Me: 50; Wife: 48 Gay; civil union in NJ no kids M: 15 years, together 17 Bomb (OW) 2/09 (EA 3mos/PA 3mos) ILYBINILWY W out of house, w/OW, in separation talks, nothing filed
I know this is just my doubt and insecurity speaking (well, screaming actually)...
I am afraid she will interpret my detachment as proof that I am "getting over it" and "moving on"; that she will think I am no longer interested in reconciliation, so she won't try even if (miracle of miracles) the A blows up and/or she changes her mind and wants to....?
Ack. Phooey. :-P
Me: 50; Wife: 48 Gay; civil union in NJ no kids M: 15 years, together 17 Bomb (OW) 2/09 (EA 3mos/PA 3mos) ILYBINILWY W out of house, w/OW, in separation talks, nothing filed
am afraid she will interpret my detachment as proof that I am "getting over it" and "moving on"; that she will think I am no longer interested in reconciliation, so she won't try
Everyone worries about that. So don't worry about it. You can't not move forward on the off-chance that moving forward validates a Walkaway's decision. As I like to say, "Hope is not a plan."
I know this is just my doubt and insecurity speaking (well, screaming actually)...
I am afraid she will interpret my detachment as proof that I am "getting over it" and "moving on"; that she will think I am no longer interested in reconciliation, so she won't try even if (miracle of miracles) the A blows up and/or she changes her mind and wants to....?
Ack. Phooey. :-P
I know what you mean! I told my wife after one D discussion that went well (no fighting or emotional flare ups) that I didn't want her to think that the fact it went well meant that I was accepting what she wanted. It just meant that I was getting better at managing my emotions while talking about it. I have to keep reminding myself that it's loving detachment, not just detachment. I think the loving part is important. If you just detach and seem upset or cold, then it leaves the impression you are reluctantly moving on. But if you can do it with some cheerfulness (hard to do I know), then I think your spouse will see it more as growth on your part and hopefully signs of the "old you".
just trying to keep up with you ..and it seems you are gonna make it easy on me since it is just two pages thus far.
be well dear and continually purge the imaginings of what she might be thinking of. you must be doing for you. that is a certainty unless you like a sore head and heart.
plus you have a Welsh sounding name and i definetely like that ..though you 'splained it away with I guess that Hogwarts stuff or whatever it is that is the rage ....Eeeaahh ...sounds Welsh to me and maybe it does because it is ..don't know?
i stand corrected ..i see you said it is from Tolkien and not what her name ..semi-lol
i guess the Hobit or one of those. Not entirely up my alley (the gen'l genre) but then again I honestly am not certain if I tried any of his stuff. that's from a lil wayze back. kind of a cult like following. I have 2nd or third cousin's (more like an aunt and uncle and assoc family) that has always been enamored by Tolkien. I was just pre adolescent when I was around them a bunch and I guess it just didn't catch with me.
