Bugs Bunny:"GET ME OUTTA HERE"

[Bworl]

FIB,

I tend to agree with your cousin.

Couldn't possibly express to you how much I hate what you are having to swallow during this end time. If you truly believe that one reaps what they sow, your STBX has much unhappiness in front of her while you will, as BM said, have much peace.

There is no sense in escalating the drama that she perpetuates. You've learned a valuable lesson regarding handling the demise of a marriage. Hopefully the only use you will ever be able to make of this knowledge is to help others in a similar situation.

There are times when being the better person bites the big one. I can think of no one on this board who must know that more than you.

I'm not wallowing with you, just stating the obvious. How disappointing that each of us had to come to this kind of revelation about the person that we once thought we would be with forever. Just goes to show that you never know.

I'm sure it goes without saying, but I hope that part of your settlement process includes very specific and well defined language regarding custody and visitation. At least then you have recourse when she behaves poorly regarding your time with the kids.

Many blessings to you and your children.


Bill

[faithisbelieving]

Thanks Bill...perhaps you, and others, can help me with an email I recently received.

I post this anonymously, to show how confusing this path can be. After my post above, I received the following email from an old friend of mine, a 'stander', who was fortunate enough to have his wife come back to him after about a 6 month 'MLC'. He usually emails me singularly every 2-3 months and, I believe, without following the entire thread:

Frank,

I hope you are well!

I have to point out that you have to detach at some point. I also wish you didn't ascribe every action by your wife as having something to do with you. How could you know that she "usually runs the kids to the movies on opening nites so that SHE gets them there before me"? What if she just wants to spend time with the kids because she loves them?

Frank, your anger and pain is still SO apparent. I believe your marriage STILL could be restored if you could move beyond it and thought better of her.

I'm still praying from the sidelines!

Notice...there was NO comment about her withholding them from an important holiday celebration tonite. Nor, does he know that EVERY FIRST NITE SHOWING of a hot new cartoon or movie on a Friday, the kids are rushed to and frequently, the movies I'd like to take them to are seen already. Trust me..it is NOT coincidence or paranoia on my part. I accept it as her insecurity with my love for my kids and their love for me.

PS...nothing happened with the attys tonite. I am losing my kids for the holiday and there is nothing I can do to celebrate with them...the equivalent of me keeping them from Easter with her.

FIB

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Perhaps this stander is on this board still?

Regardless, I will say this about those of us who post here once things become clear and finalized. There are usually two camps.

The 'pollyanannas' who spouse came back and have pierced who believe that any marriage can be saved if you just give it enough time just like they feel they did.

And the...I never came up with a name...maybe the 'coffee beans'? Regardless...the ones who say move on don't waste time like they feel they did.

One noticable exception in my mind, Snodderly. She is her own group of sage advice.

To those in Limbo...you guys are Nomads and will eventually fall into one camp or the other.

As for your friend. He/she pollyanna. Could your wife come out of this? ...yes...if she was struck with amnesia and you got to rebuild her mentally.

I do agree that you wear your pain on your sleeve...and who wouldn't...but that will end.

There will be other holidays FIB. And when the paperwork is final, I'm pretty sure she will not be able to take them to the movies on the nights that the court has ordered you have them.

Outlast the b itch until then. Does she do it on purpose? More than likely, I'd bet on it...but I wouldn't bet the farm on it.
You can never truely know why a person does what they do...even the ones who talk to you, but especially the ones who do not.

[frank_D]

As for your friend. He/she pollyanna. Could your wife come out of this? ...yes...if she was struck with amnesia and you got to rebuild her mentally.

I think 'pollyanna' is too nice. These people are unintentionally destructive because they cannot face the fact that there are others in this world who are mentally Ill. Period.

I wish these 'standers' would stop saying things like this to Frank because they are making him DOUBT his own reality. If THEY had any consideration they would shut up and listen.

Here's some news from where I live. Hey 'pollyanna', do you think THIS MARRIAGE could have been saved? According to the article they tried to. But don't ya think that the husband MIGHT have been F'cked up for REAL?

[smith18]

I guess that I am a light roast "coffee bean" in Franks case.

I believe your marriage STILL could be restored if you could move beyond it and thought better of her.

I almost feel off my chair when I read this.

If my wife had done the things that Frank's wife had done, I would have to see glowing angel wings grow out of her back before even considering taking her back.

Try to avoid this type of think'n...

There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.

What do you mean by "nothing happened with the attorney's"?

This is ridiculous. I saw continual movement between my L and X's L to reach a settlement. I really wonder if you or your W have picked experienced attorneys that know how to expedite the negotiations.

[smith18]

Here's some news from where I live. Hey 'pollyanna', do you think THIS MARRIAGE could have been saved? According to the article they tried to. But don't ya think that the husband MIGHT have been F'cked up for REAL?

Oh my GOD! It is hard to express what one feels upon reading terrible news like that.

[FaithfulH]

Well, I will confess to being the "pollyanna" although I didn't intend for my private comments to be publicized here. I also won't defend my actions in trying to help FIB move beyond the pain. Perhaps I AM too optimistic...too hopeful...polyannish. Label me GUILTY as charged! I also know after 2 years of reconciliation that there were lots of things I didn't see clearly when I was in the midst of my own darkness. I also do believe that sometimes we do more harm by the "your great/your spouse sucks" rhetoric. I was simply trying to give FIB my alternate viewpoint.

Just one Pollyanna's thoughts....

BTW, my comments didn't come after reading a couple of recent posts. FIB's sitch is one of the few I still take time to follow closely.

Best wishes to all my old friends here...and those newcomers who are in the midst of their own trials.

[frank_D]

So FaithfulH, do you see the psychic harm you do when you say these kinds of things to people who are in the midst of these awful trials?

I believe your marriage STILL could be restored if you could move beyond it and thought better of her.

Do you actually SEE how statements like this are harmful? Will you take responsibility for the harm you do by these kinds of comments?

I'm not saying that you need to bad mouth FIB's STBX. But for crying out loud, how do you think this kind of statement helps?

[FaithfulH]

Sorry, Frank...since I don't know what "psychic harm" means...I can't confess to causing it.

[frank_D]

Sorry, Frank...since I don't know what "psychic harm" means...I can't confess to causing it.

How about 'emotional harm'.