There is no talking to her. The following verbs and adjectives apply to me:
loathing
pathetic
disgust
liar
vile
If my STBXW ran over me, she would put the car in reverse and make sure she didn't miss (and to get the pieces off the wheels). FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Frank is Trustworthy. Frank tells the truth. He is honest, and he keeps his promises. People can depend on him.
Frank is Loyal. Frank is true to his family, friends, leaders, co-workers, and nation.
Frank is Helpful. Frank cares about other people. He willingly volunteers to help others without expecting payment or reward.
Frank is Friendly. Frank is a friend to all. He is a brother to other men. He offers his friendship to people of all races and nations, and respects them even if their beliefs and customs are different from his own.
Frank is Courteous. Frank is polite to everyone regardless of age or position. He knows that using good manners makes it easier for people to get along.
Frank is Kind. Frank knows there is strength in being gentle. He treats others as he wants to be treated. Without good reason, he does not harm or kill any living thing.
Frank is Obedient. Frank follows the rules of his family and work place. He obeys the laws of his community and country. If he thinks these rules and laws are unfair, he tries to have them changed in an orderly manner rather than disobeying them.
Frank is Cheerful. Frank looks for the bright side of life. He cheerfully does tasks that come his way. He tries to make others happy.
Frank is Thrifty. Frank works to pay his own way and to help others. He saves for the future. He protects and conserves natural resources. He carefully uses time and property.
Frank is Brave. Frank can face danger although he is afraid. He has the courage to stand for what he thinks is right even if others laugh at him or threaten him.
Frank is Clean. Frank keeps his body and mind fit and clean. He chooses the company of those who live by high standards. He helps keep his home and community clean.
Frank is Reverent. Frank is reverent toward God. He is faithful in his religious duties. He respects the beliefs of others.
Frank, why are you continuing to let her words eat at you? At this point, who the hell cares what the hell she thinks about you? She is clueless, lost and sick.
What kerry said...seriously, you are mind reading but I'd shut that down and not open it again. Do NOT ask her why anything. The MC told us, as did the DB coach to me, that asking "Why?" questions are designed to put the other person on the defensive as they'll have to explain something. Don't do it. Who the hell cares anyhow?
(And Kerry, I do hear you about k4 but he's either the single most stubborn man I have ever "met", or he's really disturbed and needs serious help. So I'm kind of a my wit's end, although we connected privately early on so I held out hope. I won't though. )
FIB why do you say Orich is one of the 5% with Retrovaille? I dont' mean to parse words about it with your sitch but we found most of the couples who went, really got a lot out of it. Guess I'll slide over to his thread if I can find it to see what you mean. I wish we had gone a long time ago. But then, don't we all wish we coulda/shoulda/woulda done something else long ago...
FIB, we know you did your best. Do you believe that? Is there something you regret about all this that you wish YOU had done differently? Sure, if you had known THEN what you know now, but that's not reality. Based on what you knew THEN, how could you have done better?
I don't see it. I think we're saying "hats off to you, you fought a good fight. Sorry it didn't end the way you first wished; but you will prevail in life", with your own happiness. Doesn't matter whether she suffers or thinks she is happier; all I care about is how FIB finds his way in life...
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I appreciate all your posts. Those adjectives are HERS. Not mine. I ofttimes still get the 'why not talk to her'...'why not ask her to..?.
Honestly, I've tried this over and over. You CANNOT TALK TO THIS WOMAN...AT ALL. Any conversation is redirected, or, should I say misdirected, in a negative way or into a full frontal attack against me.
Seriously. I have had many convo's about trying to coparent..to drop the anger...to try and work with each other...to no avail.
To 25...the 5% is directed at DB'ers, not Retrouvailler's. IMO, if you can get a spouse to go to Retrouvaille, it is one of the singular most promising things you can do to save your marriage. If you fail at Retrouvaille, it's probably 'game over'.
Finally, in further emphasis. Today should be my Friday with the kids PLUS it is a holiday that she doesn't celebrate with them. She is withholding them stating she made plans with them.
Between you all and me, honestly, I believe and, hold onto your hats, it is because tonite is the opening night of the new kids movie, "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs". STBXW usually runs the kids to the movies on opening nites so that SHE gets them there before me. YES....
The kids should be with their family for the holiday. For the first time in awhile, I called my atty and the LG. Sadly, without anything in writing, there is very little I can do and I feel castrated. There is supposedly going to be a 3 way call between atty's today. I faxed her texts to my atty in which she calls me a bully, divisive...even tho' she's thrown off the religion, had them last Friday and, oh....forget it. Trust me, the texts leading up to this were calm requests that kids be home early to go for holiday dinner.
My sister and my buddy 'Anthony' told me to go to the school and take them out of class...again. I can't do it. It makes me the bad guy. My cousin, another D atty, told me that only makes it spill over into the school system. I agree with what she said in that this is another lesson...that I should have early on had a parenting schedule typed up and signed.
I feel powerless. This sucks.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
FIB, I dont even know what to say anymore about your wife. I mean, believe me, I have some words I could use. But, it would do no good.
I just wish for you to have peace, my friend. I wish that this could be done and you could start your new life. I wish that a light would go on in her head that would make her realize the damage she is causing your children. I wish that you would realize, really and truly, what an amazing man you are.
FIB, one day, you will have a wonderful life with someone who appreciates the person you are, who respects you and cares about you. I just know it.
