How do you wait this out?

[Golfgirl1]

Well, mine will probably be similar, unfortunately. I am going to look for your stich...So sorry that it happened to you as well. Hope things are going well in your life.

[Golfgirl1]

He told my sister-in-law that he an OW were 'on a break' so he could decide what he wanted. He told her he was very confused. Just drove by his 'rental' house and her car was there..he is "supposedly" out of town. Why would she be there? She has her own house? Lies, lies, why can't they stop?

Last Sunday he cried on the answering machine that he missed me and loved me. True or false? So very hard to think 20 years just went down the drain so fast.....

[brandnewday]

GG,

I am sorry that you feel my advice to you doesn't pertain to your situation to the point that you have ignored both of my posts to you.

I don't take it personally, but having been in your shoes and now being reconcilled in my Marriage after MLC I tend to be a lot more optimistic then most about saving a Marriage and not rushing off to file for a Divorce.

Unfortunately taking advice from those who are negative and bitter you will end up like them unless you get your head on straight and figure out exactly what it is that you want.

You don't want a Divorce, this is obvious.

[Arwen_in_NJ]

BND-
Just went to view all your posts, and went to page 1 of 756(!). Wow! I will say that the little I read gave me hope for my sitch.

Thank you!

[Arwen_in_NJ]

BND- would you mind giving your insight on my post http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1823012#Post1823012

[Kimmie Lee]

Thank you GG.

We had no kids, just like you. So, it was easier for me to move on and I relocated to a new town and got a new job.

Unlike me, h is saddled with two teenage step-daughters and I can't imagine his "happiness" will be everlasting.

And yes, your h will lie...and lie...and lie...so don't believe a single word that comes out of his mouth.

Hang in there, kiddo. You can do this.

Also, don't feel one bit bad about seeing an atty. You are doing the right thing by protecting yourself. No one said you have to get a D. It may not go that far.

For another sitch that is similar, search for gForce. They didn't have children together either and he was very willing to move on and his w knew he meant it. it scared the crap out of her and she came back. Very inspiring reading!

However, keep in mind that almost everyone here will get D'd. I really wish it weren't so, but it is the absolute truth. I would love for someone, anyone, to prove me wrong, but that won't happen.

You may not salvage your M, but you can certainly retain you dignity. And that is a lot.

[Golfgirl1]

BND,
You are so right...I do NOT want a divorce, however he has significantly cut back on the finances and his affair with the VP of the company who does all the "books" doesn't make me feel secure. I have told my attorney that I would like to go to the initial conference and then put things on hold for awhile while we see if there is any chance of reconciliation. At this time he is telling me he is not attracted to me and doesn't feel attractive to me. What do I do with that? I will look for your thread...

[Golfgirl1]

BND,
Can you send me your thread? I can't find it...

[brandnewday]

GG,
I don't have a current thread right now, most of mine are in the MLC archives.

All I can tell you is that my Husband was one of the worst MLC'ers here.

Filing for a Divorce would have been the easy way out, I know.

It would have saved me from the emotional turmoil that MLC brought into my life, as well as the financial strain and the stress of being a single Mother.

But for me, I knew that the man my Husband had become was not normal. He was the complete opposite of the Man I had married.
I think that this is what made me stand, the idea that he was mentally ill and didn't really get that he was destroying his life and his family.

There were no guarantees that he would ever snap out if it, but I wanted to try and wait it out.

The idea of protecting yourself financially is very important, my Husband completely ruined our credit, wiped out our retirement and caused alot of debt.

This can be done with a separation agreement, not a Divorce.

I didn't listen to the advice of others here when they warned me to protect myself financially.

My Husband had always been so responsible in that area.

Being still and not provoking him will gain you alot of peace and reduce the metal anguish you are under.

Learning to listen to what he is saying and keeping your mouth shut will make a huge difference.

I am not making excuses for his affair and his stupidity.

I am however telling you that if you want a chance to save this Marriage you had better put on the brakes and take a step back.

Many people in my life told me I was totally insane to try and save my Marriage.
I was pretty much abandoned by my friends and family because they thought I was basically punishing myself and the children by living in false hope.

My in-laws turned their backs on me and the children, after 20 years of being a part of our lives. Blood is thicker than water.

There are many here who do believe in standing for a Marriage, seek them out for encouragement.

But it is gruelling and hard and not for everyone.

It can suck the life out of you if you let it.

(((((hugs))))

[cat04]

BND,

I have not read all of your posts, but from what I am familiar with, I do agree with your assessment that your H was one of the worst here. I do feel that I need to go back and reread because you are definately one very strong woman. I thank you for you insight.