If you and your son want traditional holidays I think you should and can do it. Why do you think it will be lonely with three of you instead of four? Perhaps as someone else suggested you can invite others over to share in your traditions. Or plan an extra activity like going to the movies (I did that with a friend's family one year in college--who knew so many people went to the movies on Christmas day?) after your usual festivities.
I hope the meeting with the lawyer went well. I'm sorry you have to go through this during the holidays.
KerryK, I heard some friends around Olympia lost power today. I remember a few big storms on Thanksgiving growing up. Once we had to drive around fallen trees blocking the road in Port Orchard only to arrive at my relatives' house to discover their power was out so no turkey for dinner. Major bummer. You'll have a great time in Vancouver, it's one of my favorite cities. Used to go a couple times a year when living in Seattle and just went for Labor Day weekend because we missed it so much.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I have been to Vancouver various times and it is an amazing city. I enjoy it a lot - especially the asian malls and restaurants out in Richmond where our hotel is. This time, I am going to see how well my son translates chinese for me.
I hope your lawyer makes you feel as comfortable as mine did. Divorce is a painful experience. But it is not as painful as the emotional betrayal you have already been through.
How is the weather up where you are? I saw the forecast of Washington getting hit by a double storm with the stronger one happening this afternoon. I sure would not mind getting some 60 mph gusts to knock the rest of the leaves out of my trees (and out of my yard).
You gotta laugh at the weather forecasts for this time of year in the northwest - mine says rain for the next 7 days!
The weather is terrible.... rainy and windy... but that's the PNW... but I have ridden out two hurricanes in FL.... so no comparison. Just gloomy.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Uhhh, mine says it's going to be 78 and sunny tomorrow.
Oh, wait! I'm not in the northwest!
Jeff,
Don't make me come down there and smack you!
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
If you and your son want traditional holidays I think you should and can do it. Why do you think it will be lonely with three of you instead of four? Perhaps as someone else suggested you can invite others over to share in your traditions. Or plan an extra activity like going to the movies (I did that with a friend's family one year in college--who knew so many people went to the movies on Christmas day?) after your usual festivities.
I hope the meeting with the lawyer went well. I'm sorry you have to go through this during the holidays.
KerryK, I heard some friends around Olympia lost power today. I remember a few big storms on Thanksgiving growing up. Once we had to drive around fallen trees blocking the road in Port Orchard only to arrive at my relatives' house to discover their power was out so no turkey for dinner. Major bummer. You'll have a great time in Vancouver, it's one of my favorite cities. Used to go a couple times a year when living in Seattle and just went for Labor Day weekend because we missed it so much.
Port Orchard... wow you have to drive right thru where I live to get there! Small World!
I know we have plenty of friends and I will make it happen for my kids... but I know it will be tough and lonely and an elephant in the room. My kids and I will be fine but I still feel guilt that he would be alone... but that's his choice I suppose and his family will villian-ize me for not inviting him over... so therefore, I think I will get myself invited over to someone elses house so I am not in the position to invite H over.... problem solved....
of coure, Kerry could just stop by and pick us up the Vancouver escape!
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Ok maybe there isn't OW.... just discovered two withdrawals at casinos in the past two weeks for substantial amounts.... DAMN
He told me once long ago, when TDY to Vegas that his friends where going gambling but he wouldn't go because he had been once in college and knew he would have an addiction problem with it so he told me to always make him steer clear of it.
I am not going to talk to him about it though so he can pull cash instead of being dumb enough to get at the Casino... duh they put the address of withdrawal online.
and to think he sat alone in a hotel room all weekend and did nothing... but he's not lying about anything.
It's really no big deal, he should be able to recreate doing what he wants ... he earns a good living ... but when you lie about it... or hide it... it's a problem.
He blatantly lied about taking money out saying "oh the checking account looks weird because I had to withdraw money from it to go TDY because I am over my cash limit on govt card and they haven't reimbursed me yet... hhmmm 600.00 is the limit and he was gone for 6 days last time and fed lunch and breakfast.... 100. per meal makes me wonder if used that money for gambling too.
ughgh
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Well, it's official.... I filed today. Mixed emotions... glad that part is over now just on to the paper work.
STBXH and I have appt with L on Mon. to go over things.... which means we have to meet this weekend to sort thru some financial stuff because the more we get settled out of her office the cheaper this will be.... that means I have to spend time with him and just hearing his voice makes me so sad... I can't imagine what this is going to do to my head on Sat or Sun....
It is so much better when I don't have to deal directly with him. Not because he is horrible but because it hurts.
The sooner we get this done the better... the L was very concerned about the gambling.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Our goal is to do a Collaborative Divorce... she represents me... he will be aware of that and he can hire his own or not... that's his choice.
She and I are on the same page as far as fair and equitable. He makes a great salary and is going to help me get on my feet and he doesn't want to change the kids life drastically.... so far it seems we can work together on most things.
Doesn't seem like there will be custody stuff. The kids are old enough that we will basically let them decide when they want to visit. His work schedule is very complex and fluid (he has no set schedule with lots of travel) traditional doesn't work for us. Plus he knows the kids rather be in our home for the most part.
There is no drama as far as that stuff goes yet. He said he knows how much it cost for us to live here and he is going to continue to pay that.... but instead he will just turn it over to me and lump sum it to me to pay for all the bills and take the responsibility.
The house is under value right now so that doens't help and may be a hindrance. He has even given permission for me to move back to FL with the kids.
Again, he has always been generous and that is where he massages the guilt and frankly we have moved around so much my career tanked in the mist of all thas ... so I am going back to school to change that...I just need his support to get thru that time.
I am very grateful that for right now he seems to financially not want to abandon us. He is being more than fair so far.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
