Can it get any worse?

[glamgirl]

MD I guess if it is for me, then I will have to deal with whatever comes my way. Could all my problems just go away?

[mdoodles]

i think we should package our problems together and mail them somewhere out of our lives. i guess its not that simple.

i just dont think the sheriff is looking for you.

[SoCo]

What we imagine is almost always waaaaay worse than reality. Keep calling.

[glamgirl]

Still have not heard anything. I will keep trying. Part of me says who cares, probably not about me anyway.

For some reason, my h and I got on the subject of vows and h mentioned how I didn't live up to them. Hmmmmm would we say that he has?

Unbelievable his thought process. Same guy that said what difference does it make if he slept with ow. Are you f'ing kidding me? What difference does it make? It made a difference to me? I cared about our m and my h. Did he ever care about me and my feelings?

I guess to my h, nothing matters. The only thing that matters are his selfish ways. It is really too much for me to process. His thought process is just so far out.

What is he really saying here? Like it doesn't matter how I treat people in this world. It doesn't matter how much I hurt you. It doesn't matter that I destroyed all the good in my life. It doesn't matter that I lie to you and then cover up a lie with another lie. It doesn't matter that I don't care what my family thinks of me. It doesn't matter what my kids think of me. It doesn't matter what my w thinks of me.

All that matters is what I think of myself. I find the thought process so destructive and hurtful. Do they ever see the destruction they have caused by their poor choices or do they live in denial forever?

[naej]

Hi Glam, been a while since I posted but just caught up with you.
As for the question

Do they ever see the destruction they have caused by their poor choices or do they live in denial forever?

I think some do stay in denial for ever.
Short of them actually voicing it to us we will never know.
I thought you and H had stopped contact and you had dropped the rope and had no expectations? I guess I had that wrong,weren't you talking of moving away or have I got the wrong poster? Apologies if I am completely off track.
I think you just have to accept that your H does not in any shape or form think as you do.
These questions will keep you stuck and as there are no answers the questions just recycle themselves.

Hope you get an answer to the sherrif thingy.
Take care.

[braveheart]

I think MOST stay in denial. As I have said countless times on here. People in general will not admit they have done wrong, now before I get jumped on by the ultra positives here, MOST will not admit they have done wrong, a few will, but a very few. As for Glam. honey, your H is an ass, idiot, selfish, spoiled brat. Why you continue to enable that behavior is beyond me, but its your life to live.

[glamgirl]

Naej and BH thanks for stopping by. Yes Naej I would like to move away, but not all that easy. Working on my future and where that goes, which could include a move.

As far as contact with h, I am firm but friendly. No contact other than the kids now and then. I wouldn't say I have expectations necessarily,but I do want answers. I guess that is where dropping the rope comes in. It's hard to have closure and drop the rope when there are so many unanswered questions for me, but you are right I probably will never get them and if I did would I be able to understand the answers.

BH I don't feel I enable my h's behavior. I hardly have any contact with him. I can't force him to act anyway other than what he does. I am friendly but firm. This man is in my life since we have kids. What is most important for me and our children is to co-parent in a healthy way.

I most certainly don't want to be stuck. I do admit I am still in a state of shock expeciallly with this latest development. It still is hard for me to look at my h and accept him for who he is today. Looking at his family and the person he was when we met, it's hard to process this is who he is, the selfish choices he made, and the mess he has made of his life.

He really did not fit that mold. He was raised to be respectable, he had good role models for men growing up. Now my first h fit the mold. It was much easier to accept. My h I thought was so much smarter and talented than what he has shown. Maybe I have given him so much more credit, but it's so hard to look at him today and wonder how his life got so far off course and why he would allow that. Why he would allow that is what baffles me.

I guess that is the part Naej that I just need to let go. He is human and he will make mistakes. I guess I just wasn't prepared for him to make the kind of mistakes he did and to continue to make those mistakes and not want to do anything to fix it.

I guess this could be why my h sarcastically said to me one day you are so perfect and judgmental. No I wouldn't say that, I just held my h in such high regards, it's so very hard to look at him and accept that this is who he is today. I always think of his family and his brothers and how my h would teach and coach them in life and now he is so far away from the values that I thought were instilled in him.

Acceptance is what I will need to put closure to all of this mess. Understanding is something I will probably never get.

[braveheart]

Glam. I don't mean to sound like a smart A, but sometimes tough love is best, so here goes. Yes, you do enable this man's behaviour, and I say that for these reasons: 1st, this man does anything he wants, you told him not long ago after you asked him to come back and he refused that this was it, next day he was over there and had you in an intimate way. 2nd, you expect him to help you with things, he says he will, he texts you 95% of the time with some B.S. reason why he can't or won't come over. 3rd you say that you have to "coparent" with him? Hell, where is the coparenting with this man? What does he ever do with his kids or to help you with him? Glam. what you have here is a case of cake eating in the classic way. This man has you EXACTLY where he wants you, he knows you aren't going anywhere or doing anything, so why change the way he acts? If you want something different, you have to change some things you are doing, period! If not, you will live the rest of your life as you are right now, nothing will change!

[glamgirl]

BH I don't expect you to understand or anyone for that matter. You only read what is written, not what I feel or see.

The past 30 days I have made changes and I am firm and friendly. Doesn't mean I am standing and waiting any longer for my h to make a move. What it means is that I have moved on with my life and treat h as a friend. I have no reason to treat him any differently or any less than a friend. Yes he has made mistakes, but no reason to be bitter. Dissappointed and sad yes, but life is too short to hold that against him. He is a flawed human.

I don't expect him to do things. I do expect him to watch the kids a few days a week while I work, so if that is expecting something then yes I do expect things. I should expect that of him. He is the other parent. Yes I get dissappointed when he text and he can't make it, but doesn't mean I am standing around waiting for him to move home. It means I was dissappointed by a friend, nothing more nothing less.

I get the fact my h is not returning and doesn't want to. Doesn't mean I am expecting him to move home or waiting around for him. Yes in the past I was, but we were going to mc, my h was making progress, we were moving in the right direction.

Everything has changed BH. Doesn't mean I am standing around waiting for my h, means that I do have a life, I am moving forward.

Part of moving forward is finding closure. Finding closure for me is answers. If the expecation is no contact or close to that, that is NOT my style. I am moving forward in my own pace and for me no one else.

My h will always be my friend. He was afterall my life long partner. Doesn't mean I can rely on him like I did during our m, but he is still a friend and a friend in crisis.

I am proud of standing by my h the way I did. I am not a heartless person and I am not afraid of others thinking he is walking all over me and cake eating. I gave unconditional love and if my h took advantage of that it's ok. God will bless me 10 fold. I have faith and wouldn't change how I treated my h in any way shape or form. It will not go unnoticed by God.

What good is love if you don't share it. One day my h will see the light, he just can't see it now.

My new motto:

Acceptance is what I will need to put closure to all of this mess. Understanding is something I will probably never get.

[glamgirl]

Well the sheriff showed back up. It was a very strange situation. A neighbor was watching s7 and they were 11.

The door was answered and the next thing I am getting a call from s7 saying the police want to talk to you. I take the call, they say we have papers to serve you and by the way your son can't be home without someone over 12 watching him.

What a nightmare. I had to rush home. They served me with some debt papers from like 3 years ago. I am amazed that they involve the police for this kind of stuff. A debt under $1000. Amazing.

Looking for a lawyer at this point. I just have a whole heap of legal issues. I was shaking so bad, I thought they were going to arrest me due to son being home without someone watching him over 12.

Well at least I know what the sheriff wanted now. Amazing!

I need a drink and I don't even drink.