Thank you so much! I really need that today. I am having a rough time with H leaving--I always have, but this time is, for obvious reasons, worse. I WILL be fine and I believe in my heart and on Faith that God WILL restore my husband to me by the end of the cruise.
I am an awesome Navy wife--my mom raised me that way. I can GAL with the best of them, and it is so much easier without H being right here for some reason. This week--I have Choir Parents Meeting at the HS tonight, MC tomorrow--I called the counselor when H went to MI and asked could she see just me. I also have Ship's support group meeting tomorrow night--time to meet some other spouses from the command! Wednesday is church. The weekend will work itself out with the kids and of course Church on Sunday. Next week is D8 and D16's bdays--Monday and Tuesday, as well as sorority on Tuesday. So there it is--just one week in my crazy life!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Rob, did you ever feel like giving up? Did you feel like you were grasping at hope instead of just moving on with your life or did you just move on and say to yourself that if she decided to come back you would leave the door open?
Wondering how you kept your sanity through this rollercoaster ride.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Since you seem to think I am getting it, could you please come over and see the emails I got from my H the past couple of days? I am confused, but still strong.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Oh my, can it really be almost A YEAR since my last post to my own thread??? That's pretty amazing! Well, I guess it's time for an update then!
The biggest thing that brought me here was a recent experience in my job that I want to share. I came back from my vacation in July, and one of the things on my plate was to get my performance review from my boss. Now, I expected the usual - lots of praise for the many good things I had done, some criticism for a few problems, and a discussion about how my boss has (AGAIN) given me more work than any one person could handle, and what priorities should we juggle around this year? I should mention, my job for the past three years or so has been as the manager of a department of 20 technical staff.
WELL. Things did not go as planned, to say the least. My boss made a quick acknowledgement of the very large number of accomplishments, then honed in on three failings from the year. Two of these were legit - but no big surprise and the dirct result of the ongoing "too much to do" workload. The third (and biggest problem in his eyes) was really utter BS. Not BS enough to stand up in court - but, yes, really truly BS.
The upshot of all of this? He told me I was fired. I could stick around for three months to aid in transition to my replacement, then take severance. Or, I could "try to find another position in the company". I'll tell you, I was in complete shock.
OK, so here's where it gets interesting, sports fans. I DB'ED MY BOSS. I spent about three days reeling and wondering ""WTF?" - and then it occurred to me, I have been "bombed" a heck of a lot worse than this, and I made it through that mess, so I can do the same thing here.
It was several weeks until the word of the "reorg" broke to my staff - many of whom are among my best friends, having worked together at this company for almost 20 years. During that time, I kept a mostly-cheerful attitude, tried hard to prepare my replacement to step into my job (a nice enough guy who had nothing to do with what happened to me), and considered my options. I pretty much boggled my boss, my replacement, AND my wife - who all commented on the amazing grace and attitude that I demonstrated.
As I pondered my future, I have looked at the short term and the long term. Short term, this is a truly crappy time to be unemployed, so I found another (much smaller) spot in our company, applied for it, and got it. On my more generous days, I can even acknowledge that there are some interesting challenges and opportunites with this move. I can do this for a couple years and be pretty happy with it. I am positive that my conduct post-bomb was a huge factor in my getting thus position.
Long term, it's time for a Major Career Change. The new job gives me the time to dig in and do it right, and that is exactly what I am doing. In the end, these lemons are gonna be some mighty fine lemonade. (Hint for anyone considering a career change - I highly recommend the book "Is Your Genius At Work?").
Whew!
OK, how about some less Drama Filled news?
W and I are doing well. I confess, still not the flaming hotbed of passion that I would prefer - but I know perfectly well that I need to keep working on that, and what approach helps. We'll keep moving in the right direction.
I am continuing to GAL - still loving my pottery hobby. Friends in The Alternate Universe can check out some pictures of my masterpieces there.
D17 still struggles with school, to the extent that I am pushing the idea that she should take a "gap year" before college, to grow up a bit and become more responsible for herself. She started her senior year of HS today - should be interesting....
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Our family took a fantastic 2-week trip to the UK this summer. Long-time readers will be interested to know that I did some MAJOR planning for this - including an elaborate 20+ page itinerary! See, W, I really CAN plan stuff!
The most exciting news right now is that we have a foreign exchange student who just joined our family for the coming school year. She is a charming young woman from Russia, who is one year to the day younger than D17. I guess I will be calling her RD16!
