't want to be in that line. You pay more taxes (you assume) than the guy in front of you. They should have at least one more clerk for customer service. Your packages are heavy. You have 9 other places to be. And yet...you are civil, make small talk, at least smile. That's what your W is doing.

No consequences...no stir.
Greek

[Deep]

Hi GIMA bro, been some time since I dropped by although I was always reading ...

Perhaps it's just that right now, your paths are indeed diverging, there's different visions, priorities, and from where you stand, her path is gonna take her further away. Same might go for her too.

And you're moving on, which is a good thing. Who knows what the future might hold eh?

A blessed Christmas and a very happy 2010 to you!

[givingitmyall]

Thanks Greek. I will handle this week with her parents coming in. Then move forward with taking apart this M

I will keep what you said in mind.

[givingitmyall]

Thanks Deep. I think she has been gone a while. Probably more I'm finally moving on than her diverging from me. Nut I get what you say.

[Butterfly1]

Of course you're going to feel resentment and a lot of other uncomfortable feelings toward W. You've been "giving it your all" and she's giving nothing. Marital vows. Children. All that stuff. It's hard to take. Be patient with YOURSELF now (not her anymore).

And this is I think where the detachment comes in as the hardest lesson of all - to close yourself off from her choices and to truly embrace only your own. If she choses to walk, then all you can do is take care of yourself, and all the feelings that will and do come up.

[givingitmyall]

Thanks Hope.

I have been following your sitch but not posting much. Hang in there, and keep those expectations in check, ok?

[givingitmyall]

Just got an email from W listing all the presents she bought for my family. She has always done this in the past. She "just wanted me to know." I responded simply with "Thanks."

I do appreciate her doing this but it was unnecessary given where we are headed.

Possibly more evidence that she does not see many things changing after we D? I don't know. Unfortunately, that is simply NOT going to be the case.

I am starting to look for houses online, as well as what it will cost me for furniture/appliances when the time comes. We will need to sell the house to free up the purchase of another one, and, like everywhere else, the real estate market is not good here.

[Thinker]

[quote=givingitmyallTechnology is a funny thing (and amazing). So many of us here helping each other - total strangers who would, but for the internet - have never crossed paths. Strange to be able to say I feel closer to many of the people here than I do to many of the "friends" I have in the "real world."[/quote]

Completely Agree.

Thanks All!

[mishka422]

FWIW - I still buy and ship presents to my former MIL, and 2 SIL's. Why? Because they are still my son's family and they had nothing to do with the D. I still love them and always will so it's my own choice to do this for them from my son and I. Yes, things will change, but you can choose how you decide to handle her family and she will choose to do what she wants for yours.

Simple? No. This is a complicated process. The key here is to do what feels right to you regarding the IL's.