Hey Gucci, Puppy, RobX and Coach!

[BigJohn]

I just reread this part, and this is EXACTLY what my W is doing as well. I have hesitated at filing the D, as this is EXACTLY what she wants me to be doing.

How do you deal with this, when you know it is why she is pushing you?

The only thing I could think of was to really push for EVERYTHING in the D, as she has in her head the 'perfect plan' and 'fantasy' of what life during/after D will be.

Thoughts?

That sounds a lot like my W, too. I think she is doing things now designed to get me angry at her to justify her dissatisfaction with the M. We never fought in our marriage, always avoided it. Now she is removing me and my family from her facebook friends list and not wearing her rings at home. So far I haven't reacted to those things, but wonder if I should and how.

IWITW/Orich,

My original defense to my W's behavior was to do a 180, let go of the anger and resentment, work towards detachment (and on myself) and hunker down for the long haul. If you've followed my sitch, you will recall that my W is underemployed and we have now developed financial issues that cannot be ignored. My W chooses to let this and every other issue be MY problem instead of OUR problem. My W's focus is on working out, working on her tan, her A with OM, having fun and vacationing. The financial issues have not only stymied my efforts to fully detach but have also created a situation where we cannot afford a physical S. My W knows that the financial situation is where I am completely vulnerable and therefore is using it as a wedge.

When I tried to push the physical S issue with her to make progress on that front and to get her a$$ engaged with the financial situation, she came home with D paperwork from the courthouse. That is when I turned around and filed for D the next day.

I would say that if you don't have any wedge issues where you are vulnerable and you can healthfully detach you may be able to continue a defense similar to the one I've employed up until now. But even if you can keep it going, you are still looking at the potential of a protracted period of limbo which in my mind is not healthy. So in that sense, I think there is some benefit to getting real with my W now and having to force her to learn about all of the negative consequences of her actions and a D. And truthfully, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I didn't hurt my sitch by not reacting more aggressively early on BEFORE my W acclimated to her WAW behavior and things like filing for D lost it's "shock value".

Hopefully with the help of the the guys on the title of this thread we can all get some good ideas on handling our WAWs and their passive-aggressive behavior towards us.

Thanks for the feedback. You guys are in my prayers. Orich, man I relate to you, we are a lot alike. It is easy for us to be misunderstood as guys not having self respect, etc. when nothing could be further from the truth. We just love our W's and families so much we will sacrifice big time for them, no matter how painful it might be. People just don't understand how a lion like me could take $h*t from a lamb like my W, but I'm sure you do. It ain't easy.

Take care guys.