We are really enjoying having her with us, and suddenly I am a "Sports Dad" because she is completely nuts for tennis. Fortunately, the HS does a very good job for exchange students, and she has already been welcomed with open arms onto the school's team.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
What a great story. Of course I am sorry about the job but you did everything right. We have learned so much here and how to make lemonaid out of lemons. But I have trouble remembering what I have learned - so much easier to do the self-pity route. Glad you took the high road.
Keep going. A career change is a good thing. It is growth.
That is an awesome story Rob. DB doesn't just apply to the person you married but everyone in your life. What a great example! I know you will continue to do a great job and thanks so much for sharing.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Well, I believe it's time for another update, friends.
On the old job front, things ain't great.
My former boss will hardly look me in the eye when we pass in the hall - with time, I've gotten a much better understanding why. His review was due at the same time as mine - and I know how he thinks. He wanted to be able to show he was being "proactive" and "dealing with the problem" - even if it took some creative spinning of reality to make himself look good. Solution? Throwing ol' Rob under the bus. Jerk.
Now, my personal battle is to let this go - not let it fester and spoil my PMA when I come to work. It just occurred to me on the way to work this morning - maybe I should be trying to actually FORGIVE this guy. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, right? Hmph, talk about your 'personal growth challenges' - need to ponder that one!
That wouldn't be so bad if my new boss (reports to the old boss, insert your favorite Who song here) were not also an a$$clown (thank you SD for that wonderful term!) The new boss gives almost no direction or feedback, ignores all of my suggestions and ideas, and has very few decent ideas of his own. It just becomes clearer and clearer, this is not where my future lies.
Sometimes I even get the vague feeling my new boss could walk into my office and say "You know, this isn't working out, time for you to leave." Probably the only thing preventing that is that my OLD boss managed to save some face by moving me into another spot, and cutting me loose now would just make him look bad again. On the one hand, I would be happy to be outta here - on the other hand, there are a lot of reasons that would be a Bad Thing.
Anyways, let's turn away from griping about the old job - I've already done too much of that. Positive actions, that's what it's all about! Time to talk about how I am working on getting a new, better job.
My biggest strengths are being analytical (the techie side of me) and being creative (the artistic side). I've decided that my best course forward is to take many of the skills from my old job (which was very techie but not creative) and spin them into something more exciting for the future. My goal is to become a project manager at a company in the "creative industry" (marketing, advertising, media production, etc.) I know that environment would engage both aspects of my personality and that I would really shine there.
Steps along the way:
I am taking a week-long boot camp class next week, to prepare for the Project Management Professional certification test. This will be valuable in giving me some 'street cred' that will help me get my foot in the door as I change industries.
I am starting to build a network of people in the industry. (This is definitely a field where jobs are found through contacts, not through monster dot com.)
First, I know a guy at my current employer who came from that world, who is willing to talk through strategies, introduce me to folks, etc.
Second, my W works in a large interactive ad agency in town. Now, I don't really want to work at the same place as her. I think that's putting too many eggs in one basket, in a very volatile industry. I also think it's good for our R if we have different friends, contacts, etc. that we can bring home to talk about every night. However, she does have some good contacts of people I can network with. I met one guy, in a project management position similar to what I am after, over beers last week. We really clicked and had a great time - he totally left me feeling like YES YOU CAN MAKE THIS TRANSITION AND BE A HUGE SUCCESS. Just what I needed to hear!
I'm working with a friend who is a career coach to plan transition strategies, revamp my resume, etc.
I'm also reading everything I can, in print and on the web, about the industry - so I can really talk the talk when interview time comes around.
Cross your fingers for me!
Finally, let me talk about how cool it is to have our Russian exchange student (RD16) with us.
I have been really taken by surprise how quickly W and I have bonded with her. It's really special for me in particular - while our "real" D17 is going through the normal sullen, withdrawing from mom and dad (especially dad) teenager process, RD16 still talks to me about anything and everything.
She's also just a great kid. She is self-reliant and works very hard to make life better for herself - I can spout DBer philosophy to her all day and she gets a huge amount of it. An "old soul" for sure.
We learn a lot from having her here. She comes from a home without much money or opportunity, and the contrast to us wealthy, jaded Americans is very eye-opening. Above all, the thing I want to learn and keep from her is that attitude of heart-felt gratitude for everything good that comes my way.
And of course, just about everywhere we go and everything we do is new and exciting to her. Remember my signature line about "confidence and enthusiasm"? This Russian teenager is showing me how it's done.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
