Urgent Need Advice please!!

[Inaspin]

Hi Pit

I feel for you, my W and I are still in the same house, and I am battling to deal with the prospect, let alone the reality.

But like CTH has said, this is the current reality, and we have the power to change that.

I am trying to not get caught up in the future at the moment, I'll tell you how to do it when I get it right.

[pitinmygut]

Thanks Inaspin.

It is a tough reality to grasp and take hold of.

Last night my W told me on the phone that I will be receiving some paperwork by the end of the week! So she is moving full steam ahead with our separation.

[Forrest Gump]

"My emotions are all over the place at this moment. Like you said my fear is of the unknown."

This is normal and expected.

"She has said this morning that she is only going to MC because I want to and to respect my wishes."

On the surface.. this is a good thing.

"guess the question is, is that good enough for me?"

The question should be is it enough for you to make a change.

"On the one hand I want to go and see that maybe there is something that could happen that could help."

Hence my question on how much steamrolling you can take.

"On the other hand I feel like I am delaying the inevitable from happening."

If a WAS can "change" things.. Why can't a LBS "change" things?

"I have said to her that I only want to go to MC if she will shelve the decisions to leave until after the 12 sessions recommended by our MC and follow through on any work we are given."

You are hoping that "someone" will do the work for you. You are "attacking" this from the wrong angle.

"I want to say that I love her and will not stand in her way and that if she truly feels like she does not want to try then I will not ask her to . I WILL respect her decision as hard as that will be."

Sometimes.. the people that buck the system.. stand out.

"I personally cannot take much more of this. I know I need to move forward either way, but that fear has paralyzed me."

Just say it.. you are stuck. The choice is yours.

"fear has paralyzed me."

That is why you will fail.

"it is the fear of losing my S."

"I know I will not lose him and he will always be a part of my life, but it does shatter allot of my dreams I had."

It's a cop out. You can do "it" with or without the "wife".

"My W will want to live an hours drive from where I will have to stay. She says we will have joint custody and that she will not keep him from me, it will be very hard logistically."

People that stand out.. impress me the most. Can you stand out when things are "crushing" you?

[Inaspin]

Hi FG

Thanks for your bluntness. I have had a tough couple of days, but even though the pain is there, at least my head feels allot clearer.

You are dead right about the fact that I will fail if I allow the fear to control me. I have acknowledge it, but I will refuse to let it control me any longer.

I have been in victim mode, "I will lose my S" "I will have to move" for the first time I actually realize what I have done in my M.

I realize now how little control over my emotions I have had my whole life. I have acted to many times out of fear, anger and guilt.

All I have done over the last 6 weeks is give my W more fuel to leave me, as my actions and reactions were the same as always.

We have MC today, and while I am braising myself for a tough time, I am not scared. I can only control myself, and will give my all, what my W does with it is up to her.

I had zero chance of saving my M the way I was acting.

I have a choice about How I go forward and I am choosing to be positive, What ever happens in the M, I need to stand up and move forward.