He wants to take Nathan to the air show (Blue Angels fighter jets) over the weekend. I already ruled out Friday. So he is trying to find out when my plans are for Saturday so he can figure out an open time to have Nathan....
I have apparently become cynical b/c where I used to be happy he wanted time with the kids now I feel like this is his attempt to score points after talking to his lawyer. He had spent 4 overnights total with the kids since he moved out in January until mid-August. In the 13 days since he met his lawyer he has had 4 overnights. I can do the math...
Now he wants Nathan on 'my' weekend and offered to take them when I would ordinarily call a babysitter, too.
No, I want him to have time with his kids. I am against the idea that he is doing it to get out of paying me since I have had the kids 85% of the time since he left and now he will say he is with them 1/2 the time...
I feel like he is also trying to check me, see what I am thinking. It is typical after he has been an ass for him to try and have a couple 'normal' exchanges with me to neutralize things. After I reply nicely a few times he backs off again, certain that I am not up to anything...
BobbiJo you can definitely tell him to stop contacting you. I did, and it was great. I actually only heard from stbx last night after almost five months. I got a ton of healing done during that time.
However, how will that affect your arrangement with the kids? If you have something set in stone, I would tell him you don't want to hear from him unless someone is bleeding, dying, or dead (theoretically speaking), that you are not switching days, and you just need a break.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Right now we schedule out one month in advance. Last night we did the Sept. schedule. I get every Thursday b/c I have to take Nathan for allergy shots after school. Dan gets every Wednesday b/c I have night class. Everything else is up for grabs. There is a 6 day period where he is in Canada so he wants them the weekend before and the weekend after.
But he said not overnight as they cannot stay at his parents' house with him. He is supposedly getting a rental house asap to start having overnights. However I will make a plan with a friend to stay overnight on one of those weekends and he will have to find a way to make it work. I can't do everything to suit him at my own expense.
Then once the schedule is filled in he usually has about 12 days out of the month that are 'his'. On top of that, 3 or 4 days a month he will call last minute and ask what we are doing that night, want to come see kids, or take them somewhere, etc etc. So no not set in stone. He says it is 'impossible' to have a fixed visitation plan b/c 1)He travels for work which screws things up 2)He doesn't have anywhere to keep them on overnights
By the way, I too had a conversation with my W several months ago (New Year's Eve of all days) where she through out a couple of "F U's" as well. I remember thinking in the middle of it, I cannot believe the woman I married and love is saying such a thing to me - my mind just could not comprehend it, like it wasn't even real. I didn't even want to be in the same room with her for weeks after that. Unfortunately we were still living in the same house (well actually still are for one more month when she moves out), so I couldn't avoid her. Sorry didn't mean to hijack.
I bet the lawyer told him to get a rental to keep them overnight. And he chooses to yell at you with lame excuses for why he needs a rental. I fail to see how putting money into his new place is building equity for you. The debt on that place will overpower equity for years to come.
I bet the lawyer told him to get a rental to keep them overnight.
That is an unethical lawyer. My L had told me of a client that wanted to have him try to work in more time with the kids for the sole purpose of reducing child support. My L told the guy to get a different lawyer.
BobbiJo - it really matters on your choice of L's. I hope yours is highly experienced and can see through the BS of Dan's L. Beware of a divorce L who is a shark.
My sister is a successful attorney, youngest partner ever in her firm, etc etc. Made full partner before age 35.
She referred me to my attorney (her firm is in Des Moines but I am closer to Omaha/Council Bluffs). He was a very nice, caring man who was easy on me as I was so upset during our consult last November.
I called my sis this morning and told her I knew he had been very kind but I needed to know if he could be assertive and aggressive b/c I am going to be up against a lot with Dan.
She said that yes, he is very competent and has gone the litigation route when necessary, that he can be quite assertive; she said she specifically asked him to be kind and soft during my consult b/c she knew I was devastated by the whole thing and not ready to 'go to battle' so to speak. But when push comes to shove she said he is excellent.
There is a difference between being competent and assertive and being a shark. He won't advise me to do anything unethical, but he will look out for my best interests if Dan starts pulling unethical maneuvers on me. So I think I am in good hands.
I didn't want to get down in the mud. My sis says I didn't get in it, Dan drug me into it. So I will do what I must in order to protect my kids and myself. A short time ago I was willing to just sign whatever and let him go. Now I know that was probably exactly what he was hoping for.
Oh and I sent him a msg. that he can have Nathan from 12-5 Saturday if he wants (b/c the kids needs his dad, not the other way around).
Then I just said other than that we have the schedule set for the month, there is no reason for us to communicate unless there is an urgent need. We can let our attorneys handle things from here.
So if he hasn't retained his (he told me this morning he did not have anyone hired yet), guess he better.
