She is not a victim just as I am not. H has hurt me and between he and I, there is healing that would need to happen (I think together or apart). But, my own personal healing is my responsibility. She has choices, she wants to be her own person and make her own decisions. She wants to feel whole and okay without you before she could contemplate being with you. The OM is just a spoke in the wheel (IMO)...but, the major theme is that she wants to live her own life on her own terms. If she has the guts to live up to her own expectations, she will likely rid of him. His pressuring her is just one more opportunity for her to woman up and do her own thing. It is all her call. She chose him, he's challenging her and a win for her (IMO) would be to take herself back from him to and be on her own.
A&K, I'm almost speechless. I read this three times. It made me cry (I'm new to that too) and it made me realize again how much I want to support her and root for her and cheer her on to victory for herself. I hope this is where she is, I hope she takes herself back and I hope that there's a place for me when she does.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
Aha! You love her, cheer from where you are but she has to do it alone. Really.
Oh and we can't presume to know what is right for her. That is the point.
And this is also why you really are going to need to heal yourself and be okay on your own. Tough stuff.
Boooo. If I think of it too much it feels like I'm on a heal yourself and each other forum and not a DBing forum. I want to fight to save my marriage until it doesn't make sense to continue.
[sorry, didn't realize I was posting this on your thread until it was too late]
Last edited by RedSoxFan; 09/01/0909:12 PM.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
So, I was thinking about the issues of respect and judgement after reading another thread...and I realized that it is true that I judge the crap out of H and don't respect him much. Some here have probably concluded that he doesn't behave in a respectable fashion but I decided tonight that seeing as I have pretty much accepted D and H is not my "better half" anymore, I can really lighten up and stop judging...
First I caught myself kind of grilling about where he might take the kids this weekend (of course the home of a famous person) and I literally said, I am going to crawl out from up your a** now...which he really didn't get so I clarified, "I'm all up in your biznis and I don't need to be. I'm sure you'll fill me in if it is happening."
To which he answered basically no problem and asked if I'd seen the movie yet (the one I ignored his invitation to twice) and he has seen it twice and wants to see it again because it is brilliant.
And I was in my kitchen dancing and feeling light and thought what the hey, nothing to lose, I'll say yes when he asks this time. But, he didn't ask...LOL.
He said he was gonna take the kids to see it (violent inappropriate movie, him trying to f*ck with me)...so I say "I already took them" (me being playful instead of busting his balls)...
and then, nothing...no invitation...
So I've skipped 4 invitations and was finally ready to throw caution to the wind and say okay and it didn't happen. And thank the heavens, I can laugh at the irony...cuz a) this is clearly never over and b) I've already let him go and can barely fathom having him as my husband...so, not much at stake.
Actually, when he told me about the celebs house and taking the kids, I thought of SP and all of this talk about do we even want the WAS back and thought "hell no do I want to be living with and raising my kids with such a star-f*cker." I actually had a moment of really wanting to move the kids out of here and away from all of that and minimize their exposure.
So, interesting that when I let go of him as my husband, it lifts a lot of the judgement and makes it feel safer to play a little and even perhaps spend time with him.
I still have a chance to stay Gucci, I gave H little and can still pull back but I felt like a little banter was healthy...
This is what I was dancing to and could easily be sung from my H's own mouth-
And I was in my kitchen dancing and feeling light and thought what the hey, nothing to lose, I'll say yes when he asks this time. But, he didn't ask...LOL.
And I was in my kitchen dancing and feeling light and thought what the hey, nothing to lose, I'll say yes when he asks this time. But, he didn't ask...LOL.
I decided tonight that seeing as I have pretty much accepted D and H is not my "better half" anymore, I can really lighten up and stop judging...
I don't get why accepting D is a driving force here? What's the right choice for you and does D happening or not happening really have anything to do with it?
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
To which he answered basically no problem and asked if I'd seen the movie yet (the one I ignored his invitation to twice) and he has seen it twice and wants to see it again because it is brilliant.
And I was in my kitchen dancing and feeling light and thought what the hey, nothing to lose, I'll say yes when he asks this time. But, he didn't ask...LOL.
Timing is everything in life. How do we get to a place where we're prepared and ready for whatever happens when it happens as opposed to trying to predict and prepare? It's too easy to miss, to fail and get disappointed with predict and prepare.
Love the music video.
Last edited by RedSoxFan; 09/02/0902:56 PM.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
LOL YES! I do have a life, freakin' busy!!! Work, kids, dealing with "the WIFE" who in the beginning of this separation didn't want to look at me, now can't stop being around me even while arguing as much as she can about anything & everything, it's close to stalking but not there yet. Last month getting 20-30 calls (no joke) per day was a little.... much, and that doesn't include text msg's either.
I'm a systems admin too, so when I'm on call there is way too much work to do and way too few of us to do it. Plus I like to have a bit of personal life, going out, hanging out, gym, shopping, making sure I'm the like the "best dad ever", 24 hours in one day just doesn't cut it, I need more time, I used to think the days went by fast, now it feels like the weeks go by fast. Busy, busy, busy - I can't remember the last time I watched TV LOL! Thank god for smartphones with decent keyboards that can browse the net & check mail, I can't see myself living without this handy device.
Long story Short... I am busy. I will read (I promise) what I have missed after you have poured your guts out (scoop them back up when you get a chance, you don't want anyone slipping on them and falling and then suing you for the physical harm you caused them).
