Please help me with your comments. Discovered facts - wife had an affair this weekend. Lied to me about all of this for the past 2 months. I have set a firm boundary. She's been playing me. Thinking she could have her cake and eat it too and took advantage of my work on DB and friendship. I told her I have NOTHING more to say to her unless she comes clean about the whole thing. _________________________ Married 16.5 yrs. Wife detonated nuclear bomb asking for Divorce July 6, 2009 Currently in-house separation for 3 months I'm on Divorce Busting track 2 daughters 6, and 9 Wife 48 Me 49
So she had an affair for 2 months, or just one over the weekend?
No more R talk right? Good job on the boundaries and stay firm on your request for her to tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth. If you ask for something, you need to seriously mean it, because backing down will not look good for you right now.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I'm so sorry -- I know this feels like a bull kick to your chest. How did you find out? How deeply emotionally attached are they?
As you will know if you've followed my other posts, I advocate a strong stance, so good for you. If you play your cards right, you CAN have the maximum chance to turn this thing around.
Thanks Puppy - He's a high school crush and it's only been going on since June 26, but W has been crushing on him since high school 30 years ago. I know she's confusing all that pent up emotion for love, but he's in California and when I met him at their 20 year high school reunion 10 years ago he told me "yeah...I told my wife in California I might screw around on this trip." I really believe this is a fling and I'm intervening at the RIGHT time. Please stay with me on this I need all the support I can get!
hank you to all of you that commented with your thoughts. Wife finally came to me and admitted affair. She's still tried to act like it was casual dating, but I knew better and she admitted almost everything including the fact that she's spending yet another weekend (this one with him). It's out in the open now and her sisters and mom know so no more "forbidden love," clandestine affair. Also daughters 6, 9 broken up and sad again this weekend that mommy's not here with us but "with her friends," they of course don't really know that means another man! Wife is sad and feels guilt I can tell since she's talked to them 3 times last night and 2 times this morning. I'm telling her "I'm good." Giving her space to sit with consequences of her actions. Other man is only a several months into his separation and lives across the country. Wife says she probably won't see him now for a while, but still intends to pursue this with him. I'm giving her space and being lovingly detached. Doing my own healthy things with the daughters and keeping up the house as in "NO WE'RE NOT FALLING APART." We/I don't approve and told her no contact with this guy and our daughters. This guy is not nice. Doing a married woman before she even told me she wanted a divorce at her high school reunion! I'm Divorce Busting and Affairus Interuptus by staying out of it letting her deal with the guilt and consequences. I expect this will take months but I love my wife and even though she doesn't think we ever had true love, just sex and issues - I know and our marriage therapist knows from even 5 years ago staying together all these years was love. Now if wife and other man start to collapse over next months and I'm the strong confident smart good husband I know I can be and am...then there's a chance. As I said to wife - it would be a shame at the point when you're really ready to open up your true feelings to someone and I'm really ready to correct my dysfunction that we would miss each other. No response from her. She's in defense posture of her position. Saying even if it doesn't work out with other man she'd rather be alone - I think that's the defense BS talking. This is hard, but I'm going to do it. I'm not giving up on this woman that I truly love.
Consequences of impact on daughters, and the fact that I know she felt bad and called to talk to daughters multiple times and the fact that now that her affair is out in the open and her family, sisters, and mother know - all of that will have an impact on her enjoying a previously secret romance. She can no longer lie to everyone about it.
