Can it get any worse?

[glamgirl]

Well Golf it's tough. I stood because I believe in m and I truly love my h. I m my h for better or worse and deep down he is a wonderful man if he could only find his true self again.

Also during this 3 year period, he was coming over 5 times a week we were going to m counseling. It seemed like he was getting closer to returning.

Now we have had a major turn of events and a real setback. Only God knows where this will end up.

You have to work on the forgiveness. It is a difficult journey. Only you can decide what to do.

I also wasn't interested in having fun with another if you know what I mean. My h was my soul mate and we really understood each other. I saw him as my life long partner.

If he could only find himself again and find his way home through all the guilt, shame, and depression. If he could only find God in all of this. He just has to open his heart.

[peacetoday]

GG
You never know when the miracle will happen
you and your H did seem like so much progress was made
hang in
keep taking care of yoursrlf and your kids
the answer will come
maybe its not ti,e to let go yet
only you will really know
It is so weird but even with my X getting M to oW(if its true)
I still fel this bond and love for him the old him too
and I feel he feels that too
even though they appear to move forward do they ever really go anywhere..in emotion they are really still close
maybe that never fully leaves
peace

[job]

Glam,
I agree w/peace...it just might not be the time to let go. Things happen when you least expect them to. Continue to take care of yourself and your children. The answers will come.

[glamgirl]

I have been praying and praying and more praying. Asking God what direction to go, then I come here and maybe I found some guidance.

I cleaned my much needed closet this weekend. I saw the box of wedding photos again. I did not look in. I wanted to but restrained myself.

Next month is our 10 year anniversary. It is too sad to think about right now. I keep thinking how I adored my h and how I was so lucky to have found him and m him. I couldn't even begin to describe what a wonderful man he was. He was really everything I wanted in a man.

I never really saw him to be a cheater. He didn't seem to have that kind of selfishness inside of him. All along he was always thinking of others and gave freely of himself and money. That is why this tares me up on the inside, that he is everything now that is so unattractive and so disgusting.

I can only pray that he has some remorse and sadness over how he treated me. He has never once said he was sorry. It appears he walks around as if he did nothing wrong. I don't get that. He could start with an apology to me for his wrongdoings. Do they ever apologize?

[mdoodles]

i think for them to apologize is to truly admit what they have done and most likely they just cant deal with that.

my h has apologized but not often enough for me to think he truly apologized. the guilt associated with the remorse is just too great.

believe me, when they lay down at night, when all is quiet, they know what they did, they feel bad for what they did.

i think they cant even handle that. i think they keep doing what they are doing to not deal with what they have done.

i dont know if that makes sense.

[job]

Glam,
I'd like to share this w/you. After my bil was killed in 01/05, my xh actually started posting to me again. I hadn't heard nor seen him since 2002 at the divorce hearing. He begged and pleaded w/me to be a friend once again. He even went so far as to apologize for all of the years that we had been married and the way he had behaved. Not once, did he apologize for walking out the door, not once did he apologize for all of the lies, cheating and stealing that he did when entering the twilight zone and for the 6 years he had been gone and acting out. To this day, 10 years from the time he walked out, divorced 7, have I head the words "I'm sorry that I acted the way I did when we were separated/divorced".

Glam, some may apologize, but others will sweep what happened under the carpet, hoping against hope, that we will let it go and not raise the issue w/them. They can't face what they've done, but I can assure you of this, had we done this to them, they wouldn't have lked it. My xh said as much when he first walked out and I asked him how he would feel if I had done this to him.

Please do not hold your breath waiting for an apology.

[Golfgirl1]

My husband cries all the time when he's around me and said he has so much guilt. He wonders why I don't hate him...he said he pours himself into his work so he doesn't think about all the damage he's caused and all the people he's disappointed.

glam, I saw my husband as my soul mate and lifelong partner as well. We knew everything (I guess almost) about each other and I was almost smug about our marriage and how lucky we were to have found each other. I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I can forgive, but sometimes I think it would be easier to divorce and move on with my life. Otherwise, I keep hanging in "limbo" waiting for him to come back. I think we could always remarry when he is finally through all of this....

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Thanks Snodderly for posting that. I guess to me it would feel better if my h at least said he was sorry for his wrongdoings. At least I would know he realizes he was wrong. Right now, my h walks around like everything he did is ok. I don't see him have any remorse over the lies, cheating, stealing. It really baffles me on his thought process. In his mind, does any of it really matter. He mentioned that to me the other day, does it really matter.

Of course it matters. It mattered to me, but apparently to him it meant nothing. I feel as if I meant nothing to him. Just someone to cheat on and toss aside. You are right though Snodderly, waiting around for him to apologize is probably not going to happen. Once again having an expectation of someone that isn't capable of in my opionion of doing the right thing.

Sometimes I wonder if my h has any feelings about anything. It's as if he is a bump on a log, with nothing to say. He can never talk about our core issues and how we can resolve them. He goes on with his day as if nothing ever happened between us. This is not reality. Does he really think this can all be swept under the carpet never to be discussed?

We really need to get to the root of the issues in order for us to put them behind us. Not sure how to get my h to open up and to talk openly and freely. Does he really NOT see how his clamming up is hurting us more than helping us?

Golf I have been waiting in limbo for a long time. Make sure though that you are bettering yourself. Taking time for you. That is what is most important.

I often wonder if my h really knows what true love is. It's hard for me to process if you truly love someone then why would you cheat on them? Why would a person do that? I also wonder if my h really loved me or if they were just words he said now and then. I wonder too, if my h would feel the same if I had did the same to him. Would he even care or would he just shrug and say such is life?

I guess in all of this I would like to see my h care about me and the kids. Show me that you really care to restore our m and be serious about it. Open up and speak freely. Show me that you want me in your life.

Thanks TL for stopping by. Life goes on!

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Yes, life goes on. (((HUGS)))