Hi, Bill. I am glad the twins are getting better and you guys are progressing and getting closer (in all senses... ).
Just wanted to add a dissenting opinion here about the king bed. It probably is a good idea for your W, but me the great snuggler hates our new big king bed: it is exhausting to spend the night 'looking' for him while asleep.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
C says to both of us to stick with the status quo for now - get used to things and enjoy it. She has me reading books that taking me more into "spiritual" topics - you know, I've always thought of myself as someone who's open to that sort of stuff - but I'd finding that I'm more of a cynic I think. I was data, evidence, some sort of CREDIBILITY when someone writes about what's in me, the natural state of the spirit of man, etc. etc. My thought is always "how do you know? What are your qualifications? etc. etc." Perhaps time for an attitude shift. Looks like this whole DBing thing might just be the start of a personal journey that may last some time. Who knows?
- Bill
I tend to do the same thing. Must be the engineer showing through - wanting to see the facts and data before arriving at a logical conclusion!
I like your progress better then mine H and I tried the tub thing...it was nice but not exactly comfortable. I think we need a bigger tub
Your W is coming around in leaps and bounds...too bad about the bathroom floor Just thinking back to a month ago to where you are today though has me in awe of the two of you Her C and the fact that you totally respect them must really be helping her with her boundary issues Can't wait to see you post !
I agree with opt on the King size bed issue. I hate them. they are not conducive to intimacy or keeping a cold body warm at night. They are great though if you want 5 dogs to sleep in bed with you
Quote: Perhaps my LL is "not leaving"
Yep... I got a heckuva belly laugh out of that one too! I think you would get a resounding "yes" chorus from the whole board if you asked if that was a common LL
Quote: I think I've discovered one of my LLs. Who would have thought that "the sound of silence" could be a LL!
-------------------- CoolHandLuke
"Sound of silence" works too CHL Sometimes it is a much needed peace and serenity that silence offers us. Now too much silence and...well you might want to get your ears checked, could be a sign you are going deaf in your old age
Keep on with all the goodness Bill! Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Man, I feel awful - head full of yuck with this cold and all... W went to bed about 7:00, she's feeling worse than I am. Why am I still up? Because I got my NEW COMPUTER today!!! P4 2.8MHz, 512M DDR2, 80G hard drive - if you could hear me now, I'd be making Tim Allan's man-grunt noise. So what do I do with all this computing power??
THat's right - I get online and post to the message board.
Optimist and Azure are going to have a field day with me now, I know it.
Thanks for all the responses y'all - David, good to see ya on the board! Can never get enough engineers (right Sage?) - you know, I went to my C session today and I started talking about the book I'd been reading, and we got into a big discussion about metaphysics, religion, energy, etc. etc. - not what I was expecting from therapy, but it's certainly interesting... my counciler is, frankly, one of the most intersting people to talk to I've ever met.
You know, about the bed and all - we have a nice 4-post queen size bed, bought it and the mattress in the year before the boys were born - still new and all... but frankly, I've felt a little cramped in it myself. Plus, it's not fun to have this feeling like I've got to be propped up on my side all the time to avoid snoring... W is always sure to roll me over. I tend to be more of a cuddler that her I guess - she feels a bit crowded if I do too much. So - getting the king bed, maybe not a bad idea. Plus, W is always interested in those commercials about the mattresses with adjustable firmness. Man, suddenly it seems like we're talking about replacing EVERYTHING in the house - after the move and all, I guess that's what happens.
Well, I've got to go to the doctor soon to check up on the ADs - kind of want to get off them at this point, but I'm getting advice to stay on them through the holidays. Anyway, I'll ask him then about the snoring thing. I had a friend that went through a sleep study for snoring, now he sleeps with a special mask that feeds a stream of air to somehow keep the passages open.
Just what I want to do: put on some Darth Vader get-up for bed. My W has a mouth-guard she wears at night because she tends to grind her teeth. I can see our bedtime scene now, like some budget sci-fi movie. Especially with us trying to reignite our intimacy.
Well Totite, you had to ask, so I'll spill - yeah I went to the spa day. My W arranged a massage, facial, and haircut. I'll admit it here, but not to anyone I know in the flesh. It was all pretty good, I felt great when I left. Good stuff.
I bought a travel book on Tahiti the other day. Thinking about planning a trip for our 5-year anniversery next June. You know, get a grass shack on the beach kind of a thing.
Oh, and here's something else - W volunteered that we should plan to go to GA for Christmas this year - this is HUGE. W had typically hated traveling there - those of you that have been following my thread for awile may recall that this figured into some of our conflict over the past year. I was blown away - she's really trying.
She said tonight that she's afraid that she's not doing enough, that I'm going to resent her or something (she went to bed early, being sick). She feels so vunerable with me AND the boys, feeling so much, makes her feel exposed - "out of control" is how she put it. I told her my love for her just is - it's not dependent on what she does or anything else. She says she's never had unconditional love in her life before.
Well, I should get to bed and get my rest. Later y'all -
Ah geez, another linear thinker, LOL. I have plenty of analytical skills, but there's nothing wrong with tempering that with emotional intelligence and even some intuition, no?
The Sound of Silence? I totally understand. It does seem ironic, though, that the more one person in a partnership goes to an extreme, the more the other partner overcompensates.
I guess what I'm trying to say is more communication by the quiet partner can lead to less need for more communication on the...um, less quiet partner's part.
Looks like we crossed posts - yeah, thinking over the last month sends my head spinning. I told C today that the last three months are starting to seem like a dream, but I feel like I want to hold on to it so I don't forget what I've learned. She assured me that I won't.
Yeah, sometimes it seems like they could design those bathtubs better. We're talking about getting a hot tub one day - W made the comment the other day that we should put it in a gazebo so we could have some privacy for sex - Kind of nice to hear her make those kind of comments.
We're both kind of reserved people, really... except with each other - and, you know, when I post my life on the internet...
I'm really happy. Looking forward to the day when we're totally out of the tunnel, in the same bed, totally rebuilt relationship... but yeah, I'm happy.
C is trying to teach me to turn off my analytical side - quiet my thoughts, focus on the moment, be aware of thoughts, feelings, physcial reactions, etc. I've got to admit, putting this into practice it really does help to dispell anxiety.
I'm learning. And I'm willing to learn! It's actually cool to learn new fascets of one's self.
Quote: Thanks for all the responses y'all - David, good to see ya on the board! Can never get enough engineers (right Sage?) - you know, I went to my C session today and I started talking about the book I'd been reading, and we got into a big discussion about metaphysics, religion, energy, etc. etc. - not what I was expecting from therapy, but it's certainly interesting... my counciler is, frankly, one of the most intersting people to talk to I've ever met. - Bill
Pam and I went to the couselor once. She was trying to explain a communication exercise that she wanted us to practice. After about 5 minutes, it suddently dawned on me that what she was describing was 1/2 duplex serial communication, with software flow control.
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Her C and the fact that you totally respect them must really be helping her with her boundary issues 