work on the fb plan I provided you with, all this mention of gps info & tracking devices by your wife is her paranoia that you might have something like this in place already on her and she's trying to CHA (cover her ass). Haven't you noticed that she projects her thoughts on you about what she is actually doing but tries to turn it around as if you're the one doing it?
Turn the tables, have some fun with this. Don't discount jealousy and it's effect on a spouse, she's a cake eater right now, give her a slice of your cake but you enjoy it ;-)
My W is worried that I will find out about things she is doing that are "wrong". She gets anxiety from having to worry that I will find out. The longer we stay in this limbo the easier it is for her slip up and I find out. In my state infidelity is a crime if proven. That means it has serious consequences for her during proceedings for a D.
She always references that no one is "breaking the law" which means she is messing around just not having intercourse in the traditional sense which breaks the law.
My W many times thought I was having an PA or EA. I never did. And never would. That is just not me. But it was a tell tale sign of things to come...that 20 20 vision into the past.
Actually to answer your question. She takes my GPS and then gives it back to me with all addresses wiped out. Funny how that happens. She has a phone and I pay for it as she doesn’t have a job. The free ride is what is irritating me now. But there is nothing I can do about it and it will last 13 more years
She has a phone and I pay for it as she doesn’t have a job. The free ride is what is irritating me now.
Stop paying for her phone.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I think I am almost at that point of not really caring any more. She pulled stupid $hit last night and came home at 2:30 AM. I am sick of it and frankly it puts the family at risk as she is drinking and driving.
The oddity of all this is (looking in the rear view mirror of life) she gives me hints of what is about to happen by the actions she takes. My wife starts treating me nice. This builds for a few hours or even a whole day or more Then I get the kiss or hug good bye. The kiss or hug is more of a Judas kiss just before betrayal.
I now know that the $hit is about to hit the fan when this happens. She is going to do something stupid yet one more time. Each time she pulls this crap I get more hardened towards her.
A thought crossed my mind last night when the garage door slammed and woke me up at 2:30, of life without my W. No drama. No bull$hit. No tall stories of why she came home so late. No lies. No worries of am I ticking her off or not pleasing her. After all those thoughts a calm came over me. It felt like a big wave. It sounds stupid but it really felt good. I felt something in me that I haven’t felt in a very long time…real confidence.
I have been reading and changing so much in the last 8 months. It has made me a better person. I have made unbelievable changes if I may say so myself. I am now confident like back in the day. Actually more confident than back in the day. And in all that reading and making myself better I hit this one website that someone here recommended. What I read there set me free….Borderline personality.
It helped confirm what so many people, friends and family have told me about my W. She is having serious issues and they were worried about her. W has confirmed multiple time she has huge issues with her mom that she needed to work through with a Dr. That is the basis for this personality..mom issues. This I believe set the rest of me free.
I used to type all this detaching stuff etc but as soon as I saw my kids I would keep that hope alive that the M could come back to spare my children and me all the pain of D I think that is gone now. I saw my kids this morning and it didn’t happen.
Coach you are right and thanks. I need to stop paying for all this stuff. It is time for her to grow up and take responsibility. I am seeing a lawyer and a financial planner next week. I am going to come up with a game plan for a budget. She will need to get a job school or no school.
If the law is that strict about A's, then how is it about D a spouse who is bi-polar? Maybe she is bi-polar, but maybe she isn't. Unless she has been diagnosed you can't be sure.
She is going to dish the cr@p as long as you take it.....bi-polar or not! You would be surprised at all the ways you can toughen up. She suckered you into thinking you were playing childish games b/c the lights were out. Okay, if your child turned the lights out, then that should have said volumes to you! You need to go farther than just turning the lights out when she doesn't come home at an appropriate time. You need to lock all the doors and turn out the outside lights. If she continues to come home at 2:30 a.m., then you need to have the locks changed without notice. You may think this is going too far, but is it as bad as what she's doing? No, I don't think so.
You have to take a long, honest look at yourself and see the ways you have allowed her to disrespect you without consequences. Next....decide how you will stoop being a door mat and implement the consequesnces.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
And in all that reading and making myself better I hit this one website that someone here recommended. What I read there set me free….Borderline personality.
I truly believe that 90% of the Ms on these boards (mine included) involve narcissistic - borderline couples.
