Have just been reading through your thread, as I am so new to all of this and only at the very beginning and I don't have the insight and wisdom of wise words to give yet. All I can say is that you have to try and stay focused on the your end goal and as you yourself have said to me to look after yourself and do things for you that bring joy.
I really do feel your pain as my pain is so fresh and the nerves are still raw I know how you feel.
I am sorry I don't have anything more wise to say, but I am thinking of you and everyone who is here trying to see their way through the nightmare that appears to be life at the moment.
I have one small opportunity to actually write something to my wife.
I found and returned a digital camera which she uses all the time.
She thanked me but asked for the cable.
This may be the last short term (ha! 9 weeks short term) chance of trying to re-connect via returning this with a letter or note.
Any and i mean ANY advice would be gratefully accepted.
Thanks in advance.
Mac
Mac, The problem, as I see it, is not that you want to write a note to your wife. The problem is that you are pinning all your hopes on this "one small opportunity" and think you are going to find the magic words that help you re-connect.
First- There are no magic words that makes this all better.
Second- No one note will help you re-connect.
Third and most important- this is only one opportunity and you will have others. Pinning hopes on one event only sets you up for disappointment.
I am not opposed to you writing a note - go ahead and throw the 2x4's people - but you would need to write it as if you writing to a business associate. Politely, without pouring any angst into the note.
Before you consider it final you better post and let us look at it.
I might suggest:
After a search I was able to find your cable. I knew you were anxious to recieve it so I put it right into the mail. I hope all is well with you.
Take Care,
Mac
Nice. Polite. Brief. No major emotion. No hint you even know about her job. No ILY.
You can do this, MAC! Journal to get this tackled in your head.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Girls - thanks for putting up with the patch of confusion I'm going through.
Originally Posted By: girlfromoz
I am so new to all of this and only at the very beginning and I don't have the insight and wisdom of wise words to give yet.
It's a heck of a thing to gain these qualities by finding your way here in the first place. There are gems in all threads here. Even mine. Just gotta sort the wheat from the chaff.
Just being there for someone is enough sometimes. If you can shed some light then that's a bonus.
Understand?
And thank you.
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
The problem is that you are pinning all your hopes on this "one small opportunity"
Huge flash of light. Thats what was getting me in a panic. Subconsciously thinking "this was it". And then thinking back and realizing it's never been "it" since day one.
So will I avoid the majority of 2x4's with this.......?
W,
After turning the house upside down I found your cable. I knew your camera is important to you and so I got it to you as quickly as I could.
I hope BIL got the TV from X as arranged so S5 can watch TV again. Text messaging not working again so I don't know.
I hope all is okay with you.
Take care.
Mac
I had to put the TV in there as well. Not sure if BIL and W's best friend has gone into "screw Mac" mode. The whole family revolves round texting so it likely that I didn't receive the note.
I'm seriously considering re-enabling the text on my phone. Just not quite sure of the torrent that will find it's way to me. Will think on it. Maybe the weekend when I don't have the pressure of work.
Wifey - no disappointment. Just this one "concrete" act is going to do me the world of good.
Thanks for pointing me in the right direction. And keeping me there
Still can't get my head around what people keep saying to me (without being asked!). Hang in there - smiles on faces. What the heck do they see that I don't. How do they have so much confidence - in both of us? I know they've seen us go through this before - are there similarities? I can't see because I'm to close to the problem. Oh the vast majority of the "people" are women. Strange breed
So here am I at home on a public holiday (Woman's Day - go figure). Thank you ladies.
Going to pop off round the community now my head has stopped revolving and see if I can chip in the odd bit of guff.
Have just re-read ur sitch as I wanted to make sure I was familiar before I posted. Although my sitch looks somewhat positive in your eyes I have to tell you I spent months doing nothing significant in repairing and in fact, feeling like I was going backwards.
With the benefit of hindsight I can now say that working on my own goals and taking things day at a time were positive steps. Everytime I saw/communicated with H it was sending him a new message about me. Hopefully it was that I wasn't so desperate for his love. I'm sure my desperation to fix things scared him off.
Keep strong and remember and celebrate your own wonderful qualities. It's these qualities that will shine through in further communications with w.
What a wonderful message. Thank you so very much for posting. I'm encouraged by what you are doing and the results you are getting.
It's all to easy to get disillusioned when everybody BUT the W (or H) can see the improvements and actually comment on them.
Funny enough I can see things are happening. People are asking me if my W is home yet. Strange - I would have thought that if she was by my side that would be the answer. They aren't afraid to ask me because they seem to know I will NOT break down and go into "woe is me" mode.
What the heck do they see in the sitch that I don't?
Unanswerable questions.
I will keep strong and shine out like you asked me to.
That's all a person can do - I'm going to positively beam
Cas, once again for your encouragement. A little goes a long long way
Seems like I'm on the ascendance in the niceness stakes. Everyone is seeing me as Mr Nice Guy with a stupid W living with crappy "friend". Now she's getting the cold shoulder mainly because of living with said "friend".
What a load of cr@p. I'm NOT doing this to "win" a game!
I want my M to work. I want to work on my M with my W.
WTF is going on here? How can this be helping ANYONE?
Very confusing.
Maybe sleep will bring enlightenment. So ..... lights out.
Once again your day ends and mine is just starting.
I too have been told the same thing, H is seen as a you know what idiot and I am the saint which is true, but I too want my M to work even if H doesn't and everyone around me thinks I shouldn't and that I need to forget and move on.
I too am confused and go to bed each night hoping to wake up and it will have been a dream.
I think it is easy to lose sight of the our goal with so many other influences around us that make us question what we are trying to achieve.
As everyone has said to me Mac friends are for support only and unless they have first hand experience cannot really offer advice or know how you feel or understand what you are trying to do.
Don't analyse it just take the comment and remember to keep looking after you.
just could not resist one last tramp round the boards and look who turns up not one but two lovely ladies.
Oz - dead right. How come? Don't know. It is so...
Serenity - how can anyone resist your advice? - give me your H's phone number - I'll ask him
My point still stands - Me = Good / W = stu pid - this is not what I want. If my W ever wakes up from cloud cuckoo land because of this then I'll be eternally grateful.
Where the heck did this shift in dynamics come from? My W is seen as the gentlest most giving person. Far outweighs me.
????????????
'nuff said.
Hitting the light - gotta deal with the fat b@$t&% in the weekly meeting tomorrow,
Oz - have a great day. Serenity - have a great evening. You are both blessed.
Hugs one and all
Me - I'm going to Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mac
PS - no books again - 14 days and counting. Wifey - sent the note (as above) with cable today. Hit me later.
