Trapt, nice play! Keep it up. Sound interested in her conversation, what I mean by that is listen to what she has to say, without seeming you want her back. Does that make sense? Keep playing it cool, make sure you aren't dealing with a touch and go. Don't mean to sound negative, just want you to keep the guard up for awhile.
You sound like you are on much more solid ground with this. Yes please keep posting as this is a glimpse of something that we all hear about but I have wondered if anyone really ever gets to see it. LOL. I guess we all have some voyeristic tendencies.
LOL! Cat, I will admit, this fascinates me. (maybe I'm nuts) The whole process does. There is so much to all of this .Not only her journey, but mine as well. To catch glimpes of what is happening and to see and hear so many similar things happen to the rest of us here amazes me. I have learned so much about what is really taking place.
It's really helped me develop an understanding and compassion for her. As much as we think this wacked out ride is pure hell for us, it is nothing compared to what they feel. NOTHING. Learning all about this has been very helpful in many ways, but just as light is to dark or yin is to yang, it can be negative if you let it.
SoCo, Thank you ,I hope you have a great weekend too!
Originally Posted By: braveheart
Trapt, nice play! Keep it up. Sound interested in her conversation, what I mean by that is listen to what she has to say, without seeming you want her back. Does that make sense? Keep playing it cool, make sure you aren't dealing with a touch and go. Don't mean to sound negative, just want you to keep the guard up for awhile.
Braveheart, I agree again (what's happening here LOL!) I have been doing just that, but what is so great is that it all is just starting to flow now. I don't have to think about a response or how to act. It just happens when I'm around her or when I speak to her. It's just real. Yes, I worry still about what to say or do, or whether or not I should contact her right up until it happens, but now when it does it's all just natural.
Ian's post hit a nerve a little bit the other day at first. I'm actually thankful for it now. It was like a well needed shove or a door that he swung open. (hard to explain) I'm serious though. Something clicked after I processed what he said and got out what I needed to. It made me so much more confident in myself when it comes to dealing with her the right way.
To answer your question....yes, it all makes sense, but it makes sense in an automatic sort of way. It's all genuine now. I like listening to her, and I like having the chance to show her my improvements and even having her mention them to me. Yes, being a little mysterious and more attractive has been fun too. I like seeing how she has change. This woman went freakin camping I could have never imagined it. We both still need to keep growing though, It has become a little easier KNOWING that I'm gonna be better because of this NO MATTER WHAT.
This very well could be a touch and go, but I see progress and that is good even if we don't ever get back together. Either way it goes, this is still SO FAR FROM OVER. The OM is still in the picture to some degree, but it is becoming more and more obvious as to what that relationship is. I see so many signs of her using him to avoid being alone. From what I hear and see, it's almost as if she is preparing for his exit in a way. (he will be leaving the country for 14 months in the spring) Hell who knows though, this could all change, I can ONLY observe. This is all TOTALLY out of my hands. I can't do a damn thing but be me and live better every day, trusting whatever happens will be for the good. I will admit this is testing my patience like never before. I so wish I could just tell her how I feel and that I understand. Maybe someday the time will be right for that.
It's been a good day and a nice relaxing night alone tonight. I needed to take it easy. I have been on the go a lot lately. I'm looking forward to whatever tomorrow brings. Well..... today actually : )
Funny Trapt as I posted something similar yesterday about the human mind being an odd animal on Fallgirl's thread. It really is fascinating when you can step back. Probably why I just love reality TV
If you and Mach could check out Girlfromoz in newcomers. She has been just uprooted and could use some of both of your good vibes in the situation. Thanks.
Last edited by cat04; 08/08/0911:55 AM.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I just read her thread. Man, he sounds confused. One thing that did strike me is that he still seems pretty open. I had to chuckle at his comment about being able to speak more freely through email. They all seem to be email and text freaks. It's understandable, they feel more safe this way.
Everytime I venture into newcomers, it isn't pretty. There are so many who don't want to look within themselves. She sounds different. She actually sounds pretty good and from what I took away, I like her chances.I think she would be better off posting over here. I will keep my eye on her, I'm struggling with whether or not to jump back in over there. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when I read some of the advice that gets tossed around in there.
It would really help her to read the mlc resources. The more she learns about this beast the better.
Something that I have forgot to mention. My daughter has become a conduit of information for my xw. She has mentioned many things lately that would not just come up in normal conversation. There is no way that my daughter would just tell my xw these things without her being questioned.
I have even heard from my x "oh yeah, I ask her all about what you guys do." She has a lot of fun with you and I like hearing about it." There have been other things she has questioned me about that don't have anything to do with what we do though.
My x has questioned me in regards to a couple of female friends. "So who is this "xxxxxx." I hear about?" I am careful not to give to many details and at the same time I am truthful.
I know my daughter, and I ask her almost nothing about what she does with or whats going on with my x. I just don't do it. She mentions very little to me when I have her here. So for my xw to know so much about what I am doing and for her to actually admit she questions my daughter is kind of funny but at the same time my daughter shouldn't be put in this position either.
I have a caller ID service that appears on the TV as well as the phone. So I know that is how my daughter came up with the name.
She is starting to really catch on to reading. She tries to read everything now. So the first thing she does is to look at the TV when the phone rings and repeat the names of who is calling.
Yeah you probably will! Once they can read, they read everything and are all over your business!! LOL I had to have a talk with son about nosing through mommy's phone and computer... lol Don't let her into your texts! I speak from experience!
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
I speak from experience!