M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
Of course, shortly thereafter W advised that she wasn't counting on OM being around forever AND she is not interested in rekindling anything with me. So go figure.
Well, I don't think any WAS is going to openly announce to the LBS that they are thinking about reconciliation unless they are 1000% sure that they want you back. Announcing that would put them in a vulnerable spot and they give control back to the LBS. I am wondering if I'm in that situation now. Maybe you are too.
Of course, shortly thereafter W advised that she wasn't counting on OM being around forever AND she is not interested in rekindling anything with me. So go figure.
Well, I don't think any WAS is going to openly announce to the LBS that they are thinking about reconciliation unless they are 1000% sure that they want you back. Announcing that would put them in a vulnerable spot and they give control back to the LBS. I am wondering if I'm in that situation now. Maybe you are too.
Makes sense. Might very be in that situation with my W, I just need to spend more time detaching rather than trying to decipher all the crazy thinking.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
Highly recommend detaching. It's the hardest thing for me to do but it is the best task. It means we'll be ok no matter what they do or say. And from what I gather the WAS will do and say a lot of things they wouldn't normally do because they feel they are in a powerful position. I always remember "Ignore 100% what they say and 50% what they do.
and OP's are usually just distractions. They can't measure up to the person the spouse was/is married to. They only seem to by comparison. If we are giving the message that hey, we are potentially out of here, suddenly the OP is not compared to us and may not look so great. When it's not getting a reaction, it's way more useless.
And OP's can indeed be reduced to distractions in the final analysis. But sometimes, Ms don't survive to that stage. In the throes of passion, romance, and delusion, OPs can be far more than that.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
...and OP's are usually just distractions. They can't measure up to the person the spouse was/is married to. They only seem to by comparison. If we are giving the message that hey, we are potentially out of here, suddenly the OP is not compared to us and may not look so great. When it's not getting a reaction, it's way more useless.
Excellent point Hope. And I hope you remember that the next time you are tempted to worry about whether you measure up to your H's OW or not because we know she doesn't measure up to you!
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
Yeah, I talk a good talk to you guys because I'm trying to convince myself. Thank you.
I know my faults. They are big. I know I'm not the most together person out there. I come from a way more f***ed up family than most. I have a lot of baggage. I have a hard time remembering my value. And that is what we are working on, right? Feeling our inner value.
My H says he still loves me and 95% is great. He says it's the 5% that is so bad it's become unbearable and he "won't stand for it anymore". So I'm trying to look at the 5%. I'm trying to show him change in those areas.
so today I'm trying to remember that he loves me and thinks 95% is great! Those are good odds! You need to remember your value too. Make a list. EB is a valuable H because....and list them. don't focus on OP. You are the best because...your value is...the things your W loves about you are...and be those things. Feel them. They are already inside you.
Yeah, I talk a good talk to you guys because I'm trying to convince myself. Thank you.
I know my faults. They are big. I know I'm not the most together person out there. I come from a way more f***ed up family than most. I have a lot of baggage. I have a hard time remembering my value. And that is what we are working on, right? Feeling our inner value.
My H says he still loves me and 95% is great. He says it's the 5% that is so bad it's become unbearable and he "won't stand for it anymore". So I'm trying to look at the 5%. I'm trying to show him change in those areas.
so today I'm trying to remember that he loves me and thinks 95% is great! Those are good odds! You need to remember your value too. Make a list. EB is a valuable H because....and list them. don't focus on OP. You are the best because...your value is...the things your W loves about you are...and be those things. Feel them. They are already inside you.
Hope,
Thank you for the kind words. Hey 95% is pretty doggone good! Maybe your H needs to listen to himself more closely when he makes these kinds of comments to you because it sure sounds like a heckuva acknowledgment coming from him that he has a pretty awesome W!
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
