I flew back Wednesday afternoon/evening. My other D who lives four hours away from here (bigger city where I flew out of, and left my car) picked me up and whisked me away to a concert. It was IL Divo, have any of you heard of them? I hadn't. They sing in Italian, and a little English. They were wonderful! They sang Unchained Melody in Italian, which was played right before I walked down the aisle when we got married. My D said we could leave if it bothered me, but I did OK. It was beautiful in Italian. There were lots of couples there. (sigh) Yesterday, after doing some shopping, and having lunch ( I actually can go in some place and eat alone now, something I couldn't do before) I headed home.
As most of you know who are following this thread, my H and I are still living in the same house. He is classic MLC, has said everything to the "T" in the MLC script, has ow, and filed seven months ago. I don't want D, but retained an attorney to protect myself. He doesn't have attorney, filed his own paperwork. My attorney heard from him once. He asked what was taking so long. She told him that she was waiting to hear back from him. When he filed, he wasn't very generous. He wants to let me keep my car ( which I paid for) and my laptop which he bought me for my birthday a few years ago. My attorney just laughed. She even said he is being mean, a typical man in a mid life crisis. Anyway no court date yet. I have turned in all my financial statements. I feel like he may be dragging his feet. I don't know. I'm sure skank is not happy. She by the way is fifteen years younger,married three times already, one xh cheated on her. Currently she is D. He used to be her boss when she was in his dept. He has high profile position and makes decent money. She's clinging to that. I was the bosses wife, and I was always kind to her whenever I stopped by the office. She always had a little cheschire grin on her face like she was up to something. WOW! She has herself an MLCer. I just need to remember, you reap what you sow. I am standing for my M, and hoping he can come out of this before D. I would say it started several years ago when he got the Harley that I loved also. The Joy of the Lord is my Strength. That's how I'm pushing through this. And, that he isn't who I married. I don't know who he is. I wrote to him once, " Wait until the H I knew, loved and married, and who loved and married me finds out what you've done to his wife."
Anyway... When I got home last night, he greeted me nicely. He asked me how my trip was, and if he could help me get my things out of the car. I just said I had a fantastic time! ( he still doesn't know where I've been). I politely told him I could get my own things out of the car. I guess I wanted to show him that I could do it on my own. Maybe wrong move there, but it made me feel better. I also found a note on the counter that said " Welcome home MJ, H " He said his son, who is 28, my stepson, is coming this weekend for a few days. He lives a few states away, and doesn't get here much. I'm wondering if I should go away while he's here. Go visit my mom. I would hate to watch them go in and out, maybe even including skank in with them. They could even include her D who just graduated HS. Oh lovely! I need to quit thinking like this, it makes me crazy. Focus, focus,focus!!
Did I happen to catch that you have not been feeling well? I hope your better! We must all be working you too hard.
I followed your advice, NC while I was gone. I went to missing him a little at first, to only missing my dogs.
So, what do you think? Shall I make myself scarce and take my dogs and go visit my mom while his son is here? She lives in the next town, 30 minutes away.
I will be okay, it just happens from time to time. Thanks for asking.
About this weekend......how close are you and his son? If his son thinks the world of you, then you would not want to hurt his feelings by "running out" when he comes home for a visit. Also, if you leave, then your H may take advantage of that and tell his son that you are the "bad guy" in the stitch. Even if he sank low enough to take son to meet the skank, your son would see you at home being the wife and his father as the cheating H. If your H doesn't have any more sense than to tell his son that he's interested in OW, then I would not feel embarrassed to sit at home all weekend and show step-son you are not the one running around. But, you know the R between you and step-son and if it is not good, then don't stay at home and be under that much stress......go stay with your mother and tell H that you are giving him "quality time" with his son....
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
His S was living with the mother when we got married. We never lived together as family. He was always living in another state, and we would visit every once in a while. He was in HS when we married. We did got along fine however when we were together. I really don't know what H has told him. He might have told him MJ and I are getting a D and I want you to meet ow. I don't think he told him the truth. I found ow so MJ and I are getting D.
On that note... I always wonder what he has told his side of the family. His mom, brothers and sisters, and I always got along. As close as we could be for not living by each other. Not one of them has tried to contact me to ask what is going on. So I wonder if he has put me in a negative light. I don't think he would have told them the truth that the ow came before the D. Or if he has told them there is ow because we were getting a D anyway. Does anyone understand what I'm trying to say? It just makes me sad to think that they are just going on what he has told them. I have never said anything because of the old adage of blood being thicker than water. Just makes me sad that they haven't tried to make contact or even ask how I'm doing. His mom is 85 yrs old, and I wouldn't want to tell her at her age what's really going on.
I have to say I have the complete opposite in my case...His Mom has been my biggest supporter from day 1...I talk to her at least 4 times a day (she lives in another state)...I didn't tell anyone else (except the bare minimum to my family)...I don't think hubby has told anyone anything...I do know for a fact he has lied his you know what off to the OW so there is no telling...
I wonder sometimes how much of a b***h I am portrayed as?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I wonder the same thing. How big of a b**ch did he make me out to be. Would I even resemble that person in the least bit. lol
There were even other couples who we rode our motorcycle with that I have lost contact with. He continued to ride the bike, didn't ask me along, and go with them. I wonder what he has told them. Makes me sad not one of them has called to see how I'm doing. That's why I think he has lied to them. I'm sure skank goes now. AWWW..... makes me so sick to think of it. Focus,focus,focus.
Speaking as one who always tried to make "brownie points" with the in-laws and failed.......I can tell you that you are wasting energy to even wonder about what they are thinking. They are going to think whatever they "want" to think about you. I hope if there is just one piece of advice you take from me it is not to imprison yourself in that area of worrying about what his folks think of you. I KNOW.....very hard to do, especially if you are a people pleaser....however, it won't change their minds either way. Hopefully, you have earned your own favor with them and it's not based on just being his W.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
