Bonny, I didn't come across DB for a long time and I really stuffed up by badgering him, pursuing and generally being a nuisance to him. I tried to be rational with an irrational person. What a waste of time!!
Anyway I also have a friend whose parents reunited after 3 years and they both had other partners. They're so happy together now. I'm thinking of them as I move forward.
Same I spent months trying to rationalise with my H. Only to be told by a mutual friend that although my H could see the logic in what I was saying he wasn't feeling it and was indifferent. It was shortly after that that I found DB and started LRT.
Today I just want to shake him, tell him that he's being an a**e and to just come home! So frustrating.
Thanks for the story about your friend's parents - perhaps it's never too late then?
Bonny, my friend desperately wanted her parents to reconcile and after 2 years decided that she had to face facts that it wasn't going to happen. Another year passed by before reconciliation occurred. It started with her Dad helping with jobs around the place and then staying for a drink and a chat and the time gradually increased and they started to really enjoy each other's company. So yes, keep at it!!
Not seen or heard from H for over a week. I will not contact unless it's life or death, but will remain focussed on LRT and being polite if he contacts me.
Good for you, Bonny! It took me ages to work out that this was the best course of action. It's a slow, slow journey but I really don't think there's any other way to go about it.
I haven't posted to you before but I saw your posts on Cas's thread and you are a fellow UKer
I'm sorry to hear about all you have gone through. It is so hard when our h's seemingly 'switch off'. My H is a silent switcher offer which for me is the most frustrating.
Firstly I just wanted to ask what advice, or tack, your DB coach suggested you take? You are in LRT I take it. Have you gone dark? I never went fully dark but just dim. Ususally what do you and your h interact over and how often are you in contact?
Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get a better idea of your sitch.
He’s completely out on his own and hardly ever contacts me unless it’s about the kids. Looking at the 5 ll it would seem that his is quality time which is almost impossible to pull off when we don’t have much to do with each other. Basically I’ve been following the LRT and think it’s probably the only way to go. It’s killing me though, I’m quite nosy by nature! Also I do think it suits him too, he can get on and do what he wants without thinking about me. He doesn’t tell the kids much about what he’s doing either. He’s having an A with my former friend who lives within spitting distance of my house – ouch!
A couple of months ago one of the kids moved into his place for a while and I suggested that whilst he was there my H come and do the jobs round the house that he promised to do. I emailed this suggestion and didn’t even get a reply which I thought was rude. I discussed this with the Coach and she supported that. I haven’t spoken to the Coach since though there’s nothing new to report but when there is I’ll contact her again – talking to her was helpful though.
Today I’m feeling a bit stroppy and wondering why on earth would I want the little sh*t back anyway – does anyone else ever feel like that?
I'm also beginning to wonder whether I actually want him back for him or whether I just want my family intact. Also I've gone down the path of reconciliation and am reluctant to give in - not that it's about giving in as such I truly believe that reconciliation is the best course for us all (including the kids). But am I just blinding myself to what could be a better life without the H?
LRT is really hard, especially when you first start. Tuning yourself out to not knowing what is going on in their lives when you have been an integral part for so long is so difficult. In a way though, I find it better not to know for my own sake.
The thing is, in our situations, you can only take the opportunities that do come up to DB. For example when he comes to pick up the kids, you may have an opportunity there to look amazing, or to wear different perfume and to be mysterious. At the moment you should look at short term aims rather than reconciliation. Get his interest again by doing something different.
BTW with my h, he was supposed to come round last summer 3 times and do stuff in the house to get it ready for sale. He came once and then never again. Unless it is something they want to do, at this stage they will rarely do it. anything you ask will only look like 'demands'. I would purely respond to him, an opportunity will present itself. In fact, I started off my contact with h again by asking his advice on a work query. It was a neutral subject and men like to fix things and my h is all about work.
