Less than 24 hours to D and now this!

[trytoohard]

9:20AM today -My A called today to tell me to be at the courthouse by 8:15 to finalize the D. I am ready for this, it has been 15 years in the making, almost 5 years of seperation and two divorce filings.

9:26AM today -My STBXH calls to tell me that his stress test yesterday was not good and his cardiologist suspects a blockage in the anterior portion of his heart and he is scheduled for a cardiac cath this Thursday at 6:30AM. STBXH starts crying when I asked him if he wanted me to take him for the procedure and tells me he is scared but he doesn't want things to be weird for me given the circumstances.

9:51AM -call A to tell him of this development and A tells me will will delay the prove up until my STBXH is medically stable and asked if H had completed his new will and medical power of attorney yet. I remineded A that his secretary has all of the info to complete it and I had not received it yet.

10:06 -A secretary call back to tell me that STBXH's new will lists him as single and leaves everything to the kids 50/50 so she cannot complete it until the D is final or STBXH changes the status. She asked me to pick up his power of attorney papers as I am his medical POA.

10:14 to current - sitting here in shock. I don't know how to feel other than I want to be there with and for H during this scary time and he wants me there. STBXH states that I am the one he wants there, not just because I am an RN but because he feels better knowing that I'm there. He also states he doesn't deserve to have me there after everthing he has done to me.

[K4D]

Maybe you 2 are not meant to be D'd. Just a thought.

Kevin

[trytoohard]

I'm thinking there are grander things at work here K4D. Spoke with STBXH about an hour ago and he states "there is never a good time for something like this. The divorce is not going to change the way I feel about you and my heart issue is not your fault. We need to close this book and see if we can write a new one."

STBXH thinks this divorce is tantamount to shaking an Etch-A-Sketch and erasing all of the mess. My fear is that he is still going to want to be very involved in my life without doing the things he knows needs to be done.

Will update more later...

[25yearsmlc]

I have 2 family members who divorced (cousin and aunt) and remarried their exes 5+ years later. It happens. And yes, they were much better the 2nd time around....


Good luck with your h or stbxh or whatever. He's so scared and guilt ridden etc it is time to be compassionate, as you are.

Later for the rest. Or you'll wonder if you contributed to his NOT getting better if things go badly. And you don't want your kids wondering that either...so carry on with the grace you are showing...and sending

Prayers your way.
j-

[ridnic]

That was one of my X's things she talked about, wanting a fresh start, but funny how she got involved with another. Lots of things were said that Im glad I didnt fall for but did fall for some of it.

And when she did file, her words were that of "maybe we will be one of those couples that in 5 years we will make it work, that in that time we would have gotten a chance to know each other better". Now X thinks there is too much damage and that will probably never happen.

So time will only tell. Good luck.

[trytoohard]

Painfully easy is the best way to describe the process for divorce in my county. Got to the courthouse at 7:45, parked and went inside. It was a beautiful, clean and efficient building, with excellent security so I should have felt safe right? I was struck with a low level feeling of terror that I knew was coming from the enormous amount of negativity the building has held. This is a very large county with many large courthouses, this one being specifically for family court. 6 stories and 24 court rooms. That's a large facility for the "chickens to come home to roost" as my grandma would say.

As I sat on the wooden bench outside of my assigned courtroom, I found it difficult to look around at all of the other people gathered there for the very same thing. I realized that what I was feeling was shame. Shame for being there, for not trying harder, for being an epic failure. Luckily, my therapy and my God quickly rushed to my aid and I worked past those feelings and began to take in my surroundings.

The majority present were women, majority younger than me and majority looked positively miserable to be there. Hooray! I'm not alone!

At 8:30 on the dot we were ushered into the courtroom, sworn in and told to have a seat. The judge immediately began calling cases up and each one took less than two minutes from introduction to "divorce granted" rumbling across the judge's desk. There were 10 cases heard before mine, all with the same grounds listed and all brought by women. I was number 11 and my divorce was final at 9:02am.

I felt somewhat shocked at the speed and emotionless manner with which divorce is granted. It didn't hit me until I sat down on the wooden bench once again, now a single woman for the first time in 27 years, to wait for my certified copy of the decree.

I heard a man on the telephone trying to reassure someone named "Babe" that he was trying to hurry and that as soon as he got his certified copy he would be on his way. The man hung up the phone and announced to no one in particular "I gotta get outta here, I'm getting married this weekend." I could almost see the letters MLC rising from his forehead!

More later.....