I was mood tracking earlier this year but I fell out of it this summer probably because I felt I didn't need it. Need to get back on it.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Those who know something about bipolar please kick in.
O'dog has been concerned lately that his Black Dog might be BPII or Cyclothymia because it comes back so often and has been around for so long (first episode age 15). It's something I've discussed with p-doc.
It would be natural right now to be suffering situational depression and I'll give myself that. And I fully agree with my Dysthymia dx. However for the last 5 to 10 years it seems I've been battling depression that comes and goes mostly without reason. Since age 30 I've been I've had times of just gut-churning anxiety (although less of that since spring). But then I get over it, feel good, wonder why I even thought I had a problem, then months or weeks later it comes back.
There are a few bulletproof BP dx signs I don't have. I can't point to any time in my life and say I was manic or hypomanic; feeling on top of the world, spending money, and doing things impulsively. My moods seem to range from slightly above baseline to moderately depressed. Nor do I know of family members dx'd with bipolar although now I recognize a long history of depression down one side of the family.
However recurrent depression is on the bipolar spectrum. Indeed it's right in the title of the grandaddy book on the subject; "Manic Depressive Illness: Bipolar Disorder and Recurrent Depression" Goodwin/Jameson. I just don't know where the lines are.
Anyone have a similar sitch? Recurrent depression? BPII? Cyclothymia? What can you tell me?
Could it also be?
- Cognition: O'dog just has bad management of his upstairs utilities and allows thoughts and emotions to get the best of him. More cognitive behavior therapy, mindfulness, and Zen would address this.
- Existential: O'dog is too concerned about what he's doing in his life and how he's measured up. Never feels good enough. Needs to get over it.
- Seasonal: O'dog is sensitive to seasonal changes in light/temps. And he's living in absolutely the worst place for it; far north latitude.
- Hypochondria
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
O'dog found this old link yesterday to Gottman Institute: Marital researchers now can predict not only which couples will divorce but when they will split 9/11/2000
"Researchers studying the state of American marriages now can predict not only which couples will divorce but also when they will divorce..."
"...A typical midlife divorcing couple was portrayed by Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening in this year's Academy Award-winning film "American Beauty."
"These couples are alienated and avoidant. They are the people you see in a restaurant who are not talking to each other," he said. "They raise kids together, but there is not much going on with each other and they realize their marriage is empty. These couples stifle things and do not raise issues with their partner. Their marriages are a suppression of negative emotions and a lack of positive emotions. It is a very passive and distant relationship with no laughing, love or interest in each other. This style of suppression can cause intense loneliness that's almost like dying."
The end of this type of marriage often coincides with a midlife crisis when one partner realizes his or her marriage, life and/or job are empty and begins looking for something better..."
Last edited by orangedog; 09/10/0907:20 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Yes. Tested very low last year. Been taking 8000iu D3 per day Carlson D Drops.
Yes. Exercise helps. But if I overdo it, I'll feel worse the next day or two.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Brief convo w xW about kid details ended, "...oh, and when you get a chance tonihjt I would like to talk about that money stuff I emailed about."
Thinking to myself, 'I'm not excited about getting dragged into your probs.'
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
This thing has turned into quite the fireworks show. xW called me yesterday and was furious over an email she got from bff asking for her money now. She had quite choice words for what bff could do with her request delivered with all the energy and enthusiasm of Dr. Rick Marshall telling Matt Lauer what he could do...(1:24)
"... i know its a lot of cash (number) but at this point i have to have the money back now. i don't know if you can ask your parents for a loan and have (O'dog) pay some of it or pull it out of your retirement or his. ... i'm losing sleep worrying about my money situation and my parents are adamant they get paid back and (BFF's xH) wants the rest of the money to go to the irs now. my blood pressure is through the roof and this is making me an emotional wreck. and honestly, until i get my money back i'm going to resent every single penny of discretionary income you spend (like going to (city) or buying (daughter) clothes) when i'm living by the skin of my teeth right now and borrowing from my parents. I'm not going to be able to move past all of this if i feel like that all the time and have my parents and (BFF's xH) hassling me every day about paying them back and getting the money from you. i'm sorry but that is the truth..."
O'dog pull $ out of his retirement?!? Why don't you...
"i'm going to resent every single penny of discretionary income you spend (like going to (city) or buying (daughter) clothes)." Or spending money on food and water.
Seriously, BFF went too far with this incoherent babble. xW admitted she got herself into this. She's not sure yet what she's going to do (evict; have friends come over and move her stuff out while bff is gone for the weekend; or nothing). She didn't seem to be looking for a rescue and I offered nothing more than a listening ear. I'm just glad I'm not in the middle of it. I've got my house, car, dog, mc, and I'll just keep puttin' along. As Dorie says, "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."
Last edited by orangedog; 09/11/0906:09 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Just wanted you to know I am starting from the beginning so I will get back to the question you posted to me as soon as I can get a grasp on your sitch
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
