How do you wait this out?

[Golfgirl1]

Please...anyone out there??? I am so alone and need some guidance on what to do?

[Twink]

GG, I couldn't sleep for a while after the bomb either. My mind just wouldn't quiet down. After about 10 days I saw my doctor, and he prescribed xanax. It helped immensely. I took one when I woke up in the middle of the night, and another when I got up in the morning. That was (and still is) the hardest time of day for me, before I really got my day going. I also took one before I was going to see my H, or any time I began to feel a knot in my stomach. I rarely take it now. I know there are some others here who use it as well. That might be an option for you. Keep calling your doctor, and leave a message that it's important. You can't function well, and especially can't deal with the stress of this, without adequate sleep.

Hang in there, GG. Things will get better! Really.

[WCW]

What's been happening this week to make you so much worse?
Sleep is important, drugs can help you get there. If you can't reach a doctor you can also get OTC stuff to help you sleep.
You can also try an internet search or webmd for sleep rememdies.

[d1adsl5a]

GG,

I had insomnia for close to a year before W dropped the bomb. Therapy didn't seem to work. I started taking Celexa and Ambien. It kept getting worse not better. After the W dropped the bomb, I started sleeping again. Not great sleep, but actually falling asleep and only getting up once. I have cut the medications I am taking in half. So a small amount of the ambien and a small amount of the celexa. It works. My goal obviously is not to take anything. My W is 3.5 months into a MLC. I see no signs of her slowing down-meaning wanting to work on the marriage. So I wake up at 3am every night thinking if I am still in this nightmare--I am.

But what helped a great deal is understanding where the insomina was coming from. For me, it was the pressure that my Wife was going to leave me if I didn't beat this insomnia thing. I finally found a therapist who helped me realize the source of the stress for not sleeping. It was a hard year, and she is seriously thinking about leaving me. So subconciously, I guess I knew something was wrong with our marriage. Learning to compartmentalize those thoughts is key. Control of your thoughts is the key to sleep. My mind still races constantly before I go to bed and when I wake up in the middle of the night. I am still in same bed with my wife. I do sleep better when I am away from her on the couch. But you learn over time to just stop the thoughts and concentrate on your breathing. I bought a sleep cd by roberta shapiro. The best investment I made. It does a great job of getting you to sleep. Also the Delta Sleep CD is good. I do better with someone talking me to sleep vs. sounds. Delta sleep is more meditation oriented. Now I am falling asleep to Bruce Springstein's "Devils& Dust"...Just have to find the right things that relax you and take your mind off of it.

Take it from one that has been fighting insomnia for over a year and a half. You can control it.

[onceuponatime]

Golfgirl1, Wish I'd have seen your note on 8/8, instead of 10 days later. Yes, had lots of trouble sleeping. To this day, still sleep with TV on timer. Sometimes, I forget the timer, and wake up in the middle of the night because of it. Have to reset timer, to get back to sleep. My mind whirls. Especially in the night when i wake up. Everyday I would wake up, middle of night, or in very early morning. First thought was always of H, and then the awful shots of adrenaline would shoot through me as I remembered what was happening. I'd cry immediately. I used to die for the chance to sleep late. But, after this, I couldn't stay asleep. I couldn't stop crying. Took Paxil, but it just me feel dead. It did not take the hurt away, did help the crying every so slightly. Didn't even finish the first bottle. It now erks me that my medical records say 'depression'. What the heck! We aren't depressed, we are heart sick. There should be a different pill for that!

That year, I worked lots of hours, till August, with no vacation, just to try to not be alone at home. Also turned down a wonderful job, because I didn't think I could do a good job, with all this going on. I also had a wonderful understanding boss. One night, I decided I'd had it, and told my manager I was fried. needed time off. He said leave, and dont come back for a week. (that was also the night he'd come in to tell me he had been promoted, and was no longer my manager. ) That night, I swear I had a heart attack. The pains went up my arms, and across my chest. Curshing pain. But, after a night in the hosp, and lots of tests, said it wasn't. It happened again several times the next week. Each time my blood pressure had gone sky high. I think it was all the stress, and my veins hurt! My sister told me, and other women have told me since, it was a stress attack. It's happened to them. The best I could do, was try to fill my time as much I could, but then do as everyone here says, give yourself the time to cry, stay in bed, and do whatever you need to. Be good to yourself. Don't feel guilty for doing it. It has gotten better over the years. I don't cry every morning. Sometimes, I go for weeks without crying. Still think of H all the time, first thing I wake up, all day, on and off, through to the time I turn on that TV timer, and finally fall asleep. The noise helps quiet my brain, so I can sleep.

I noticed you have no kids. Me either. No one to have to care for, but ourselves. I've recently started going to a house where a friend plays in the band. Lots of people gather to listen. They always have some food for the break. I started making food to take there. Cooking was large part of what I did for my H. If you have something you always did, that your H loved, (besides sex that is), see if you can find a way to do that for someone, so you feel the same nice feeling of being appreciated. It's fleeting, but, it's a nice break for a troubled heart.

Once

[Golfgirl1]

I actually take an anti-anxiety medication now and it helps immensely!

Yesterday, my h called and left a message saying he loved and missed me and was crying on the phone. I did NOT contact him all day and he finally woke me up at 10:30. He was distant, cold, said I should tell my lawyer to stop the divorce and he wasn't attracted to me. What the heck? Do they all leave mixed messages like that? I've found that I do better when I detach, leave him alone, and have no contact...it's just so hard. I miss him so very much.

[TRUSTING]

I think no contact is the key to making it through this nightmare.....

[Dawn of Hope]

Do they all leave mixed messages like that?

Yep.

I've found that I do better when I detach, leave him alone, and have no contact...it's just so hard. I miss him so very much.

Everyone goes through that. NC is easier because you no longer have to deal with his drama queen antics. Detachment is easier yet. If it's still hard, and you miss him a lot, you aren't detached yet. Keep working on it; it gets better.

Take care of yourself.

Peace,
Dawn

[Golfgirl1]

Well, guess what? I just got a text message saying, "awful quiet today?" Good night!
Hmm....gotta keep him guessing...and it does ME better to have NC with him. Maybe he can figure out what he stands to lose if we divorce. OR, he could just be cake eating.

Thoughts anyone? I HAVE to keep the ball in my court!!

[Arwen_in_NJ]

GG-

have you tried talking to a DB coach? It ain't cheap, but it is well worth the $ to have someone who listens to your sitch and gives you advice tailored to what you are going through...