Just spent two hours at dentist w/ youngest. More $ scheduled next month. I was hoping to have a little extra this month after ch13 redo but it's all been swallowed up by dentists. Damn!
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Got papers. I was glad I thought of the possibility that she would bring papers earlier this week so I was prepared. I stayed fairly neutral through the convo. We talked some about the agreement but I didn't want to get too much into details.
The paperwork is a 1st draft of a settlement agreement. She got help from outside atty to write it but it is mostly the same as our email back in April. The plan to keep legal expenses minimal is for me to get advice on her settlement agreement. Let her know changes and she will rewrite and submit with the idea to minimize atty to atty talk at $hundreds per hour. She'll file complaint, agreement, etc. all at once.
Some notable comments:
"I'm sorry you didn't want this but I just don't know what else to do."
"I know you talked about reconciliation but I'm not ready to do a whole bunch of psychotherapy." My response, "If you're not willing to then you're not willing to."
"Doesn't mean that we couldn't get remarried again. Couples do that all the time. But I'm afraid I've done too much damage already and I'm not sure why you'd want to take me back." (I didn't respond)
Other convo was kid details, Ch13, and her money woes. She said kids like spending time with me and that I come across as "the fun dad".
Maybe I was too neutral throughout convo but I don't know. I'm not sure what my position is on this whole thing anymore. I've done my work. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of getting my emotions yanked around. She would have to do work to come back.
--
When I was a kid I lived in a big US city and there was a CAN city 100 miles north nearly the same size. Both cities were active and thriving but I was always so surprised that we heard so little about that city. We heard so much more about smaller towns to the south. That border separated the two lives of those places so throughly.
And that's how I feel. We both have thriving lives but there's a big border between us and we both hear very little about each other anymore.
Last edited by orangedog; 07/31/0909:34 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I'm glad you were prepared for this, but even so, my heart goes out to you. Do something nice for yourself and don't give this too much power over you.
Dia
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
She's making the right noises. Why don't you ask her to just go to the Retrouvaille weekend first before you go through with all of this? It's 2 days, and it's not psychoanalysis, not at all. It's a meditation on your marriage and your lives, your hopes and your dreams. After that you can make a more informed decision about what you want to do.
Hmmm...I'll think about how I might bring it up so it wouldn't sound like psych talk. There is not one offered close by at least this year so it would involve a trip out of state.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
WomanFriend had kind words. I told her I wasn't too troubled by what happened because I knew it was on the way.
She told me not to feel guilty - I had done my work. I taken a hard look at the sitch and myself, improved many things, but through it all kept the good things. She hadn't.
She joked that she knows a lot of people and could hook me up with a sweet setup. heh heh... (maybe a little later)
--
I'd like to hear more about how a LBS can sometimes become a WA. Feels better when I don't care.
(Sounds like I'm working on getting myself banned around here).
Last edited by orangedog; 08/01/0904:45 AM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Hey Dawg -- that convo has taken place on my thread and (memory weak) I think on @traveldane's as well. Can LBS become WAS?
My recollection is that the consensus answer is, "No." Walking Away is the start, if you will, of the DB process. What LBS does to cope, GAL, 180, move on, grow, improve, change -- none of that is Walking-Away. I prefer to think of it as Walking Towards.
You were willing to step up.
You were willing to take the hits and keep on taking them.
You were willing to take the responsibility and the burden.
You were willing to Do The Work.
The Other Walked-Away.
Now that you're Rolling Your Way, there's no "away" for you to walk to. The M is gone (at least as it was). So there's nothing for you to leave but the past.
Perhaps you're becoming a Walking-Towards. No way you're a Walking-Away.
Finished my longest Tri of the season. Not my fastest ever, and man I'm sore right now, but fun and and least I finished.
Youngest was very sick yesterday. W texted me today to say they were at Dr. and she wasn't feeling great either. Dr said he's probably got the piggy but not sure about W. I wished them both well and called later to make sure things are OK. (Gee I forgot we we're sep'd there for a while).
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Her comment, "...I just don't know what else to do." stuck with me.
1. Part of me is thinking, "What do you mean you don't know what else to do?" Oh so helpless. This whole thing has just been forced on you.
2. Another part of me is thinking, let it go. It doesn't make sense. WAW talk justifying nothing.
Anybody?
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
