I'm the lone female who lurks here, but I gotta say my H is also trying to get me angry so I will do the dirty work of presenting D papers too. I think that's part of his nastiness.
Frankly, since he's moved out we're living off savings to pay for two places to live, two sets of bills, two C's, etc. It makes me so mad. We haven't had a vacation in two years - but he is just find paying for himself to have his apartment indefinitely.
So there's women in similar sitch's too. It's not totally the same, but I guess the LBS syndrome has it's similarities.
I'm the lone female who lurks here, but I gotta say my H is also trying to get me to hate hime so I will do the dirty work of presenting D papers too. I think that's part of his nastiness.
Frankly, since he's moved out we're living off savings to pay for two places to live, two sets of bills, two C's, etc. It makes me so mad. We haven't had a vacation in two years - but he is just find paying for himself to have his apartment indefinitely.
So there's women in similar sitch's too. It's not totally the same, but I guess the LBS syndrome has it's similarities.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
my W has commented that "it will be good after we D because then we can become good friends again".
I'd say, "I don't think that will work. I don't think any new women I start dating will like that."
If she keeps bringing up, "confirms that we should get D", I'd suggest taking the wind out of her sails by saying, "I see where you are coming from. Perhaps you're right."
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
My wife also said what good friends we will be after the D, I told her that she was mistaken, I could never be friends with someone that wrecked my family. She was shocked>
in my case as well, W says I hope we can be good friends after. I told her the same, sorry we won't be good friends, we will be co-parents and be the best we can be at that.
Then she states how her and her first H are still friends, so why can't we? She even accuses me of being mad that she is friends with her exH.
She is totally wrong about that, and while her ex and her still talk as they coparent the two boys, they are by no means good friends...
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
It's not really a friendship any way. Being "friends" is kind of WAW script. Basically it's a way to get over some of the guilt by letting you down easy. Besides, the friendships are generally one sided...the WAW takes and you give.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Admitting that she is the one with the problem is certainly a step in the right direction. Very altruistic of her to be concerned about her behavior being detrimental to your welfare. Why is she so adverse to a win-win situation- you know, the one where she gets to keep her good looking devoted husband? Or is there a OM in the picture?
Well, by now I am starting to wonder if it's the "it's not you, it's me" speech, but she does have terribly low self-esteem. There's a OM that she hangs out with every once in a while. It doesn't seem to be much more than that, but there are a lot of texts going back and forth.
Quote:
Don't know your sitch Sam- are you still intimate with your W? If not, why not try to steer things in that direction with your W? Just an idea off the top of my head. No pun intended.
No, we are not. Other than some hugs here and there. But I don't think it would be a good idea to initiate any of that right now.
Quote:
You know, the two biggest variables in my sitch have been OM and our financial problems. If I didn't have these two variables to contend with my original approach might have been more effective.
I think the approach we both have taken should be pretty effective in case you still live in the same house and without OM involved. I guess you have your financial issues preventing a S, but a serious case of OM on the other hand... I think in a case where the WAS openly dates OP in complete disrespect of LBS, gucci and PDT's approach should be very effective at getting across to the WAS that you will not tolerate disrespect. However, when you lack hard evidence, going in all guns blazing is not going to have the desired effect. JMHO
About a month ago, my W mentioned having an appt with a layer to draw up papers, and I told her that if she was sure that's what she wanted to go ahead. No word about D or lawyers since then. So I have chosen to steer towards a D by starting to separate the last few bills and that kind of stuff. It's had some effect. Is it going to bring her home? IDK
My wife also said what good friends we will be after the D, I told her that she was mistaken, I could never be friends with someone that wrecked my family. She was shocked>
Burt
Precisely what I told my W. It didn't make sense to her either.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
Well, by now I am starting to wonder if it's the "it's not you, it's me" speech, but she does have terribly low self-esteem.
My W has the same problem with low self esteem. I have often wondered how much of a common denominator low self esteem is with WAWs in general. It definitely seems to create bigger problems for the LBHs.
Quote:
About a month ago, my W mentioned having an appt with a layer to draw up papers, and I told her that if she was sure that's what she wanted to go ahead. No word about D or lawyers since then. So I have chosen to steer towards a D by starting to separate the last few bills and that kind of stuff. It's had some effect. Is it going to bring her home? IDK
Yeah I hear you Sam. I really did not want to file for D but I have to think that it has definitely woken up my W even if just a little bit. According to my W, OM just dumped her, although she wouldn't say when nor would she look me in the eye when she was telling me this. Supposedly OM told her he was feeling guilty for being the one responsible for the break up of her family and just couldn't handle it. Hmmm, interesting timing, especially since I have maintained all along that the first step towards reconciliation would be for OM to disappear from the picture. Of course, shortly thereafter W advised that she wasn't counting on OM being around forever AND she is not interested in rekindling anything with me. So go figure.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
