I didn't ask you to defend your motives. I asked if telling him his marriage can be saved was helping him or harming him? His words to me were "It got my head spinning". For someone who intends to 'help', your comments about saving his marriage aren't working.
I only asked you one thing. Do you understand that these comments are hurtful given the state of his marriage, and if so do you take responsibility and apologize to FIB?
You call it mudslinging in order to avoid the question and the responsibility for the hurt your words cause.
I just got off the phone with FIB and he will post tomorrow.
Notice...there was NO comment about her withholding them from an important holiday celebration tonite. Nor, does he know that EVERY FIRST NITE SHOWING of a hot new cartoon or movie on a Friday, the kids are rushed to and frequently, the movies I'd like to take them to are seen already. Trust me..it is NOT coincidence or paranoia on my part. I accept it as her insecurity with my love for my kids and their love for me.
I do not understand why you are being so damned spiteful.
FIB can handle his own battles, he is a big boy.
He posted the email, and I understand that he wanted some feedback but you totally crossed a line.
YES I too am one of those awful and terrible Pollyana hopelessly romantic standers.
Sorry if that offends you too.
I too believe that if FIB's wife were to get some much needed help then their marriage could perhaps even saved.
This is a place where we all come for support, not to bash one another for having a different opinion. Not everyone here will have the same ideals or values as you, but they are still hurting and are still trying to cope with the hand they have been dealt.
Frank, I am just so dissapointed in your reaction to FH. You of all people chose to stand for your Marriage for a long time. Do you regret that now?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
This is a place where we all come for support, not to bash one another for having a different opinion. Not everyone here will have the same ideals or values as you, but they are still hurting and are still trying to cope with the hand they have been dealt.
You're right, so where is the compassion for FIB that would prevent someone from saying that if he can get past his 'anger' his marriage might be saved'? He's not angry, he's HURT. Having a different opinion is not the issue. It's voicing it to a man who is hurting, causing him to second guess himself.
I'll ask again. Given the situation of pure hell FIB is living in and his constant second guessing himself, do you believe that telling him that his marriage could be saved if he could get past HIS anger was an appropriate thing to say?
Do you?
This is about using your words appropriately and taking responsibility if they hurt someone.
The only one having major anger issues right now is you.
I think you have totally crossed the line with this one.
I can tell you that FH is not out to hurt anyone, I know his character. I also know that FIB posted his email to get an opinion, NOT to get anyone's bowels in an uproar.
And I highly doubt that FIB has hired you to be his mouthpiece.
And in answer to your question, YES I do think it is appropriate. It is his opinion. He wasn't out to hurt FIB, and he sent a private email, and didn't post his opinion on the DB board.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
And in answer to your question, YES I do think it is appropriate. It is his opinion. He wasn't out to hurt FIB, and he sent a private email, and didn't post his opinion on the DB board.
How does not posting his opinion on the DB board matter? He sent it directly to FIB, sending him into a tailspin.
Does anyone read FIB's posts???? FIB asked him for help regarding his STBX's anger. He addressed NONE of the issues instead choosing to say that he thought the marriage could be saved if FIB would lose his anger. FIB went into a tailspin and posted the mail anonymously asking for an opinion about the comment - second guessing himself and HURTING.
FaithfulH outed himself and knows now that he hurt FIB but takes no responsibility for it. And is flippant about it.
Do you think that's ok?
And again, I am not angry. I'm amazed at the lack of responsibility towards someone who is hurting.
OMG Frank listen to yourself...... This is totally ridiculous. This is between FIB and FH...NOT YOU! It is nice that you are trying to stand up for FIB but you keep missing the big picture. Nobody was out to hurt FIB. I am however saddened that FIB chose to share something so private with someone who obviously couldn't handle it.
I think you are being overly dramatic with this.
And this is not how a warrior would handle this situation.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
FrankD, I'm amazed that you don't see what you are doing. You have done it before elsewhere and regretted it. Stop it. You are creating tension and anger here. We all know FIB and we all know FaithfulH....we all do.
FaithfulH sent a private email to FIB, who chose to ask us for feedback on the anger issue of his and his w, which we gave. FIB did NOT, as you state, ask us to discuss FaithfulH's "motives". Who are we to do that?
And yes, I thought faithfulH had a point but I think also, that in FIB's sitch, as I've made clear, it's now too late. And yes, I do think FIB's mind reading is unhelpful to his sitch but is not causative. So what?
As you posted to someone else, like k4 (?), work on your own issues before you take on someone else's.
While I think that's BND's point as well, I'm not speaking for her. And please let FIB talk for himself. He's really quite articulate. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
This is a place where we all come for support, not to bash one another for having a different opinion. Not everyone here will have the same ideals or values as you, but they are still hurting and are still trying to cope with the hand they have been dealt.
You're right, so where is the compassion for FIB that would prevent someone from saying that if he can get past his 'anger' his marriage might be saved'? He's not angry, he's HURT. Having a different opinion is not the issue. It's voicing it to a man who is hurting, causing him to second guess himself.
I'll ask again. Given the situation of pure hell FIB is living in and his constant second guessing himself, do you believe that telling him that his marriage could be saved if he could get past HIS anger was an appropriate thing to say?
Do you?
This is about using your words appropriately and taking responsibility if they hurt someone.
Yes it is FrankD. So do it. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Whether or not harm to FIB was intentional, harm was done. Someone with integrity would take responsibility for that harm. All I have seen is avoidance and attacks against me.
