Should I date while I detach?

[Dia]

Gucci is right. It is YOU who has to make this decision, not us.

For me, I would make it based on my core values. Many of us here have wondered what kind of person would date while married, or what kind of person would date someone who *is* married. And some of us here have been one or the other of those people and lived to tell the tale. For many, once their spouse breaks the vow of fidelity they no longer feel compelled to hold to the vow themselves.

I guess it depends where your core values are and what YOU personally define as infidelity.

On the one hand, she stepped out first. The marriage is presently broken (or broken-ish).

On the other hand, if she really hasn't gotten physical with OM, then basically what she's done is a) date, and b) get emotionally attached. If it's wrong for her, is it right for you? And if she *has* gotten physical, if it's wrong for her, is it right for you? Would you kiss or sleep with any of these 'dates'?

I say these things with no judgment implied whatsoever, regardless of how you choose. I am merely bringing up the issues for you to look at.

Cheers,

Dia

[Fightin4mywife]

CityGirl,

Well said and thank you. I have been separated for 10 months and have not even considered dating. Lord knows I want the companionship, the affection etc. But I surely do not need the complication of another person in this situation, ESPECIALLY since I am seeking reconciliation.

If I didn't love my wife, or didn't care, of course I'd date. But I'm also concerned about the message I'd be sending my children. I personally just do not see dating as a consideration to anyone who is attempting to bust their divorce. It just seems so counter-productive.

Jim

[Steve McQueen]

Gucci used a term a while back, 'social interaction.' I think that phrase is so much more appropriate. The word 'dating' has such a negative stigma on this site. 'Interacting.'

Many people need to relearn how to interact. After ten-years plus of marriage it is easy, common, for people to take their interactions with their spouses for granted. It is this complacency, that more than likely, has caused problems in their current marriage. For now their spouses are meeting or have met new and interesting people, some that will bend over backwards to make them laugh or seduce them, or a willing to bend them over backwards in ways their spouses neglected or forgot how to do years ago. Attraction. In some cases it needs to be learned.

Can 'cheating' save your marriage? WOW. After reading this site for months now, I marvel at how many people are willing to change and work on their neglected marriages after their spouse takes up an affair. It is suprising what WORKS to save a marriage. counter-intuitive thinking.

[sandi2]

Gucci used a term a while back, 'social interaction.'

I like that term b/c "dating" means different things to people.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Social interaction even in GROUP, male-and-female, settings can have 90% of the same effect (on you AND your wife) that one-on-one "dating" would anyway.

Puppy