Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
When you say that FIB has anger issues, where do you draw that conclusion?
From what I read, Frank posts about the anger his wife does as more of a chronicle in the study of what anger can lead to. As for himself, he is a shining example of taking the high road.
I think that your type of advice to him now only causes for him to have some uncertainty and doubts in his path he has chosen to follow.
It is great that your marriage has been reconciled, but surely you must realize that not every marriage should be reconciled.
I disagree however that FIB's wife in her current state is capable of coming back to FIB in any good relationship with him.
FrankD, that was an extreme example, a tragic one, we all could use extreme examples to bolster our positions. To liken FH as giving advice that could be linked to that scumbag however, was that your intention?
Perhaps private emails should remian as such? Avoid a sense of betrayal.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
FrankD, that was an extreme example, a tragic one, we all could use extreme examples to bolster our positions. To liken FH as giving advice that could be linked to that scumbag however, was that your intention?
Yes, it was an extreme example. Our community is reeling from this event. However, it is certainly a real example.
No,I did not intend to liken FH giving advice linked to the scumbag. Only to point out that there ARE mentally Ill people in the world and to not recognize the pure wickedness of FIB's STBX's behaviors is naive. Saying 'I believe this can be saved' is hurtful.
FrankD, that was an extreme example, a tragic one, we all could use extreme examples to bolster our positions. To liken FH as giving advice that could be linked to that scumbag however, was that your intention?
Yes, it was an extreme example. Our community is reeling from this event. However, it is certainly a real example.
No,I did not intend to liken FH giving advice linked to the scumbag. Only to point out that there ARE mentally Ill people in the world and to not recognize the pure wickedness of FIB's STBX's behaviors is naive. Saying 'I believe this can be saved' is hurtful.
FrankD, I disagree. I think you are doing that thing you do, again. You mention it yourself on your thread and you should note it's now here in black and white.
What am I talking about? Your anger. Here you are, on another person's thread and you are over reacting big time to something that isn't yours. FaithfulH has about as little ego as anyone I know. Sure, he's an optimist. Thank God we have some around here. This is a cynical world that does not support marriage in general. When I tell people how long I've been M or that we reconciled, a lot of folks don't know how to be happy for me. It's like I let THEM down...or ruined their image of "moving on/punishing, etc".
But FIB's a big boy. He can handle himself just fine. I think FIB was asking us for our take on his anger, not on FaithfulH's motive. Nor do I see harm in what faithfulH said but if you misinterpret it, address that without attacking.
Please don't extremize faithfulH with an example that has nothing to do with what he was trying to say. I found that to be incendiary. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
We all want what is best for FIB. We all think we know what that is.
Perhaps, instead, we should be asking FIB what he wants?
So what is it FIB? How do we help you?
Yes Frank, how can we help you? And Jack's right. There will be other holidays and once things are in writing, you will have enforcement powers. For the life of me, I don't know why they are not in some written form yet, if only informally.
And by the way, in YOUR wife's case, I would follow the letter of the documents you eventually sign as best you can. No variations, no "give and take" at firstuntil you feel empowered enough to do so. I don't know if I'm being clear but does this make sense to you? I mean to suggest that with her, clarity and boundary setting and enforcement are so important. I think it'll help the r you have with her as well. And you get to blame the L's all you want/can. YOU SHOULD blame us! Seriously, that's what we get paid (and sometimes stabbed) for...just saying, get it done in writing for everyone's sake. And who cares why she takes the kids to the movies? Maybe she's evil or maybe it's an easy evening on her b/c there's little to no interaction between parent and child at a film, imo.
You do have rights but until something is decided, it's difficult for you to enforce them. And Bworl is right about the school thing FOR NOW....for now. Soon though, things will be different. This is NOT forever.
Just so I know, are you still okay with your L? Seems as if this case is like the Anna Nicole Smith case, only there -at least we have a $billion to fight about...what on God's earth is taking so long? (Did you hide the castle and that $8million cash, or what??)
FIB, I think we ALL want to know when to pop the bubbly for you. So, do we have a countdown yet? A goal date? Can we say 60 days? 90?
Please Dear God, let there be peace. J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
But FIB's a big boy. He can handle himself just fine. I think FIB was asking us for our take on his anger, not on FaithfulH's motive. Nor do I see harm in what faithfulH said but if you misinterpret it, address that without attacking.
Please don't extremize faithfulH with an example that has nothing to do with what he was trying to say. I found that to be incendiary. j-
Yes he is. And I admitted that my example was extreme. And I'm not angry.
Luckily I have the benefit of talking to FIB on the phone because he called me to ask about this E-mail he received. He told me that he felt like he was being judged by FaithfulH and he felt badly. LIke he was a failure.
His post was asking for our take on FaitfulH's motive for telling him 'I believe your marriage STILL could be restored if you could move beyond it and thought better of her', in spite of the pure wickedness that she does to him. FIB is not angry at his STBX, he's HURT.
Someone who is truly 'supportive' doesn't say 'I believe your marriage STILL could be restored if you could move beyond it and thought better of her' to him. Given the emotions FIB is going through, saying things like that to him is just plain hurtful. And to flippantly state that they take no responsibility for the hurt their words caused is BS.
I stand by my comments. It's one thing to be 'pollyanna-ish' It's another to be arrogant about it.
And no, I'm not angry. I am posting very calmly and calling BS when I see it.
FIB and I have been friends for years - since the beginning of his DB'ing. We talk all the time. I have NEVER had a phone conversation where he is angry. Never. FaithfulH's message to him hurt him a lot, he felt like he was a failure and if only he changed, why his marriage would be restored.
Sorry....you'll have to find somebody else to join in your mudslinging. This flippant, arrogant, pollyanna chooses not to participate. I am not taking the bait....nor will I defend my motives with you. I understand you intend to help FIB (as do I)...I don't believe this does. I believe FIB knows where I'm coming from (whether or not he agrees with my conclusions and advice)....and regarding his sitch, that's all that matters to me.
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
