Thank you everyone for the kind words. Sara and I did last as a married couple, and I've come to understand many reasons why through her death - she was sick. She needed help that I couldn't give to her, and for that, I don't blame myself. I do have guilt because I never was able to properly say goodbye. The last time we spoke, it was civil, and I told her I still think about her, but I didn't really get to speak to her the way I wish I could have. Her decision was personal, and her own, but I really feel that, with or without me, she made the world shine a lot brighter. I feel the world has lost one of its' real stars and she will be missed by many.
As for me, I'm not really sure where to go from here. I was doing a lot better with dating and have moved on from the failure that was our marriage, but this brings back hurt from a depth I was not expecting. I'm not sure what others in her family or my family think, but I cried all day yesterday and couldn't sleep, and cried more this morning. I almost feel guilty for being this way considering she was my XW and she kind of had a BF, but I still feel that eternal connection with her now. I've already thought of counseling, as I'm feeling really numb and not sure how to deal with this agony I am feeling.
I'm sorry this is off-topic from divorce, but I envy each and every one of you that still has the chance to put your differences aside and still show that other person in whatever way you can that you love them. I would give anything to have Sara back for just one moment to tell her that I will always love her, no matter what.
Again, thanks for the kind words. Please remember it's never too late to tell someone you love them.
Me: 30 W: 27 Married: 9/2007 ILUBNILWU: 1/2008 W moved out 5/24/2008 W suicide 8/25/2009
Again, I cannot express the words to say how sorry I am. And, I am praying for you.
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I'm sorry this is off-topic from divorce, but I envy each and every one of you that still has the chance to put your differences aside and still show that other person in whatever way you can that you love them. I would give anything to have Sara back for just one moment to tell her that I will always love her, no matter what.
really helps put things in perspective for everyone here.
I would strongly recommend you get hooked in with an IC. It can't hurt.
I've come to understand many reasons why through her death - she was sick. She needed help that I couldn't give to her, and for that, I don't blame myself. I do have guilt because I never was able to properly say goodbye.
That's one of the most difficult parts of any sudden death--those left behind were not able to say good-bye, or any of the other things they may have wanted to communicate. But I'm glad you understand that it wasn't your fault.
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I've already thought of counseling, as I'm feeling really numb and not sure how to deal with this agony I am feeling.
Yes, please seek counseling, and the sooner the better. You need as much support as you can get right now--suicide is very difficult for the survivors. There may even be a "Survivors of Suicide" support group near you, and that may be very helpful because others can tell you how they coped and what you can expect.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with HM...please seek some support for yourself. While the people here are wonderful, it will help immensely to have someone who can be physically present with you to help support you.
Really bad, Hoosier. My parents came over to help me pick out a flower arrangement and we viewed the website of the funeral home where her services will be. They had her obituary there and it was very hard to read. I still don't think of her as gone, but seeing it in print sinks that knife a little deeper.
Selfishly, I got a little broken up when I read the list of survivors which included her boyfriend. That was a tough read because I dated and was married to her for 4.5 years whilst he dated her for less than a year. Knowing the burial is private, and I'm pretty sure I am not welcome there since I am no longer family, it's hard to think of being seen as just another friend. I feel like so much more, especially since I spent considerable amount of intimate time with her (more than the BF), but because I was not current, I'm left behind to grieve by myself.
I'm dealing with those thoughts now, and I realize how selfish they are and feel guilty for thinking of myself in this occasion. I almost feel I am mourning her more than most
Me: 30 W: 27 Married: 9/2007 ILUBNILWU: 1/2008 W moved out 5/24/2008 W suicide 8/25/2009
UD - You are not selfish. You are grieving. Give yourself time.
There are no words that can express my sorrow for you and for all that loved her. When one is so depressed that suicide feels like the only answer, one is not thinking of the pain those left behind will feel. One just wants to stop the intense pain/hurt and may even feel that when they are gone, life will be easier for those who love them as one will no longer be "a problem to others." I know from which I speak.
Hang in there UD and trust in God. I will continue to pray for you.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
