I don't come here often any more, but just happened to see you were here and checked on your sitch. wow. sounds like your head must ben spinning and you have a lot to deal with.
am wondering, with all the things your h has promised, is rehab/sobriety one of them?
I wish you well, sue. you deserve much happiness!!!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
If he is that messed up, and now, that committed "no matter the cost," an in-house rehab might be a good start...something that offers family counseling, too...
If he is that messed up, and now, that committed "no matter the cost," an in-house rehab might be a good start...something that offers family counseling, too...
Agreed 150%.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I believe he is playing you and using your D. He is scared - he never thought you would have this much backbone. He will take you back to where he could manipulate you like before.
The ONLY way you will ever know if he means what he says is if you follow though and separate from him. Let him get sober, get a job, prove he can be a credit to you and your D. Please don't get sucked in to this. He has spent many years learning how to play you and he is using your D as a weapon - just how low and despicable is that.
When he cried after his mom died did he clean his act up - NO. This man is full of crocodile tears....his security blanket just vanished and he is sh!tting himself. Do not get sucked in. Get your D back and get him out. If he ends up in a ditch it is HIS fault.
I am sorry, I have seen what he has put you through, he deserves all of what is coming at him whilst you deserve some peace and happiness. Remember this is the guy who without any money goes to concerts and accuses you of being boring, the man who can't pay his child care because the money has gone on booze and having a good time, tha man who would, if you didn't stop him, drive his daughter who he professes to love so much, whilst he was drunk.
Sue, can the man- he is bad news.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Suzy Q, I think that Saffie's words of wisdom ring really true. I am so sorry honey, but he has sucked you in before. Think back when you moved out and got the new apartment. He guilted you so badly that you let him move in. Unfortunately, he did not change. He has lots to prove to you. I think Saffie's ideas are dead on.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Haven't been around the boards in AGES, but I'm glad I found your new thread.
I can see that there's a little part of you that would like to hold onto some hope for H, in spite of everything. If that hope wasn't there, you wouldn't be conflicted when he tries to convince you he can change. So, I am not going to tell you to extinguish that hope.
HOWEVER, that doesn't mean you need to fall for his BS one more time. DO separate - for REAL. Go on about your life and even prepare for the D - that doesn't mean you have to make it official if things turn around.
But act as if you are officially divorced. Divide your money, live apart, work out custody of D5. Then, one of two things will happen.
First, H may see that his manipulations are not going to work. In that case, I expect he'll sink even lower (hard to imagine, I know) - he'll hit rock bottom. In case of this, please protect yourself and D5 against the worst. And be ready to D and move on for good.
Second, H may finally get the kick in the rear that causes him to straighten himself up. The wording there is very deliberate - HE has to do it, all by himself. You are not (and never have been) responsible for his actions. This will take a while - stay removed from H's Drama Show as much as you can. Maybe someday, he'll come to you, sober and acting like a terrific human being, and then you can see how you feel. (I personally doubt it, but nothing's impossible, I guess!) Until that day, live life for yourself and for D5 - BE HAPPY!
We are all cheering for you, Sue!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Ditto everything that Rob said!! You know I won't say that your H can't change because my H did after years of hell and broken promises. You know our story well and I can testify that Rob is 100 percent correct in everything he posted. I had to be DONE and J had to face his demons alone before we could even think about being a family again. We spent 18 months apart and I'll never regret the changes we both made during that time.
Hang in there!! You know we all love you and want you to find peace and happiness.
